


Secrets and Dreams

by Ice_CherryBombedbyTY



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Emotions, First Kiss, First Love, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time Bottoming, Love at First Sight, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Romance, Self-Discovery, taewin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-03-23 20:09:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 64,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13795380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ice_CherryBombedbyTY/pseuds/Ice_CherryBombedbyTY
Summary: Sicheng moved from his hometown in China to Seoul. He meets the quiet and brooding Taeyong. They become friends and can't resist the undeniable attraction. But Taeyong's cloudy past is slowly catching up on him and threatens harm against him and Sicheng. Will their new-found love surpass all the trials that come between them? Will Sicheng lose his first love forever?





	1. Moving

 

 

 

 

 

Moving from his hometown Wenzhou, Zhejiang in China to Seoul, Korea during summer break was a difficult decision for Sicheng and his mother. His father dropped the bomb six months ago when he announced that he accepted the offer as Seoul branch manager at the multinational bank he has been employed in for many years. "It's a promotion..." his father said with conviction when protests from Sicheng's mother and himself arose. But their protests fell on deaf ears. His father pointed out it was best for the family.

He had to leave his home where he grew up, his friends and his school where he also learned traditional Chinese dance. His mother had to sell the laundry shop they had owned for many years. He knew that moving to a different country would mean new adjustments in the environment and at school. It took a great deal of time and effort to learn basic Korean and to transfer to a new school to finish his studies. But it had to be done. For his father's sake.

Traveling from the airport to their new home was filled with silent musing from each member of the family. Sicheng sitting in the back of the van gave a heated stare at his father's back and his eyes could have bore holes thru Mr. Dong's head while he broke the silence by speaking to the driver about the traffic, of all things. Meanwhile Mrs. Dong took to absently plucking at the sleeve of her jacket while staring blankly at the city scenery. He felt hot, stuffy, was bored and he hated every minute of it.

Finally the van pulled to a stop in front of a condominium building which was relatively new. The tiled driveway and the surrounding area was well maintained at least, thought Sicheng, as he grabbed his gigantic luggage and another smaller one from the growing pile of other bags and luggage being unloaded by the driver out from the back.

"I'll start bringing this up Papa", said Sicheng as he trundled up the path leading to the elevators, not bothering to check whether his father heard him.

"Sicheng...keys!" his mother who chased after him called out, handing him the keys which he took. "You know which apartment, right?" Sicheng mumbled something inaudible for a reply as he stuffed the keys in his jean pocket, his mother shaking her head.

As he entered the cool lobby he headed for the elevators. A sign hastily scrawled on bond paper was taped on the elevator doors. "For Service" surprisingly in English. There must be other foreigners living in the building too. Great, thought Sicheng as he headed for the staircase and began to lug the suitcases up the stairwell to the fourth floor. He didn't bother telling his parents. They would find out too eventually he thought glumly.

His plight up the stairwell was uneventful as he grumbled to himself about his horrible luck until he reached the landing on the third floor where he saw a pair of worn black Chucks blocking his path up to the staircase leading to the fourth floor. His gaze traveled up to look at the owner of those sneakers sitting on the staircase, from the long shapely legs stretched out in tight jeans and up the lean, lithe body recognizable under the loose black tee, and finally to the face.

It was the most beautiful sight Sicheng has ever seen. Strong prominent jawline, firm pink lips shaped slightly like a heart, sculpted aquiline nose and huge dark brown puppy eyes, framed by full brows that stared back at him thru thick dark hair that partly fell over them. Sicheng was stunned at the perfection. He realized he had been staring when he saw those dark eyes reflected both curiosity and amusement.

"Uh...umm...I'm sorry but you'll have to excuse me..." Sicheng was flustered, speaking the local language with some difficulty.

The long legs unfolded effortlessly as the beautiful creature stood up to make way. Sicheng bowed with his "thank you," and began to make his way up once more.

Sicheng was startled when the young man reached out and grabbed the other heavier suitcase from his hand, motioning him to lead the way. He was too surprised to protest but somehow more surprised that he didn't want to. They climbed the last staircase to the fourth floor and stopped by the door nearest to the stairwell on the left.

"Uh, thank you...my..." Sicheng said and offered his right hand.

The young man did not even allow Sicheng to finish the sentence nor did he seem to notice Sicheng's hand. He just gave a ghost of a smile and turned to walk away leaving Sicheng dumbstruck. What a peculiar fellow, he thought as he watched the boy's handsome back as he walked away, if it were possible to call it that. Sicheng shook his head as if coming back to his senses.

Sicheng struggled with the keys and eventually was able to open the door leading into the condo apartment. It was not huge, but it was cozy and warm with simple, surprisingly western deco. The landlord must have taken care of everything in preparation of their arrival. He dumped the luggage where he stood in the foyer and headed back down after locking up to collect more. It will be a long day.

***

As several days passed Sicheng wondered about the odd boy he met at the stairwell. Well, sort of met. He pondered on the boy's strange behavior and thought if he ever saw him again he would properly thank him. Those suitcases were very heavy and he carried them up two long flights of stairs, so he had to meet him again. Just to thank him, thought Sicheng, trying to convince himself it's the only reason for wanting to see him again. Though he probably never would and that somehow made him feel very sad and confused. He shouldn't even be thinking about that fellow to begin with. It was a chance meeting, that's all. Unless he lives nearby...

Shrugging off the thought, Sicheng unpacked and stored the last of his things from the remaining boxes shipped over from Wenzhou. He was glad he was done arranging his room before school starts the following month. After finishing off he stretched his aching back and suddenly felt pangs of hunger. It was nearly lunchtime.

Sicheng wandered into the kitchen to grab a bite. His mother was as usual busy tidying up the kitchen. She seemed to have adapted way too fast, even managing to buy groceries to stock up the pantry. His father naturally busy with work was unable to help with settling down in their new home and left it all up to Mrs. Dong.

"Winwinie baby..." his mother called out and he cringed at the nickname.

"Come have some lunch. There's chicken noodle soup. I cooked lemon chicken and rice for dinner if you want some. I have to run some errands and then meet your father. We won't be long. We'll be back in time for dinner."

His mother took off the checkered apron and hand-combed her hair to tie it into a ponytail. She went over to give Sicheng a quick peck on the cheek. She grabbed her purse lying on the couch.

"And don't forget to pick up your father's suits and new curtains at the dry-cleaners. Okay?" Mrs. Dong instructed.

"Yes Mama, I got it." Sicheng mumbled as he heard the door shut behind her.

"There goes my afternoon nap," said Sicheng glumly.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Another Meeting

   


 

 

 

 

Luckily the weather was great and Sicheng needn't worry over rain since he'll be walking all the way to the cleaners. It wasn't far, having been there before with his mother. Merely three blocks from their own building. Besides he could use the fresh air after being cooped up in the house all the time.

Soon he'll be going back to school so he'll be out almost everyday. In a different country, language and culture. But he wasn't worried and he knew he could adapt easily. His gait lightened as he thought of the new things he might learn, new friends to make.

As he turned into the last corner, he noticed a slim figure far up ahead walking towards him and seemed to be looking straight at him. He squinted, eyebrows furrowed, trying to place who it was.

He shrugged and entered the dry-cleaning shop. He gave the receipt to the shopkeeper who returned with the mound of suits and curtains. Sicheng thanked the man, slung the suits over one arm then grabbed the plastic bag of curtains and left.

Sicheng tried to juggle the suits and relatively huge bag of curtains while concentrating on not tripping over the pavement. He then felt someone matching his stride. He looked up and his heart skipped a beat when he realized who it was. The odd fellow from the stairwell, wearing a blue tee this time.

"Hi! So, we meet again." he greeted Sicheng. His smile was captivating.

"Oh, hi!" Sicheng said shyly while offering an awkward grin. "Thank you for the other day..."

The young man's smile was the brightest smile that could have melted a pound of ice. "My pleasure. Are you on your way home or do you have somewhere else to go?"

"Yes...no," said Sicheng. Panicking a little, hoping he understood everything the boy said. "I mean, I'm going home now."

The boy's laughter was music to Sicheng's ears. "Then we're headed the same way," he said.

"Oh, ok."

"Do you always carry stuff around?"

Sicheng stuttered, "O-oh, n-no...not mostly." He wondered if he said the right word for 'always' in Korean.

The boy smiled, his eyes twinkling. "Don't worry, you can speak slowly or in English if its too hard for you. I'm Taeyong by the way," he said in English.

"Thanks. I-I'm Sicheng. " He gave another weak smile while struggling with his burden.

"Nice to meet you," Taeyong replied as he took the bag of curtains from Sicheng's hand. His fingers brushed against Sicheng's skin and to his horror he felt a jolt of electricity shooting down his spine. How could he be affected by a mere accidental touch? By a stranger no less?

"Thanks," Sicheng said weakly. He was mortified and his cheeks felt hotter by the minute. Taeyong didn't seem to notice but did study him quietly.

"You're here for a vacation?"

Taeyong's query seemed to break thru Sicheng's troubled thoughts. "No. We moved from China because my father got assigned for work here," explained Sicheng.

Taeyong nodded. "Ah, I see. So are you finished with school? That's if you don't mind me asking..."

"No, it's alright. I have only two semesters left," supplied Sicheng. "And you?"

Taeyong nodded in response, suddenly clamming up. Sicheng didn't press the matter. He felt there was more to it but it wasn't his place to ask.

Instead, Sicheng inquired "do you live in the same building where I saw you the other day?"

"Yes, last door down the hall to the right," replied Taeyong.

"R-really? We're neighbors?" Sicheng blushed from the sudden outburst of elation. 

"Yes, seems like I'll be seeing you often," Taeyong replied, lips quirking. "So if you need any help going around the neighborhood just let me know."

"Oh, okay. I'd like that. Thanks," Sicheng said after he gave Taeyong a nod.

They walked the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. _Like sharing an intimate moment._ Sicheng's eyes widened slightly at the thought. _What's wrong with me._ He brushed off the confusing thoughts away as they entered their condominium building. Glad that the elevators are now working, Sicheng pressed the button going up.

When the lift doors opened Taeyong went in followed by Sicheng. As the metal doors closed Sicheng caught Taeyong's reflection and he was staring intently at him. Blood rushed to his face and he felt the heat and stuffy air of constricted space. Suddenly the usually short elevator ride seemed like it lasted for ages.

When the doors finally opened Sicheng thanked Taeyong profusely and took the plastic bag from him, carefully avoiding any physical contact. He hurried out towards their home after he said his quick goodbye to Taeyong. Sicheng struggled with the keys before he could enter the condo, and without checking whether Taeyong was still there.

Sicheng sank on the sofa and dumped the dry cleaning beside him. His mind was a mess, his thoughts all jumbled altogether. He knew when he was younger that he cared less for girls, suspected that he might actually like boys instead, but he never really put any deeper thoughts to it.

But today... today was a different matter. Something that really bothered him suddenly dawned on him. He _liked_ Taeyong. He liked him the moment he laid eyes on him. Sicheng was aghast. He just met the boy for heaven's sake. But the possibility of seeing him often made his heart do little somersaults.

_No, no no! What's happening to me._.. Sicheng jumped up from the couch and started pacing the living room. He shouldn't entertain such thoughts. What would his parents think if they found out he likes boys? What will they do? He felt afraid of causing them pain. And what would Taeyong think of him if _he_ found out. Sicheng shuddered at the thought.

The sudden rapping on the door made Sicheng jump. It can't be his parents. _Did  Mama forget something?_

He walked up to the door and caught his breath when he opened it. Taeyong was standing in the doorway looking at Sicheng warily. "Hi again."

"Uh...hi." Sicheng was too surprised to even ask Taeyong in or if he needed something.

"I uhm...I wanted to ask you but you...uh...were in a hurry..."

Taeyong surprised Sicheng as he watched the handsome boy at his door's threshold getting flustered and dry combing his hair. _Why did he look nervous?_

"Are you doing something this afternoon?"

"Not really..." Sicheng swallowed his own nervousness. _What could you possibly want from me..._

Taeyong cleared his throat and said hurriedly, "there's a convenience store nearby and I was wondering if you want to go with me to get some snacks." He cleared his throat once more. "I just thought maybe..."

"I'd like some ice-cream." Sicheng didn't even let Taeyong finish. His cheeks turned beet-red and prayed it won't be noticed.

"Great! Let's go!" Taeyong beamed like a child who just received some candy. Sicheng stopped himself from smiling.

While Sicheng walked with Taeyong to the elevator he felt a little awkward, too shy to strike up a conversation. He dared not look at the steel doors this time. From his peripheral view he saw Taeyong's short glances. He took a deep breath to calm himself.

Outside, Sicheng basked in the bright afternoon sun. He felt giddy as he walked beside this handsome boy, grateful of this chance to get to know him a little better. Sicheng stole a glance at his companion. The sunlight caressed Taeyong's dark hair making it glitter and his smooth fair skin glowed. A smile danced on his moist lips. Sicheng's heart was screaming at how much he liked this boy.

"What's your preference?"

Sicheng was taken aback. What could he mean? _Has he guessed?_

"Excuse me?"

"Ice cream flavor?"

"Oh, sorry." Sicheng wished the earth would swallow him whole. "Uh, I like Strawberry."

"It's sweet and sour, perfectly balanced. Just the way I like it," Taeyong said softly.

Taeyong's reply made Sicheng blush profusely. Thankfully they arrived at the convenience store. Sicheng then realized he had no money.

"Wait, I forgot my money."

"Don't worry I'll take care of you," Taeyong said, patting Sicheng's shoulder twice before going inside.

Sicheng's knees wobbled. He sat on a bench at the front. He needed to get his act together or he'll get caught.

Taeyong returned, handing the ice-cream cup and spoon to Sicheng and sat beside him. Taeyong's thigh brushed against his.

They ate in silence at first. Then Taeyong asked Sicheng about his hometown, how his school was like back home and how he was coping with leaving his friends behind. They didn't even realize more than an hour has passed. At one point while they were chatting, Sicheng stole a glance at Taeyong and saw him licking his lips. It was a delicious sight, he thought, biting on the tiny wooden spoon as he took a mouthful of strawberry ice cream. Then he realized Taeyong was looking at him. Sicheng almost choked on a piece of strawberry.

"You okay?" Taeyong looked concerned, tapping Sicheng on the back.

"I'm alright," said Sicheng, blushing profusely.

After a moment Taeyong asked "would you like me to teach you Hangul?"

Sicheng blinked. "Th-that's nice of you, but...I don't want to bother you."

"So it's settled," Taeyong said patting Sicheng's arm. "I'll come over your house whenever you're free. Just knock on our door."

***

_Sicheng felt the earth and grass under his bare feet as he ran thru the wooded trail, the cool night wind blowing gently at his face. He kept looking back at the hooded figure chasing him. He knew by instinct the figure intended to hurt him._

_He ran until he was almost out of breath but the dark figure was closing in on him. Drops of cold sweat drenched his face and body now. But he kept on running. Still the ominous figure was closer than ever. He tripped on a small stone and fell flat on his stomach. The wind knocked out of him. Fear overtook him as he froze, waiting for what will happen next. He looked up to see the hooded figure standing over him. The moonlight shone on the pale face... his own face, white and snarling. The figure with his own face reached over to grab him with claw-like hands, as if reaching out to squeeze his neck... Sicheng closed his eyes, unable to move or breathe._

_Before his other self could reach him, someone else grabbed his arm pulling him away from danger, dragging him and running away to safety. He welcomed the presence of his savior, felt the warmth of the hand enclosing his. He felt safe. He dare not look at his savior but instead looked behind them. His pursuer fell behind, almost out of sight. Relief washed over him but he let himself be led by his guardian. Finally when his hunter was nowhere to be seen, Sicheng started shaking uncontrollably._

_The two slowed down and his protector guided him to lean on the nearest tree. He then took Sicheng into his arms. Sicheng welcomed the embrace and buried his face in the crook of his savior's neck. The skin felt warm and damp. He found the rubbing on his back and the embrace comforting, calming. There in the moonlight, in the stranger's embrace, he found where he belonged. It was bliss._

_All his worries washed away with every stroke on his back and feeling the warm breath at the side of his neck. Sicheng's shivering from fear turned into something else. Somewhere from the pit of his abdomen a warmth spread out to his whole body. His heart started racing and his breath slightly deeper and faster. It felt... sensual... delicious. Almost erotic. Wait... What's this feeling? Why? For this stranger? Timidly, he lifted his head to look at the stranger's face. Somehow he was not surprised to see Taeyong's eyes staring back at him, dark pools filled with... desire._

_Sicheng felt Taeyong caress his cheek with the back of his hand. He parted his lips to gasp for air as Taeyong's face drew closer, like a magnet drawing raw metal... closer and closer till their breaths mingled.. and closer yet...till he felt a whisper of a delicate caress of warm, moist lips on his, making him shiver, his heart pounding. It felt like it was trying to escape from his chest...unable to control his emotions. He closed his eyes..._

Sicheng woke up. He was drenched with sweat, entangled within the sheets on his bed, heart pounding like a jackhammer. He stared out the window as sunlight filled the room. His dream as vivid as reality. As clear as his dream may be, his thoughts seemed more confusing to him than ever before.

"Why is this happening to me," Sicheng cried out loud, knowing that no one else can answer the question but himself. He was losing his mind.

 


	3. Emotions

   


 

 

 

 

Taeyong was sitting on the bench in the community park, staring at nothing, gaze focusing nowhere. Unaware of the children running around playing noisily, of their mothers or fathers warning them to be careful, of the cheerful chatter of women sitting around a big tree enjoying the cool summer afternoon while sharing their snacks.

 

Too many thoughts rushed in and around his head and he can barely cope with his turbulent emotions. But the thing that bothered him most is whether he should go back to school. He knew his mother was worried about him and his future. His pondering led to thoughts on what occurred the past few days.

Taeyong's mother earnestly pleaded. _"Why can't you go to the university your father wants for you instead. Become an architect just like him. Think about your future and go back to school. Remember, we're not always here for you. Someday you and your sister will..."_

_"Mother please,"_ Taeyong heard this speech over a dozen times now and even heard it in his head at times. _"I don't want to be an architect. I don't want to go back to school,"_ Taeyong blurted out _. "I can't go back..."_ His mother had opened her mouth to protest but before Mrs. Lee could do so, Taeyong stood up from the breakfast table, leaning over to kiss his mother. _"I'm going out."_ His mother couldn't stop him then, merely nodded in resignation. _"Don't stay out late!"_

Taeyong had a feeling something was about to happen, a premonition of sorts, as he left to get some fresh air. He felt stuffy all of a sudden after his mother mentioned going back to school. Unbeknownst to his mother, he had his reasons. Something he refuses to linger on, the pain being too unbearable for him. Everyone scorned him for it but he had to carry the burden. Not to mention getting hurt physically and emotionally.

He wanted to make the sacrifice and he has no regrets.  Friendship is important to him as is love for his family.  But in this case he had to make a choice. For Jandi. He sat on the stair's landing, legs outstretched, to calm his thoughts. The memory of what happened to him was still sharp as a knife. But lingering on thoughts such as this will not help his present state. It will only make things worse.  He needs to recover his strength and his pride.  He promised himself and his friend that he can carry the burden despite getting hurt.

Taeyong recalled the thumping noise down the stairs that caught his attention. It sounded like something big and heavy was being dragged. He looked down the steps and noticed a slim boy in his late teens or early twenties. The boy was dragging up two big suitcases up the stairs and mumbling something about his luck, in Chinese of all things.

 

 

Taeyong was mesmerized with the boy's face, the little creases between his brows as he balanced the huge suitcases. He had smooth skin, his cheeks flushed at the exertion. Full red pouting lips, slightly arched brows over dark brown pools of almond shaped eyes you could easily drown in. Tiny beads of perspiration started to collect over the bridge of his sharp nose and over the brow. Taeyong had the inexplicably strong urge to wipe it off of that pretty nose with something as intimate as... his mouth. _What.._ _what the fuck?!_ And then there were his pretty eyes... staring directly at him. _Oh God._

Taeyong was suddenly aware that the boy was addressing him, asking to be let thru. Only then did he realize he was staring with his mouth open. He was unaware that he was blocking the steps, too engrossed with studying this enchanting creature's face. He stood up and surprised himself even more by taking the other suitcase from the attractive Chinese boy. Embarrassed with his own behavior and wondering what in heaven's name came over him. It was preposterous.

After helping the boy he left right away to recover from the flush of emotions that tried to overcome his usually sane self. He tried not to run but hastened his strides, heading to the opposite direction.

Until this moment he was still pondering what in the world has possessed him, his own emotions jumbled like jigsaw puzzles. He actually wanted to kiss that boy's nose! _"What the fuck is wrong with me?!"_

Three days later Taeyong saw Sicheng, once again burdened with carrying more than he should. Sicheng's slim figure buried underneath the mound of dry-cleaned suits draped over his arm.

Taeyong recalled being torn between running away and running towards that creature who intrigued him to the point of madness. He wanted to be near that boy, to see his smile just once more. He lost his own battle. _"And I've lost my mind."_

Taeyong found it amusing that Sicheng rushed out of the elevator once the doors opened. Could Sicheng be afraid of him? Was he acting suspicious by helping him? Sicheng was after all a foreigner. Still, didn't he want to be friends with him just like Taeyong himself wanted to? Surely he would want to meet and make new friends and he was willing to help out with that. Has he, Taeyong the cool and usually clear-headed person, gone insane?

The shocking part was when Taeyong couldn't resist following Sicheng to his home and asking him to have snacks at the convenience store with him.  Snacking with him wasn't enough, he even volunteered himself as his tutor. _I'm done for._

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts he sighed. He was being silly, entertaining wild and very strange thoughts. Again he asked himself what on earth has come over him. Why would he have these ideas. And these emotions that should not...should never, be felt by him. This is very unusual for him. Its shocking him to the very core. It's crazy. _I've gone crazy._

But that nagging feeling of wanting to see Sicheng again never left him, as he stared at nothing well into the afternoon.  He continued to sit still on that park bench with all his emotions jumbled into knots, impossible to unravel.

 

***

Sicheng was pacing again in the living room. He seemed to be doing this a lot lately, not noticing anything or anyone. Not even his mother who was staring curiously at him, worry written all over her face.

"Son, you know that we just bought the rug, right?" Mrs. Dong declared with irony. "It's only been a week that we moved in and you're wearing it down."

Sicheng paused with a start, looking at his mother as if seeing her for the first time. His mother gave a chortle in response.

Mrs. Dong Xia stopped cleaning up their dishes from their lunch and put both the drying towel and plate down, took off her apron and went around the counter to her son who hasn't moved since she caught his attention. Putting both hands on her son's shoulders she pulled him to sit on the couch.

"Son, tell me what's bothering you," she said. "You're acting strange these past few days. I know there is something that's disturbing you. Tell me."

Sicheng looked at his mother, not sure where or how to begin. All his emotions are confusing him, driving him insane. How can he tell his mother he had a dream that a boy he just met, their neighbor at that, was about to kiss him. The worst part is that he liked the idea of it. Very much. The very thought of it made him shudder.

Mrs. Dong looked at Sicheng with concern, cupping his face with her hands. "Winwin my baby, I don't want to see you like this. You're barely eating, you sleep late and wake up early. You're always staring into space. You don't even hear me when I call you. Please tell me. I may be able to help."

He merely stared at his mother. How will he tell her what he's going through right now. How will she take it. For sure she will only be hurt and confused like himself. Will she be able to accept that he... might prefer the same sex.

"Did someone hurt you, did they bully you?" Mrs. Dong then hugged him. "Whatever it is I will listen, let's talk about it. But if you're not ready, then I will wait until you are."

Sicheng suddenly felt a wetness on his cheeks. It horrified him. Before it became uncontrollable he wiped them off and said shakily, "thank you Mama, I will tell you when I am ready." He pulled away from his mother and tried his best to conceal his face. "I need to get some air. Sorry."

"Sicheng..." his mother cried out softly as he headed for the door, ignoring her pleading voice and steeling himself so he won't blurt out the reason for his confusion.

He went out of the condo and headed down to the small park he remembered seeing when he went out to get the dry-cleaning. The afternoon breeze was cool but not chilly. The weather was perfect, and it lifted up his spirits. His gait lightened, feeling more pleasant. And he had a funny feeling that something good will happen. Somehow the thought made him forget his worries.

 

 


	4. An Awkward Friendship

   


 

The afternoon seemed delightful, if that could properly describe how Sicheng felt, as he walked the path to the park. He wanted to clear his thoughts even for a few moments. _Cleanse would be more appropriate._ He can't deny the fact that what was still mostly occupying his mind apart from his other worries, is that dream he had and vividly feeling Taeyong's warm breath on his parted lips. _No, stop it you idiot._

 

The path led to a small playground which he avoided. Instead he headed towards the far end where there was a wooded enclosure that seemed more quiet. As he approached the metal benches he drew a sharp intake of breath. There on the last bench, he saw an unmistakable figure crouching over, head in both hands. Sicheng froze on his tracks not knowing whether he should quietly back out of sight, or give in to his urge to sit close to Taeyong and run his hands thru his dark luscious hair. _Idiot. Stop being delusional._

He decided to be the coward and slowly started backing out and turned to leave. He then made a decision to put a stop to this madness. _I'm coming to my senses, good._

 

"Sicheng?" The tentative voice of Taeyong barely audible and sounded somewhat shakey. His deep voice sent shivers down Sicheng's spine.

Sicheng hesitated but eventually turned and put on a casual expression on his face, smiling brightly. His heart racing faster than an F1 car. "Oh hello."

"Hi," Taeyong said, smiling warmly. "How are you today?"

_Not okay thanks to you_... Sicheng cleared his throat. "I'm good, thanks. And you?"

"Good, good."

"Ah... I have to.." Sicheng started, pointing his thumb towards the way he came from. But Taeyong interrupted him. "Would you like to sit with me for a while?"

Sicheng wanted to say no, but something powerful pulled him towards Taeyong so he obliged. He sat as far away from Taeyong as the bench would allow. He felt very awkward and he couldn't think of anything relevant to say. At that moment he could see from the corner of his eyes Taeyong was staring at him. Did he have something on his face? He swallowed nervously, wracking his brain for a way to break the awkward silence. Taeyong did it for him.

"So have you settled into your new home?"

"Uh...yes thank you." Sicheng knew it sounded curt but his being uncomfortable was all he could think about. If only Taeyong didn't continue to study his face like this...

"So where do you plan to finish school, here in Seoul, right?" Taeyong asked.

"Yes, in the School of Asian Performance Arts. Its just near here I think. My father's colleague who helped us settle here suggested it because his daughter also studies there. Luckily I got accepted so I can finish my remaining semesters there. They also live in our neighborhood. They were the ones who helped us get the apartment too. They are very kind, they're having dinner with us this weekend..." Suddenly Sicheng felt his cheeks burn. He was blabbering.

Taeyong was still looking at him, Sicheng realized. He seemed to be staring as if studying a piece of art hung at museums. Sicheng found his courage and dared to steal a glance at his companion. Taeyong's expression was that of amusement and something else. Sicheng could not place it. It was Taeyong's eyes that held his gaze. It was a gaze full of tenderness and something else. Something familiar. A flash of...desire? _No, that's not possible. I'm just remembering my dream, imagining things_. The thought brought Sicheng to reality. "What about you? Where do you study?"

"I used to go to that school," said Taeyong. Suddenly stiffening, ever so slightly that Sicheng wouldn't have noticed if not for the change of his expression and his eyes became somewhat guarded as he tore his gaze off from Sicheng's face. "Used to? Oh, you've graduated then," replied Sicheng.

"No, not yet, but I quit."

"Quit? But why? Don't you want to go back and finish school?"

Taeyong gave a small laugh. "You're like my mother. Nagging at me to go back to school everyday, its so frustrating. Maybe I should introduce you two so you can gang up on me." Sicheng sensed the bitterness in his response and it was his turn to stiffen. "Sorry, I just thought... I didn't mean..."

Taeyong's demeanor suddenly switched back to the warm, comfortable but somewhat awkward behavior. "Oh, God! No, no I'm sorry. That was so rude of me," he said looking embarrassed and apologetic. Taeyong placed his hand over Sicheng's and squeezed it warmly. A hundred tiny bolts of electricity shot through from Sicheng's hand all the way to his spine.

"I'm sorry," offered Taeyong with his stunning smile. "Sicheng I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me." Sicheng barely heard Taeyong's sincere apologies. He suddenly felt so hot.

"It's... I'm not normally like this. I'd like to make it up to you. Is it okay?" Sicheng returned the smile with a warmth he was feeling in the pit of his tummy. Taeyong still hadn't let go of his hand. "Its fine, its nothing, don't worry about it," Sicheng insisted.

"Friends," Taeyong offered. Sicheng was curious what that word meant to Taeyong. He wants to find out.

"Yes, friends."

Taeyong stood up and still not letting go of Sicheng's hand, he pulled him off from the bench and headed to the streets. "Come on, I'm treating you to the best meal ever."

"But..." Sicheng's protest fell on deaf ears. He had no choice but to follow Taeyong's lead. Not that he really wanted to decline. Besides he was too busy trying to suppress the warm feeling washing all over him from Taeyong's hand enclosing his. And from butterflies trying to rip his tummy. "Where are we going," asked Sicheng.

"You'll see." Taeyong's smile was knowing and playful. "Trust me, you'll love it."

The afternoon was young, the weather perfect. Sicheng couldn't ask for anything else. The man of his dream, literally, led him to the bus stop just a block away from the park. They rode the first bus to Han River. It didn't take a long time to get there but Sicheng savored every moment of it. The way their thighs were pressed together sitting close to each other. When Taeyong leans over to point a famous landmark, or when he whispered in his ear to share a funny anecdote that he thought was for Sicheng's ears alone. It was bliss.

They got off the bus and Taeyong led Sicheng to sit at the tables before going to the convenience store near the river. "Wait here."

After a while Taeyong returned carrying a tray laden with the ramen and fried chicken he bought for them. "Wow, that smells really good," exclaimed Sicheng.

Taeyong placed the food on the table and said, "Fine dining for my new friend." _Friend...of course, what else did he expect._

"Thanks, I love ramen and chicken." Winwin suddenly felt his stomach growling. He barely ate these past few days. Taeyong smiled looking amused as he sat beside Sicheng.

They ate their meals in silence at first. Then Taeyong started teasing Sicheng about how fast he wolfed down two pieces of chicken and a bowl of ramen. Sicheng smiled at him, a little embarrassed at his gusto in eating.

Taeyong smiled back and his gaze fell on Sicheng's mouth. Sicheng knew there were greasy breading crumbs at the corner of his lips. Taeyong gingerly wiped it off with his fingers. Both of them froze. Sicheng forgot how to breathe. His heart racing wildly. _What did he just do? Oh my God... Breathe Sicheng, breathe._

"Ahem," Taeyong cleared his throat nervously. "You're finished eating right?"

"I...so-sorry...you..." Sicheng stammered, finally remembering to breathe but unable to construct a proper reply.

" Uh...haha, you're such a mess while eating." Taeyong suddenly stood up and started clearing their mess and put everything on the tray to dispose of it. His face red from the neck up, seemed to be carved in stone. "Be right back."

Sicheng was still dazed, sitting still but his emotions were in turmoil. Taeyong touched his lips and everything he felt because of the dream, which he has been trying to forget, came crashing back like a wave. _Taeyong was just wiping crumbs off your mouth stupid. There was nothing to it. Just being friendly is what it is. Calm down. Right._ He took a deep breath, momentarily enjoying the view and felt much better. He knew he was being silly and he had better get his act together. Now.

When Sicheng saw Taeyong walking back towards him his heart skipped a beat. He can't help noticing how lithe Taeyong's body was, how powerful his strides and every movement seemed like part of a dance routine. _Hopeless, I'm so hopeless..._

Taeyong led Sicheng to the paths along the riverside. They walked quietly alongside each other, relishing the company although both seemed lost in their own thoughts.

However Sicheng's thoughts were hardly quiet. This man beside him affected him so much that all his sanity seems to have gone out the window. He has never felt like this before, neither for a girl nor a boy. He had to admit to himself, as reluctant as he was, that he was deeply attracted to Taeyong. And it was dangerous.

"Do you honestly think I should go back to school, Sicheng?"

Taeyong's tentative question startled Sicheng. He gave the question a thought, brows wrinkling.

"Do you want to?" Sicheng turned to look at his companion's handsome face, seeing the expression of surprise as if not expecting his response. His lips pressed together in a thin line.

Taeyong grabbed Sicheng's hand and lead him to a nearby bench. Sicheng could feel his palms turn clammy. All this touching is not helping.

They sat close together, Taeyong's knees touching his thigh. Sicheng looked at Taeyong's serious expression, pain, sadness and bitterness apparent in his eyes as if remembering something he'd rather forget. He took a deep breath and waited patiently for Taeyong to speak.

"I... um.. I had.." Taeyong obviously struggling to overcome his inner battle, wringing his hands together. Sicheng did not know how his hand moved by its own accord but he found himself holding Taeyong's hand and felt Taeyong squeeze it tightly and sighed.

"While I was in school, I met a girl." Taeyong was looking into space as if seeing something that wasn't there. Sicheng felt a sharp pang in his chest but ignored it. He kept on listening to what Taeyong had to say.

"She...uhm...we..." Taeyong's face turned red as a beet. Sicheng held his breath. "Something happened one night. It was an accident. We got drunk and...it just happened. And she got pregnant."


	5. Awareness

   


 

 

 

 

 

 

Sicheng felt numb from shock. Not from what Taeyong just confessed, but from the overwhelming jealousy he now felt. The pain in his chest must be what being stabbed by a sharp knife felt like. It was unbearable and he didn't understand why he felt this way. He had no right to yet it was there, plain and simple. 

Sicheng tried to take his hand from Taeyong's grasp but he held it tightly with both hands now, as if sensing Sicheng wanted to let go. So Sicheng kept still and tried his best not to show any emotions other than empathy. Or at least tried to make it seem like empathy. He was Taeyong's _friend_ so he should start acting like one. He remained silent and waited.

"It happened just before she graduated. She finished school but couldn't continue with becoming a dancer because she has her baby to take care of."

_Her baby...? Not our baby..._ Sicheng was puzzled at Taeyong's wording. Did he not claim responsibility for his mistake? Is he disowning his own child? He didn't know what to make of its meaning. And of Taeyong.

Taeyong shakily took a deep breath before he continued. "She works two jobs now at a small grocery store and a movie house. She had to work because her father kicked her out and won't support her. She's with her aunt now."

"Oh, I'm sorry to...hear that," was all Sicheng could utter before Taeyong went on with his story. "But this is not why I'm reluctant to go back to school."

"No?" Sicheng felt more was coming and he dreaded whatever it was. "So why...?"

Taeyong gave a short sarcastic laugh before he replied. "About three months ago, the older brother of the girl whom...I...got pregnant, Haejin, tried to kill me once with his bare hands. He and his friends ganged up and they... broke four of my ribs and fractured my wrist. I was in the hospital for over three weeks."

"Oh my God..." Sicheng cried out, concern and worry apparent in his face. "I'm so sorry, but are you alright? Does it still hurt? Was there any permanent damage? Have you seen to doctor again?" Sicheng couldn't help tightening his hold on Taeyong's hands which he now held in both of his. Then he realized it might be the one that got injured. Sicheng gasped.

"Oh I'm sorry, is this the..."

Taeyong smiled, eyes suddenly twinkling looking deeply into Sicheng's eyes. "Yes, but don't worry, I'm way better now."

Their eyes locked, boring into each other's soul. Seemingly trying to search answers they both needed to find. Sicheng suddenly felt his heart racing and a delicious warmth washed all over him. He wanted to open his mouth to utter words but none came to mind. He was so lost in Taeyong's mesmerizing gaze. Sicheng felt his hand move on its own accord and reached out to touch Taeyong's cheek, or was about to.

"Yongie...?"

The silky sounding voice broke the spell Taeyong and Sicheng was under and both of them looked up to see who its owner was.

"Holy fuck...oh man!"

Sicheng felt Taeyong let go of his hand as the tall and good looking fellow with an American accent laughed and approached them.

"Hey guys! Look who's here back from the dead."

"Taeyong! Oh my Gawd!" A younger handsome boy who looked to be in his late teens and with an English speaking accent, approached them. Tagging along behind him was another teenager with tanned skin and ridiculously red hair grinning from ear to ear asked "Taeyong where have you been? We didn't hear from you for... what... two, almost three months?"

"But he was hos..." Sicheng was cut off by Taeyong as he squeezed Sicheng's shoulder. "Sorry guys I had some things I needed to take care of. By the way this is my new neighbor Sicheng." _Whatever happened to friends_ thought Sicheng wryly, but smiled while he was introduced to each of the 'intruders'. They seemed to welcome him warmly, politely inquiring about him.

The tall young man who sounded American was Johnny and the other English speaking teenager was Mark, a Canadian. The boy with tanned skin and a mischievous grin was Haechan. Taeyong's friends from school as it were.

Sicheng quietly watched them banter, feeling a little left out. Mostly due to the fact he barely caught up with the language and how fast they spoke. But his thoughts were all tumbling around his head to join in anyway. _Taeyong has a child._

Taeyong said it was an accident and he was hurt because of it. Sicheng wondered about the fact that Taeyong didn't appear to care much for his child and seemed detached even. He understood it if Taeyong may not be in love with the girl or did he? Still, he should at least acknowledge the child, shouldn't he? That would have been the right thing, he thought.

"Taeyong, you sure you don't want to go with us to the arcade with Sicheng?" Mark's question brought back Sicheng from his pondering.

"It's getting a little late guys, sorry. We'll have to head back soon. Maybe next time." Taeyong politely declined. "Besides, I already stole too much of Sicheng's time."

"Aww, well ok then. Next time," Johnny said as he gave them a wave.

"Later guys! Oh and Taeyong when you come with us bring your girlfriend with you." Haechan said while he sniggered. Mark elbowed him. "Bye guys! Sicheng, we'll see you around!"

And with that, they were gone. A momentary silence ensued between the two who were left behind. But Sicheng was aware that Taeyong was obviously still struggling to contain his raw emotions from earlier. He was aware of the faraway look in those beautiful eyes. There was pain in them. This Sicheng did not want to see. He didn't like Taeyong looking so crestfallen. Despite his doubts, Sicheng wanted to take his chances and trust Taeyong. Whatever Taeyong's reason for his actions, Sicheng would give him the benefit of the doubt. The thought made Sicheng feel much better. He liked Taeyong a lot and he wants to give him his friendship and with it his trust. _Just friends, Sicheng. Friends._

"Sicheng, thank you for not saying anything. I really didn't want them to find out," Taeyong said. "And I'm sorry I cut you off earlier. They have no idea what happened. Let's keep it that way if you don't mind."

"It's alright, I understand," Sicheng responded. Then Sicheng added, "Taeyong, I know this situation may be hard for you, even getting hurt and all. But whatever is troubling you, please remember you can count on me to help. Whenever you need a... friend, I'll be here for you. Just tell me how I can help."

Taeyong looked at Sicheng seemingly in a different light, his gaze searching and wondering. As sudden as a flash of lightning, he took Sicheng in his arms and squeezed him tightly. Sicheng was dumbstruck. The unexpected hug brought Sicheng reeling. Those few seconds in Taeyong's arms seemed long enough for Sicheng to feel Taeyong's warm body, to get intoxicated by his scent and earn a gush of warmth all over. His heart was bursting. Gingerly he patted Taeyong's back while in a daze.

Taeyong, breaking off from the embrace, held Sicheng's shoulders and looked him in the eye. He hoped Taeyong didn't notice his reddened cheeks.

"Thank you Sicheng, you're a good person. I'm glad to have you as my friend."

Sicheng could only smile, he was too stunned to think of an appropriate response. Taeyong seemed to be content though and he said, "come on, let's go home. It'll be dark soon."

Taeyong stood from the bench and Sicheng followed suit. They walked to the bus stop to get a ride home. Taeyong put his arm across Sicheng's shoulders and gave it a squeeze, pulling him closer. Sicheng felt his cheeks grow hotter by the minute. _You need to get a_ _hold of yourself idiot. Quit acting like a schoolgirl with a crush. Ironic._

"My new best friend."

Sicheng was about to give Taeyong a proper response when he heard his phone's ring tone. He pulled it out of his pocket to pick up the call, seeing it was his mother. He shot a glance at Taeyong who was giving him a questioning look.

"Hi Mama," Sicheng said as he held the phone to his ear. Taeyong stepped away from Sicheng to give him some privacy.

"Sicheng! Where are you?"

"I'm at...I'm with a...friend, by the Han River," Sicheng replied.

"Friend? What _friend_ , you already have one?"

"Yes, our neighbor."

There was a short pause before Mrs. Dong spoke once more. "Oh. You need to come home right away. Your father suddenly needs to go on a business trip to Japan and he wants me to join him. Only until Sunday. Can you manage three days alone baby?" Sicheng's mother said hurriedly. "I'm worried about you, but you're father said you're capable. Hmph! We have to leave tonight."

"So soon? But don't worry, I'll be fine," Sicheng stole a glance at Taeyong who was watching him curiously. "I'll be home in fifteen."

"Bring your friend, I'd like to meet her."

The call was cut off before Sicheng could correct his mother. _Her_. Why would she presume it's a female?

"Trouble?" Taeyong asked shoving his hands into his pockets.

"No. No trouble," Sicheng shaking his head explained what his mother told him. "So I'll be alone for three days."

"Hmm, then maybe you should make the most out of it," Taeyong muttered, punctuating it with a lopsided grin. Sicheng's heart leaped in his chest.

"Uh, but Mama wants to meet you."

"Meet me? Sure," Taeyong smiled brightly. "I'd like that."

"Sorry, she's a bit nosy," Sicheng said sheepishly.

"Mothers usually are," said Taeyong and smiled.

Sicheng was about to give Taeyong his reply when suddenly large random drops of rain fell. They rushed to beat the downpour to no avail. By the time they reached the bus stop, they were drenched to the bone. Dusk has fallen and the next bus seemed to take longer than usual. It was getting dark and cold and Sicheng was getting worried.

"Are you alright Sicheng?" Taeyong gave Sicheng an intent look.

Sicheng nodded his response as he looked at Taeyong, but he knew his heart wasn't. He shivered involuntarily.


	6. Caring

   


 

Sicheng shuddered from the chill of the early evening and he wrapped his arms around himself, rubbing his hands on his body trying to generate heat through his wet shirt. Taeyong looked at him as they sat together on the bench.

"I'm sorry, this is my all fault," he said with a small pout.

Sicheng found it adorable but held himself in check. "How could this be your fault, you can't control the rain," he retorted, followed by another shiver.

Taeyong noticed it. He inched closer putting his arm around Sicheng and briskly rubbed his body. Sicheng would have felt something other than the chill, but not this time. He was freezing and all of a sudden he sneezed.

"I'll feel very awful if you catch a cold or get sick," Taeyong declared with a taint of guilt in his voice, his brows creasing with worry.

Just then the bus finally arrived and the two hopped on. At least the bus felt warmer than outside. All the way home Taeyong kept fussing over Sicheng, wiping wherever he felt was the most wet with his already damp hanky. Sicheng on the other hand was constantly telling Taeyong he was alright, which the latter ignored.

Their stop came and they alighted the bus, rushing to the condo. Sicheng by this time was already feeling the cold seep in through his body, giving him short uncontrollable chills. Taeyong put his arm around him once more, briskly rubbing wherever he can. If not for the condition Sicheng was in that moment, he would have felt giddy with all the attention Taeyong was giving him. But all he felt was the cold and the beginnings of a gigantic headache.

They finally entered the condo and Sicheng saw the small suitcases already packed and his mother was going to and fro, checking if she left something behind. She didn't seem to notice the two come in.

"Mama," Sicheng called out to his mother. "We're here."

Mrs. Dong Xia looked up and gasped at the sight before her eyes. "Sicheng, what on earth..."

"It rained," was all Sicheng could say, trying to control himself from shivering so his mother won't notice.

"I know that," Mrs. Dong said flatly. "Go quickly and change."

"After I see Taeyong off, I'll go change right away," Sicheng promised. He glanced at Taeyong who was trying to avoid everyone's eyes.

Mrs. Dong's gaze then fell on Taeyong who was looking sheepish with his hands in his pockets. She gave him a shrewd look from head to toe. There was something in her eyes that bothered Sicheng but he was too distracted with controlling his chills to focus.

" _You're_ Sicheng's friend?" Mrs. Dong blinked at Taeyong. A strange expression on her pretty face. Sicheng couldn't help but notice the emphasis on 'you're' and flinched.

"Good evening, Ma'm," Taeyong said as he reached out his hand to Mrs. Dong. "I'm Lee Taeyong, Sicheng's friend. We live down the hall."

Mrs. Dong took Taeyong's hand and gave a hiss. "You're cold as ice. You too young man. You need to change into dry clothes."

Mrs. Dong's gaze shifted from one to the other, lingering on Taeyong. There was a curious glint in her eye again that caught Sicheng's attention. What could she be thinking?

 

"Now off with both of you before you catch your death," she said while shaking her head. "If not for the fact that we're leaving right now, I wouldn't have let this slide. Your father is almost ready and we're about to go. Now Sicheng please call me if anything happens. Wait."

Mrs. Dong took to rummaging through her purse. "Eh, what's your name again young man?"

"Lee Taeyong, ma'am."

"I need a favor from you Taeyong. Please look after Sicheng while we're away, if you don't mind. Your friend is as stubborn as a mule at times. He needs looking after." She handed her phone which she took out of her purse to Taeyong. "Please give me your number, just in case I can't contact my son here."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Mama, please," Sicheng protested but it fell on deaf ears. "I can take care of myself."

Both of them ignored Sicheng while they exchanged numbers and it annoyed him somewhat. That moment Sicheng's father came out of the room already dressed and ready to go.

"Dear God, Dong Sicheng, why are you wet?"

Mrs. Dong said wryly, "your son got rained on, dear. Now please bring down the suitcases and I'll meet you downstairs. The cab is ready."

Then she turned her attention to the two boys saying, "now you two behave and get into dry clothes." She tiptoed and kissed Sicheng on the forehead. "I'm sorry Mama has to leave you alone. We'll be back soon. Food is in the microwave and the soup is in the slow cooker. I'll call as soon as we arrive. Love you!"

Mr. Dong took the suitcases and looked at Sicheng. "Be a good boy while we're away. Be safe." Then he squinted at Taeyong who gave a weak smile. "Who are you, young man?"

Taeyong extended his hand and introduced himself. Mr. Dong set down the baggage and shook Taeyong's hand vigorously saying, "you boys should get warm. You'll get sick like this." Then he ruffled Sicheng's wet hair as you would a 4-year old. Sicheng cringed.

"Love you son, see you soon."

Sicheng's parents left with the front door banging shut behind them. As if on cue, Sicheng could no longer contain the chills.

Taeyong looked worriedly at Sicheng, noting how he was shaking. "You sure you'll be ok?"

Sicheng managed a weak smile and said, "I'll be fine."

"Give me your phone," ordered Taeyong.

Sicheng took it out of his pocket and handed it over to Taeyong's outstretched hand. Taeyong keyed in his number and then called himself after saving it. "Here, I added my number. Call me right away if you need me. Alright?"

Sicheng nodded and sneezed before he could say, "Don't worry I'll be fine. You should go home and rest."

"Take a hot shower to warm up your body. You hear me? I'll go home for a bit and come back to check on you."

"You really don't have to," Sicheng replied. "I'll be fine."

"House key," Taeyong said with his palm up towards Sicheng who gave him a quizzical look.

"I'll be checking on you later," he explained. "How will you let me in when you're in bed?"

Sicheng obliged with a sigh of resignation. He took the spare keys from the key dish by the counter and handed them over to Taeyong.

"Thanks. Now go," said Taeyong and gave Sicheng a little nudge. "I'll come back to check on you later. I'll let myself out. Send me a text message once you're done."

Sicheng nodded gave his new friend a little smile and headed back to his room. He heard Taeyong leave as he quickly peeled off his wet clothes, shivering all the while.

By the time he finished the hot shower and slipped into his pajamas, Sicheng had a terrible headache and he felt the beginnings of a fever. All he had the strength for was creep under the blanket and pull it up his chin. He felt his shivering subside somewhat and sleep finally beckoned him.

***

Having showered and changed into an old black tee and black track bottoms, Taeyong twiddled his fingers as he sat on the bed in his room with his legs stretched out one over the other. He kept on glancing at the phone nestled on his lap.  He wondered why Sicheng was taking so long to send his text message. He didn't want to barge into Sicheng's room and catch him off guard. He was worried, but decided to wait for the message a little longer.

"Fifteen minutes. If he doesn't send a message by then, I'll go check on him," Taeyong said to himself.

Thinking about Sicheng led him to recall the events earlier in the afternoon. Taeyong could remember vividly touching his mouth. Looking back he did so involuntarily like he was drawn to Sicheng's lips. He was shaken after realizing what he's done. What was wrong with him? He has never felt this way with anyone before.

As a young boy, he avoided girls. He thought it was a natural thing for an adolescent. Come to think of it, he rarely found a girl who actually piqued his interest, except maybe Jandi. But Jandi aroused totally different emotions from him. Unlike the way he felt with Sicheng now.

Sicheng made him want to be with him, to care for him the way he did earlier when they were soaked. But something more bothered him. He wanted to hold Sicheng the way a...a lover would. His heart stopped for a moment.

_Am I attracted to Sicheng?_ He was paralyzed at the very thought of it but could no longer deny it. _I'm physically attracted to Sicheng?!_ He must have known this at the back of his mind the very first time he saw Sicheng at the stairwell dragging those suitcases. Taeyong shook his head and craned his neck to settle his head back on the headboard. He likes Sicheng. His heart gave a small leap. _God, I like Sicheng._ Taeyong closed his eyes and thought Sicheng should never know. If Sicheng finds out, he'll lose his friendship. He'll lose his precious friend and he felt a sharp pang in his chest at the very thought of it. _He can never find out._

 


	7. Affection

   


 

_Taeyong tried to focus though the darkness, squinting at the black space ahead of him. The sewage tunnel was dank, moist and the potent smell of waste filled his nostrils. He wrinkled his nose as he tread carefully and shuddered as the sewage water seeped into his Chucks. There goes my favorite sneakers, he thought as he continued to explore the tunnel. His steps caused splashing sounds from the puddles of acrid, stagnant water._

_He knew he had to find something...or someone, but he could never remember. His brows furrowed trying to think why he was there. It was then that he heard a soft cry, calling out his name._

_"Taeyong..."_

_He tilted his head, straining to hear where the voice was coming from. Judging from the echoes, it was far ahead. Or was it? The tunnel felt like a maze, with twists and turns. The sounds bounced around the concrete walls. It was hard to pinpoint where the sound actually came from. But he knew he had to find the person calling out to him. His instinct was telling him he was needed and the owner of the voice must be in danger. But how did he know that?_

_Shrugging, he moved further forward. He was about to pass straight though a point where the tunnels crossed. Where do they lead? Where should he go? To the left, right or straight ahead. Then he heard it once more._

_"Taeyong...Taeyong..."_

_Cocking his head he listened intently, trying to guess the location. To the left, he decided as he turned into that tunnel. It seemed even darker here. He cursed why he had no phone he could use to illuminate the gloominess. The voice sounded awfully familiar and the nagging feeling of trying to find someone never left him. He must find this person he thought, as he turned left into the maze of sewage tunnels._

_Taeyong didn't know how far he has progressed through this forsaken dungeon. He was getting fretful and jumpy. Especially when an enormous sewer rat crossed his path. Finally at the far end he could see a muted light, trying vainly to fend off the darkness it met. He headed for it, hoping to find out some indication on the voice again. He hasn't heard the calling for some time now and it worried him. A sense of urgency overcame him as he approached the faint light._

_The tunnel ended in a large dimly lit room with a tiny window above framing a rusty metal grill. The moonlight shining softly through it, seemingly encasing a crumpled figure at the center of the room. The figure was lying motionless with his back towards Taeyong. Then it dawned on him. He knew who it was and he felt his heart tighten with fright._

_"Sicheng!" Taeyong cried out as he ran towards him and knelt beside him, cautiously lifting Sicheng onto his lap and cradling his head. He was breathing and Taeyong felt relieved. He touched Sicheng's cheek and it felt cold and he looked deathly pale and eyes closed._

_"Sicheng?"_

_A soft moan was all the response Taeyong could get. "Please, please be alright," Taeyong whispered. He needed to get Sicheng out of here. He wondered how he could carry him all the way out whilst finding the exit._

_As Taeyong pondered on his dilemma, a tall figured appeared at the threshold. The long knife in is hand glinting under the moonlight. Taeyong felt his chest tighten in fear as he saw the figure's face. It was Haejin._

_"You think I'm done with you?" He asked, lips curled in a rictus, as he slowly approached menacingly. "I'll kill you, but I'll kill him first so you can watch your lover die painfully."_

_"No..." Taeyong was frozen in fear. He knew if he tried to carry Sicheng and run off his predator will still catch them. There had to be a way._

_"Please, don't hurt him," he begged, tightening his arms around Sicheng protectively as tears welled in his eyes. "Take me instead. Do anything to me, but don't hurt him."_

_Haejin was now at arms reach. He looked down on the two figures with a snarl and knelt beside Taeyong. He grabbed Taeyong by the hair, pulling his head back, forcing him to look Haejin in the eye._

_"I'll do what I want."_

_Haejin then raised the knife over his head as if motioning to strike. Taeyong closed his eyes in resignation of his fate._

 

Taeyong's eyes fluttered open and felt wetness on his cheeks, wiping them off with the back of his hand. Tears. His heart was racing as he recalled the dream as horribly vivid and he shuddered. He knew Haejin would never do such a thing as he did in the dream. It was preposterous. It was just a dream.

Taeyong blinked. How long has he been asleep? "Sicheng," he murmured. "I should check on him."

He jumped at the phone vibrating on his lap and saw "Mrs. Dong" flashing on it's screen. He answered the call.

"Hello, Mrs. Dong."

"Taeyong? Good, you're awake," Mrs. Dong uttered with relief in her voice. "I've been trying to call Sicheng and he hasn't picked up. Now his phone is dead. I'm worried. I'm sorry for the bother, but do you mind checking on him? It's past eleven and I still haven't spoken to him."

Almost midnight...he was asleep for four hours. Taeyong quickly replied, "Yes, ma'am, I'll go look right away. I'll send you a message once I've checked on him. I'm sorry, I fell asleep."

"Oh, no! No, I should be the one apologizing for bothering you. I'm just so worried and I feel helpless."

"I'll go there right now," Taeyong said as he got up from the bed and headed for the door. "I'm on my way."

"Thank you, Taeyong. Thank you," Mrs. Dong said and she dropped the call to allow Taeyong some time to go to Sicheng. Taeyong then stuffed the phone in his pocket and headed for Sicheng's home.

Taeyong struggled with the keys. His hands were shaking having had no time to recover from the cursed dream. He was on edge and now worry filled him as he finally entered the condo and shut the door behind him.

"Sicheng..." Taeyong called out tentatively as looked around and walked towards what he presumed was Sicheng's room. He knocked on the door softly.

"Sicheng, are you awake?"

Sensing no response he opened the door, silently thanking the heavens it was unlocked. He took a peek inside and saw Sicheng lying on the bed, sleeping.Taeyong approached the still form and gently placed his hand on Sicheng's forehead. It was burning hot that Taeyong let out a sharp gasp as if his hand got scalded. He quickly sent a message to Sicheng's mother that her son was having a fever, but not to worry. He promised to look after him and take care of him till the fever goes down. He paused, then winced as he added an apology for bringing Sicheng to Han River. It was my fault after all.

Taeyong was in the act of putting away his phone when he felt it vibrating once more. Mrs. Dong was calling.

"Hello, ma'am," he said softly. "I'm in Sicheng's room, he's sleeping right now."

"Is he alright? How high is his fever? Give him a sponge bath of lukewarm water all over his body. The medicines and thermometer are in the pink jar on the kitchen counter. If his fever won't go down bring him to the hospital. If you two are hungry, the soup is in the slow cooker and chicken in the microwave. Feed him and give him medicines. Can you manage that, Taeyong? Will you be able to take care of my baby? Oh God, why did he have to get sick when I'm away," Mrs. Dong burst out in a tirade. Taeyong felt she was close to tears.

"It'll be alright Mrs. Dong. Please don't worry," Taeyong said earnestly. "I'm here. I'll...care for Sicheng the way you would have, if you were here instead. I promise you, I won't let anything happen to him. I won't leave him...ever."

There was a long pause of silence from the other end that it made Taeyong wonder if the call was cut off. "He-Hello?"

"I heard you, my boy," Mrs. Dong responded in a soft voice. "I know you will, I...understand. Let me know if anything changes?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And Taeyong...thank you. My Sicheng is lucky to have you."

Taeyong's brows creased in his confusion. Mrs. Dong sounded odd towards the end of their conversation. She must be really worried. Shrugging his shoulders, he set himself to the task of bringing down Sicheng's fever. He tried not to panic but he was worried. If he failed to break the fever, he might need to bring Sicheng to the hospital by morning.

He went to the kitchen in search of a clean sponge and a small basin to fill with warm water. Hurriedly he prepared everything he needed and went back to the bedroom.

Setting down the basin on the nightstand Taeyong took out the thermometer from his pocket to check Sicheng's temperature. 39 degrees. He pursed his lips and lifted the blanket off from Sicheng and sat on the bed. Wetting the sponge he carefully dabbed it on Sicheng's face and neck. From the back of his mind Taeyong can't help himself admiring the contours of the Sicheng's face. Such a beautiful creature doesn't deserve to feel pain and sickness. _Taeyong, control your emotions._ He clucked his tongue and focused on his task.

Taeyong unbuttoned the pajama top to continue with the upper body. He dabbed the sponge on Sicheng's neck to the collarbone with such gentleness it would put a mother's touch to shame.

Sicheng moaned in protest as the sponge trickled water on his body. Taeyong could virtually hear hissing as the wet sponge touched Sicheng. He was hot to the touch and his skin had an almost reddish taint. "Sorry Sicheng, I need to do this so you'll feel better."

With brows furrowed Taeyong worked faster now, wiping his charge with the sponge, wetting it more when necessary. He ignored the fact that Sicheng's skin was smooth and silky. That the muscular angles on his body was a sight to behold. Taeyong had to swallow nervously several times while he wiped the whole body until his legs. He promised to take care of Sicheng and nurse him to health and he will do that. Now was not the time to entertain thoughts that should never have been on his mind in the first place.

Finally Taeyong finished giving Sicheng a sponge bath and he felt cooler to the touch. Checking his temperature once more, Taeyong was glad that it went down to 38 degrees. Taeyong quickly updated Mrs. Dong.

Now to feed Sicheng and give him medicines to bring down the temperature completely. After tidying up, he went to the kitchen and prepared a bowl of soup and took the flu medicines from the jar. Once back in the room he set the tray he carried from the kitchen on the night stand and sat on the bed beside Sicheng.

"Sicheng," Taeyong said softly, trying not to startle him. Taeyong touched Sicheng's shoulder and gently shook him to wake him up. Sicheng merely moaned in protest. Taeyong shook him once more. "Sicheng, you need to drink your medicines."

Sicheng merely fluttered his eyelids and started to shake and shiver. "S-so co-cold..."

Taeyong's brows creased as he placed his hand on Sicheng's cheek. He felt slightly cooler than before but looking at his charge he was shivering all over.

"Are you feeling cold Sicheng?"

He merely nodded in response, barely able to open his eyes properly as he shivered.

"I'll rub you down," Taeyong said. "But you need to drink this first, okay?"

Taeyong sat closer to Sicheng then propped him up with the pillows. He barely complained, merely kept shivering more. Taeyong hastily fed him the medicine and he downed it with water before settling him back into the covers. He rubbed Sicheng's arms and legs through the blanket briskly, trying to generate heat. It didn't seem to work though, with Sicheng still shaking even more.

Taeyong gulped nervously. He thought of the only way to make Sicheng feel warmer but it would make him feel very uncomfortable, having just realized how he feels for Sicheng. _Stupid idiot, are you thinking about that now? Seriously?_

Taeyong sighed audibly, chastising himself to discard silly thoughts from his head. He climbed onto the bed with Sicheng under the covers and took him in his arms. Sicheng moved in closer and snuggled into the crook of Taeyong's neck, shivering like a leaf. Taeyong stiffened but he studiously rubbed Sicheng's back, arms, wherever his hands could reach.

Lying on the bed this close to Sicheng made Taeyong's breathing erratic. He felt Sicheng's whole body close to his, every sinew and form, he felt through his thin clothing. He could feel Sicheng's breath on his neck. He shuddered slightly, his heart racing. Taeyong steeled himself, pursing his lips he tried his best to detach himself. This was not the time and place to let his emotions run away from him. If he wants to remain friends he shouldn't let his feelings get ahead of himself.

Taeyong dutifully rubbed Sicheng and after a while he felt the shivering lessen until it stopped. Sicheng was almost motionless except for the heavy breathing he constantly felt on his neck.

Touching Sicheng's cheek to see if he still had fever, Taeyong felt Sicheng stir and heard him murmur, calling out to his mother and something else in Chinese. But he could have sworn he heard his name clearly. Taeyong wondered what he was trying to say. Could he be needing something?

"Sicheng, is there something you wanted to say to me? Did you need anything?"

Sicheng's mumbling incoherently continued. But again, Taeyong clearly heard his name once more. Taeyong was about to ask Sicheng what he wanted but at that very moment, Sicheng put his arm around Taeyong's waist. Taeyong froze, heart racing. Then felt Sicheng's lips landing softly on his neck _,_ lingering deliciously and snuggled even closer.

Taeyong swallowed nervously and shut his eyes tightly. It was just because he moved closer, to get warmer, thought Taeyong. There was nothing to it. Nothing at all. Just accidental. Taeyong gulped and prayed to all the gods to give him the strength to resist whatever he needs to resist.

Taeyong steeled himself and dutifully continued to rub Sicheng's back, patting him and lulling him to go back to sleep. He did not know how long, but felt Sicheng's breathing become deep and in regular intervals. He was finally asleep.

He thought of Sicheng's accidental peck on his neck and groaned. He couldn't he let that affect him when he knew Sicheng never intended it. Sicheng treated him as a friend that was all. Taeyong sighed. He never imagined taking care of someone you had feelings for and was deeply attracted to was so difficult. Especially if it was a one-way deal. He knew it was the silliest, oddest and craziest thing that ever happened to him. But he will treasure it and keep it tucked away, forever a secret. His affections for Sicheng  will be buried in the deepest recesses of his heart.

Taeyong thought of Sicheng, with him lying in his arms, warmed his heart. It filled him with such peace that it felt like home. Momentarily forgetting all his recent heartaches and physical pain. Taeyong couldn't resist nuzzling Sicheng's hair. He has fallen for this angel, a perfect and beautiful angel. It was incomprehensible to him, but there it was, plain and simple. It was illogical yet he understood. The heart chooses what the head denies.

Remembering his dream Taeyong shuddered and closed his eyes, holding Sicheng tighter. He whispered into Sicheng's hair, "I won't let anything happen to you. I'll take care of you and protect you, even if it kills me."

They remained that way for some time, in each other's arms, until Taeyong also fell into a peaceful slumber.

 


	8. Failure in Denial

   


 

 

 

Sicheng slowly came to his senses, stirring to what enticed him. His body ached all over, his throat parched, his head throbbing. But strangely it was his sense of smell that woke him up. The room became redolent of the savory smell of... french toast... bacon... eggs... and hot chocolate wafting into his bedroom. Did his parents come back home right away? Impossible. Then who...? Was he dreaming?

Dream. Sicheng's brows wrinkled in concentration. Did he dream he was being held by Taeyong in his arms and couldn't resist landing a light peck on his sweet smelling neck? _His neck. Dear God I'm going too far with this silly crush on Taeyong. You have to stop now, Sicheng. Before you completely lose yourself._

Sicheng turned to his side and noticed a glass of water sitting on the nightstand. He must have left it there before he went to bed. Lifting himself up and resting on his elbow he reached for it, groaning as he did so and took several sips before placing it back and gingerly tried to sit up. His body felt stiff and his headache seemed to be getting worse by the minute. He should get up and investigate the source of that wonderful smell.

Sicheng got up slowly and dragged his bare feet to the kitchen, sliding his hand along the pale mocha plastered walls for support as he walked out.

Across the living area was the kitchen and dining areas at the far end of the condo. The bright sunlight filtered by sheer beige curtains illuminating the undivided room making it bright and welcoming. lt went unnoticed as Sicheng wasn't prepared for the sight that greeted him.

There by the kitchen counter was Taeyong, chopping up some strawberries. Lined on the dark mahogany table was all the food he smelled. Sicheng blinked in disbelief. How did Taeyong manage to prepare breakfast much less find strawberries? _And why?_

"Taeyong?"

Hearing his name so suddenly made Taeyong jump and look up at Sicheng from behind the narrow island separating the kitchen from the dining area . He cut his index finger with the sharp knife. "Aahh..."

Sicheng gasped and immediately ran up to him, aches and pains forgotten. Then he did the most unexpected thing one ever could. He took Taeyong's hand and took the bleeding finger into his mouth, sucking on it to stop more blood from oozing out.

Time seemed to stop as the two of them froze. Even their breathing stopped, both scared to be the first one to move. Aghast, Sicheng seemed to come to his senses. As if everything was happening in slow motion, he pulled out Taeyong's finger from his mouth. He dared to steal a glance at his companion and discovered Taeyong's gaze was fixed on his mouth where his finger had been, mouth hanging open. Sicheng felt all the blood drain from his face. If wishes could be granted, he wished himself to cease to exist. _What the fuck have I done?! I'm sick...I need help._

He quickly tried to recover from his horrible blunder by letting go of Taeyong's hand and grabbing the antiseptic and plaster strips from the kitchen drawer. Sicheng took Taeyong's hand once more, poured the antiseptic over the wounded finger. He felt Taeyong flinch so he blew gently on it.

"S-sicheng, it's fine," Taeyong croaked. "The cut isn't deep. Sorry, I'm so clumsy."

Sicheng ignored him as he put the plaster over the wound, careful not to hurt his ward. His heart racing all the while, wondering why on earth did he do such a thing as putting Taeyong's finger in his mouth. He felt his face burn as shame and embarrassment overtook him. _Stupid, stupid fool_.

“Th-thank you,” Taeyong stuttered, carefully avoiding having to look directly at his friend. “Ah, you’re awake now. How...how are you feeling?” Taeyong placed his hand on Sicheng’s forehead to test his temperature but he took away his hand off as quickly, seemingly scalded. “You were burning up last night. I...uh... did my best to bring your fever down.”

“I’m fine, thank you,” Sicheng said, hiding his embarrassment. Then it dawned on him. “You were here...the whole night?”

“Yes,” Taeyong said, cheeks suddenly tainted with a bright red.  “Your Mama was worried and asked me to look after you, so um..I did.”

“Oh, thank you. I apologize for Mama bothering you.  But where did you sleep, on the couch?”

Taeyong gulped. “It’s fine. Come, you need to eat so you’ll recover your strength and take medicines. I...made these, I hope you like french toast.”

Sicheng smiled at Taeyong. “Thank you, for everything.”

Their eyes locked for a few moments, both speechless. But somehow the gaze was filled with all meaningful emotions they are unable to share with one another. Taeyong recovered first and pushed Sicheng into a chair, handing him the plate of french toast and topped it with strawberries. He also motioned the plate of bacon and scrambled eggs in front of Sicheng. “Finish all of these. Uh, I’m going to tidy up while you eat. Alright?”

Sicheng nodded in agreement saying, “Why don’t you join me? This is too much, I won’t finish all of these by myself.”

“I’m not really hungry...”

“If you’re not eating, I’m not eating,” Sicheng said vehemently.

Taeyong sighed and sat beside Sicheng and skewered the lone strawberry slice with a fork and put it in his mouth.  Sicheng found the act mesmerizing. It was tart and Taeyong shuddered, making Sicheng stifle a laugh. Taeyong looked at him with twinkling eyes. They finished everything except the strawberries.

The rest of the day was spent with the two of them together and yet not. After breakfast, Taeyong shooed Sicheng back into the room for a shower and ordered Sicheng to bed thereafter.  “You need to recover your strength. Rest at least for today.”

“But I’m well now.”

“You can only get out of your bedroom for your meals. I’ll be out here doing the chores.”

“But I’ll be bored,” complained Sicheng with a small pout.

Taeyong ignored him and shoved him back towards the room.  “Then we’ll watch a movie tonight.”

“You shouldn’t be doing all these things, you know.”

“I promised your mother.”

True to his words, Taeyong cooked their meals, cleaned the house, did the laundry. He even managed to re-stock the freezer with the money from the green jar at the kitchen counter, at Mrs. Dong’s request of course, after her nth number of calls and her 100th thanks.

All the while, Sicheng was either lying staring at the ceiling or twiddling his fingers as he sat on the bed while he listened to the sounds Taeyong’s movements created. It turned into a little game, trying to guess what he was doing and where his footsteps lead to. He barely saw the boy, only at lunchtime when they ate together. Then it was back to bed for him despite heavy protests.

Taeyong was there, yet Sicheng missed him. He couldn’t fathom that nagging feeling of wanting to be close to Taeyong. The smell of him, the feel of him...the taste of him. Sicheng groaned and buried his face in the down pillow. He put Taeyong’s finger in his mouth. _I’m a pervert. Can I die now?_

Sicheng was curious or rather worried of what Taeyong thought of him now. He’d bet his life on it that Taeyong must think he’s twisted. ‘He’ll surely avoid me now,’ thought Sicheng wryly.

But then, there he was acting like his mother. A more strict mother. Sicheng pulled the pillow in his arms and sighed. He liked Taeyong so much. His feelings growing deeper with every breath he took. It was agonizing. How can he stop it when Taeyong  was always there taking care of him? How can he prevent making a complete fool of himself, knowing that Taeyong will certainly drop him like a hot potato if he discovered it? He can’t even control his own actions. He should be more careful now or it will shame him to no end. He didn’t want to lose his only ‘friend’ in the whole country. With those troubled thoughts, Sicheng dozed off.

Night fell and it was movie time. The two sat together on the living room couch, balancing their plates laden with fried chicken and veggies on their laps as they put their feet up on the coffee table. They decided on ‘Fabricated City’ and ate heartily while watching.

Sicheng enjoyed the chicken so much he kept licking his fingers soundly after devouring every piece. From the corner of his eye he saw Taeyong stare at him with parted lips. ‘He must be annoyed at my bad habit,’ Sicheng thought. Embarrassed, he turned to apologize but Taeyong immediately said, “uh, let me get that for you.” He took both plates to the sink.

Sicheng followed him after pressing pause on the remote with his pinky and insisted on helping with the dishes. Taeyong refused but Sicheng already turned on the tap and started soaping off the dishes. Taeyong grabbed the towel to dry the them instead. That done, they continued viewing the movie. 

A quarter through while Sicheng was so engrossed watching, he felt Taeyong’s head slowly land on his shoulder. He stiffened and looked to see Taeyong asleep. The thought of him tired after slaving the whole day away pulled at Sicheng’s heart strings. This boy, who’s offered himself so freely without asking for anything in return has captured his heart. He was even more beautiful on the inside than out.

Sicheng was overwhelmed by the emotions overpowering him, looking at the top of this gentle creature’s head. His rich dark hair almost touching Sicheng’s nose. He couldn’t resist himself as he nuzzled the luscious hair, smelling it’s sweet scent. Taeyong’s scent. He closed his eyes, wishing the moment could last forever.

The car explosion must have startled Taeyong that he jerked his head up and bumped his crown into Sicheng’s nose. Sicheng groaned, clutching his nose in pain.

Taeyong who was startled looked at Sicheng in confusion. Sicheng looked at his hand and saw a spot of blood on his palm. Taeyong saw the blood and gasped. “Sicheng! Oh my God, your nose is bleeding?”

His shoulders started shaking, making Taeyong panic, unaware that Sicheng was merely trying to control his laughter. “Let me see!” Taeyong exclaimed as he removed Sicheng’s other hand from his nose. He cupped Sicheng’s face and lifted it for inspection. The closeness of Taeyong’s face to his made Sicheng lose his mirth as they caught each other’s eyes. Their faces too close for comfort but both trapped in the spellbinding gaze of the other. Sicheng let out a sigh from his mouth as he looked upon Taeyong’s parted lips. He could feel Taeyong’s warm breath on his skin. He shuddered.

As if snapping out of a dream Taeyong blinked and stood up, went straight to the kitchen to get a towel and placed several ice cubes in it before knotting the ends before returning to Sicheng. He gingerly placed the makeshift ice bag over Sicheng’s nose. His face a mask of stone. “Here, this should stop the bleeding completely.”

“Thank you,” Sicheng said, looking pale as he held the ice bag in place. _What have I done...have I... almost kissed Taeyong? God._

They continued the movie in silence. Neither of them spoke, too preoccupied with their thoughts. Sicheng motioned to get rid of the ice pack, but Taeyong prevented him and did it himself. Sicheng felt like a dark cloud passed over them. He hated himself for it. He suspected it was his emotions running away from him that caused him to be so reckless. He chastised himself for possibly ruining everything.

When the movie ended, Taeyong insisted Sicheng rest. “You need a good night’s sleep to recover fully. Your mother will hate me if you went on a relapse.”

Sicheng could only mumble in agreement. “But you also need to rest, Taeyong. You did everything here. I...you didn’t need to. I’m sorry...”

“Stop. I promised your mother and I’m your friend so I had to do it. Friends take care of each other, right?”

Taeyong’s smile tugged at Sicheng’s heart. He smiled back. “Thank you. You’re such a good friend. I... I don’t deserve you.”

“I’m the lucky one, Sicheng.”

Taeyong’s lingering gaze made Sicheng flush. He pushed down his emotions and made a mental note to keep doing so. Otherwise a repeat of what happened earlier might ruin everything permanently. He was about to open his mouth to protest when Taeyong’s phone gave off a tone. Pulling it out of his pocket he answered the call. It was Mrs. Dong.

“Good evening ma’am,” Taeyong said respectfully.

Sicheng watched Taeyong talk to his mother. He found it weird and awkward that his mother has been calling Taeyong now instead of him. It irked him that despite several messages he sent to his mother saying he was fine, that Taeyong should go home and he shouldn’t be bothered, he was being ignored. All he got were replies of ‘love you baby’ or ‘miss you son’ or ‘Taeyong took good care of you’.

“No, ma’am it’s alright. Sicheng and I will go there tomorrow. I’ll make sure he’s fine. Good night.”

Sicheng looked at Taeyong with confusion, brows wrinkling.

“Your mother received a message from the school uniform tailor. You have an appointment for a fitting tomorrow. I’m coming with you to make sure you don’t collapse,” Taeyong explained lightly.

“Really, I’m fine. I’m not a baby,” Sicheng whined. “You’re both treating me like one.”

Taeyong smiled and looked at him adoringly, which Sicheng overlooked because of his frustration.

“I need to make sure you won’t get a relapse. You had a fever remember? So one o’clock tomorrow we’ll... ”

Whatever Taeyong was about to say was cut off by the phone going off again. Sicheng was getting embarrassed by his mother. But then, it wasn’t his mother on the other end when Taeyong uttered her name on answering the call.

“Jandi,” Taeyong said as he stood up from the couch and walked to the balcony glass doors, peeking out thru the curtains.

Sicheng’s heart sank. He felt like a fool, trying to eavesdrop on a private conversation. But he was dying of curiosity apart from the sharp pang he felt in his chest he identified as jealousy. This Jandi was someone who has more claim on Taeyong than he ever could.

“Tomorrow. Yes....no, it’s fine. 4:00 o’clock, right. Bye.”

Sicheng dared not look at Taeyong just then as he walked back to the couch while stuffing his phone into his back pocket. “So,” Taeyong said after clearing his throat. “We’ll go to the tailor at 1:00PM, okay?”

Sicheng nodded while looking at the patterned rug. He dared not look at Taeyong for fear of disclosing his uncalled for jealousy.

“Taeyong, you should go home and rest. You’ve done far too much here than you should.”

“I’ll stay here...”

Sicheng looked up when he could finally summon a casual expression on his face. Hiding the pain caused by jealousy tearing at his heart. He put on the friendliest smile he could muster. “I insist. Otherwise, I’ll throw you out forcibly.”

Taeyong sighed, worry written all over his face. “Fine. But if you feel anything, call me.”

“I will, thank you Taeyong,” Sicheng said earnestly. “Go home and rest, please.”

Taeyong stood fidgeting looking at Sicheng until the latter sighed and went behind Taeyong to push him out the door. “Don’t worry, I’m a grown man.”

“Alright, alright,” Tayong said and headed for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With that he left shutting the front door behind him, leaving Sicheng standing in the foyer. Sicheng didn’t realize how long he stood there staring at the door with a heavy heart. He has never felt so alone in his life.

 

 


	9. Love's Folly

 

 

Taeyong shut the door behind him with a click and leaned against it in a daze. Why did he feel like Sicheng tried to get rid of him so suddenly? There was a strange look in his eyes that made Taeyong wonder. He looked...hurt. But why? His head was too muddled and he needed to clear his jig-saw puzzled thoughts. He headed for the stairwell and sat sullenly on the steps. Looking out into the night through the enormous window pane, his reflection hazily etched on it, he tried to mull over the events earlier.

Was he tricking himself into believing there's some deeper meaning in Sicheng's behavior? He was deeply attracted to Sicheng, as shocking as it was for him to admit, so he can't help it if he acts the way he does. But to imagine things that weren't there only made it worse. Sicheng took his wounded finger into his mouth. Taeyong closed his eyes at the sudden thought of it. Surely it was an innocent act, not intended to make him feel...something. Taeyong recalled the sensation and felt a hundred butterflies in his stomach. He remembered it too well. Too much that he thought about it the whole day, no matter how hard he tried to shake it off. So he busied himself even more and avoided Sicheng as much as he possibly could. It didn't help one bit. _It was my damned finger inside his mouth._ What if it were Sicheng's mouth... on his.

Taeyong groaned and nestled his head in his hands. He truly was going into the deep end. He's done being in denial. Now he's faced with the dilemma of seeing 'signs' of Sicheng feeling the same way. There's a softness in Sicheng's eyes when he looks into them. Can this be just friendship he sees or something else? He never saw his friends look at him the same way, ever. He snorted as he grabbed his hair wanting to pull at it.

Then there was that debacle of him almost kissing Sicheng. He let out another anguished groan. When Sicheng slowly lowered his eyes at his own lips he almost broke. He was so full of desire he could feel his blood rushing and heart pumping furiously. He should commend himself for the utmost degree of self-control he had and restrained himself from pouncing on his friend. But did Sicheng really look at his mouth with that heated gaze? _Why the hell would he?_ His head was about to explode. He never signed up for this when he thought of befriending Sicheng. Though at the back of his mind he already knew even if it complicated his present situation. How would Jandi react if she found out he has fallen... _in love? No! Love?!_

"Ah..my Yongie is in a quandary?"

The sultry voice he knew all too well made Taeyong jerk his head up. Slightly irritated at the disruption of his dreaded realization. "Areum, what's the elevator for?"

Taeyong's elder sister smirked, tossed her long black hair and sat down beside him as she explained, "I needed the exercise. I ate two slices of carrot cake earlier. Don't ask."

"I never ask."

"See that's your problem little brother, you always keep to yourself," Areum said wryly. "But you look like you're in a pickle. Should I ask why? I might be able to..."

"No."

Areum sighed. "I thought so. But I know you little brother, you're distressed." She stood up, grabbing Taeyong's arm and tugged gently at it.

"But you're here looking downtrodden. Come, I'll make you some tteok-bokki. Maybe that will loosen your mouth."

Taeyong didn't want to budge. "I've eaten."

"Get up you mule, let's go home. You're eating more. You could use a few more pounds."

Taeyong stood up reluctantly and obliging his persistent sister, walked beside her who linked her arm around his. He needed to recover from the last thought on his mind anyway. It was frightening.

 

***

Taeyong sat on the plush red velvet couch, elbows resting on his knees, looking at Sicheng holding his arms out as he was being measured by the tailor. Taeyong’s eyes grew darker by the minute. It’s been almost half an hour. How long did measuring take for heaven’s sake? Was it really necessary for this elder man’s endless banter and to keep feeling Sicheng’s body up that way? Sicheng must be tired by now, thought Taeyong, while he stood there in the middle of the room with that middle-aged tailor and his fussy assistant who kept batting her eyelashes at Sicheng. Taeyong snorted. His friend just got better and they’re tiring him. Why did they have to act that way like they both look enamored with Sicheng? And what’s wrong with him. Was he... _jealous?_

Taeyong made a soft expletive sound, audible enough that made the three other people in the room shoot curious looks his way. He felt his cheeks flush. He stood up and excused himself then left the room. He needed air.

The sudden bright sunlight hit him making him squint as he stood outside the shop. He pushed his hands into his jean pockets and walked down the street, ignoring the mid-day bustle. He already knew he had completely fallen for Sicheng, so why was he so touchy? Perhaps the lack of sleep the night before made him cranky. Or was it the sight of Sicheng, when he came earlier to his friend’s house to pick him up unannounced, walking out of the shower damp and half-naked with a towel wrapped low around his hips. He doubled back and went to the living room to wait instead, heart throbbing, flushed.

Taeyong was so wired up that he hardly spoke, even when Sicheng asked him if everything was alright and Taeyong only gave his friend a curt reply. He knew Sicheng was worried but how could he tell Sicheng why he acted this way? Sicheng became more subdued after Taeyong’s slightly cold demeanor. He felt his friend’s surreptitious glances but he said nothing. An unspoken agreement to converse as less as possible ensued.

This was all very new to Taeyong and he didn’t know how to handle it. It made him realize his behavior might have been offensive. He didn’t want to hurt Sicheng’s feelings but he didn’t know how to explain himself or where to start. He needed to come up with and hide behind a petty excuse.

Taeyong sighed and stopped at the street corner staring blankly at the stoplight when a hand on his shoulder made him jump. He turned to see Sicheng give him a small smile. Taeyong’s heart stopped.

“Sorry, did I startle you?” Sicheng asked apologetically.

“It’s fine,” Taeyong said curtly. “Done?”

“Yes. Taeyong are you really alright?”

“I’m okay.  I was just...thinking.”

Sicheng gave him a long questioning look. Taeyong felt uncomfortable all of a sudden under his scrutiny. _Shouldn’t you be feeling guilty right about now? It’s not his fault!_

Taeyong sighed and said, “I’m sorry, I’m really not myself. I have some...issues that can’t be...avoided.”

“Taeyong, I thought we’re friends,” Sicheng said with intensity. “Tell me what’s bothering you. I may not be wise with words, but you know I’m a good listener. It helps to talk about it. I...it feels like you’re struggling about something and I’d rather you share your thoughts with me reluctantly than looking like you’re about to snap in two. I’m just..worried.”

Taeyong couldn’t help but smile at Sicheng. He looked so adorable with his arms akimbo, brown-black hair glinting in the sunlight, skin glistening, eyes shining and lips tightened, dimpling at the corners of his mouth. Taeyong wanted to kiss him so badly. He shook his head to make the thought disappear.

“Come on, let’s get something to eat before I take you home,” said Taeyong as he put his arm over Sicheng’s shoulders. He could manage that without getting himself all flustered. “There’s a cozy cafe somewhere close that serves good sandwiches and I have to meet someone later. It’s almost 2 o’clock. We...can talk there if you want.”

“I can go home alone. I don’t mind,” Sicheng said hurriedly. All of a sudden he looked as if he’d rather be somewhere else.

“I won’t leave you....” Taeyong said and flushed at his words when Sicheng gave him another long look. “I uh...have to make sure you get home safely. Your Mama won’t like it if I left you behind. I prefer it if you came with me and we go home together. It won’t take long I promise, I just need to sign something.”

“Alright. But I want strawberry ice cream.”

Taeyong smiled and led Sicheng around the corner. A short walk and they stood in front of a quaint coffee shop. The entered and Sicheng went straight to the booth at the very end of the room by the window. Taeyong went to get their order and returned to sit opposite Sicheng but then he noticed the boy resting his head on his palms.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Feeling sick again?” Taeyong asked as he slid in the seat beside Sicheng and put his hand on Sicheng’s flushed cheeks, lifting his face to look at it. “You’re warm.”

“I’m fine, just maybe feeling a little dizzy,” Sicheng said weakly.

“I’m sorry Sicheng, we shouldn’t have walked two blocks in this heat,” Taeyong said and cupped Sicheng’s face, motioning him to rest his head on his shoulder.  “After we eat you’ll feel better.”

Taeyong felt Sicheng nod over his shoulder. He felt a surge of guilt being so selfish, thinking only about his feelings when Sicheng was not really well and he had been so insensitive. He took Sicheng’s hand in his and stroked it with the other. “I should have known better, I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for? You’ve been nothing but nice to me, you always took care of me.”

“Because we’re friends,” Taeyong said tenderly.

After a moment’s silence, Sicheng said, “can I ask you something?”

“Of course, ask me anything,” Taeyong replied. “What is it?”

“Are you angry at me?”

Taeyong was taken aback. “No, Sicheng. Of course not. I’m just really out of sorts. I’m sorry if you felt that way.”

Taeyong felt Sicheng relax and he felt relieved. Then Sicheng asked,“how do you tell someone you like...them?”

Taeyong froze at Sicheng’s question and gulped nervously.  “Like as in friendly or...”

Sicheng sighed audibly and said, “as in attracted.”

“I guess if you like someone, you just say it,” Taeyong muttered nervously. His heart racing. Who could Sicheng be referring to? _It can’t be..or could it?_

“But what if they don’t like you the same way as you do and you just mistook their intentions,” Sicheng said in a soft whisper. “What if I get...rejected?”

“What if she likes you in return? How will you know,” Taeyong’s heart was erratically beating now. He tried to calm himself.

“There are...complications,” Sicheng replied sadly. “I think there’s someone else.”

Taeyong’s reply was halted by their food arriving. Straightening up, Sicheng started to eat at Taeyong’s prompting. They ate in silence. Taeyong wanted to continue their conversation but was too nervous. Who was this person Sicheng liked? Could he have met some girl without him being aware? It can’t possibly be him but...what if Sicheng liked _him_? He couldn’t wrap his brain around the thought. He shouldn’t jump to conclusions. It’s his emotions overruling his brain.

While Sicheng dug into the ice cream with the spoon he said, “Taeyong, would it be wrong to like someone if they belong to someone else?”

Taeyong glanced at his companion. Sicheng’s eyes held Taeyong's, as if trying to read his thoughts. Taeyong couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by his feelings bubbling over. He had to break away from Sicheng’s gaze or he’d discover how he feels. Sadly, his eyes fell on Sicheng’s parted lips, the corner smeared with ice cream. His hand went up to wipe it with his thumb and it lingered there.

“Taeyong? You’re early.”

Shaken out of the trance when his name was called, Taeyong stiffened. Dropping his hand he turned to look at the voice’s owner. The young woman approached them at their table.

“Jandi,” Taeyong said curtly. “You’re early too. Weren’t we supposed to meet at...”

“I saw you with your friend, so I got curious,” the girl said. She had short blue-black hair, petite and very pretty. A dimple on her right cheek appeared when she smiled at Sicheng who was stiff and quiet. Taeyong felt his friend slowly slide away from him. Taeyong snatched Sicheng’s hand from under the table and gave it a light squeeze, earning him an odd look from Jandi.

“Have a seat. This is my friend Sicheng,” Taeyong said stiffly.

“Hi, I’m Jandi, Taeyong’s girlfriend.”

Taeyong slightly winced at Jandi’s introduction. It was totally unnecessary to brand herself that way, he thought. Taeyong frowned when he felt Sicheng abruptly pull out his hand from Taeyong’s grasp and offered it to Jandi.

“Hi, nice to meet you.”

“And you,” Jandi said in a sing-song voice. “You’re very handsome, much like _my_ Yongie.”

“Thank you,” replied Sicheng as he lowered his head shyly.

“Yongie, come sit beside me. I missed you,” Jandi said, tapping the space beside her.

“It’s fine.” Taeyong cleared his throat and felt Sicheng try to inch away from him once more and yet again he grabbed Sicheng’s hand, preventing him from doing so. Sicheng was stiff as a board but he finally stayed put.

“Where are the papers I need to sign,” asked Taeyong hastily. “That’s what you came for, right?”

Jandi gave a chuckle saying, “so touchy today, Yongie. Got up the wrong side of the bed?”

“Papers please,” Taeyong said impatiently.

“Here,” Jandi said and handed over the brown manila envelope and a pen to Taeyong. She shot him a curious look and her eyes slid over to Sicheng and back at Taeyong.

Taeyong released Sicheng’s hand and gave him a quick look. Sicheng went back to eating the melting ice cream. Taeyong sighed, took out the papers and wrote his signature over the designated lines after gleaning over the content. Paternal oaths, for Jandi’s new job apparently.

“New job?” Taeyong asked as he signed each document quickly and handed them back to Jandi.

“Cashier at the mall,” she replied while shuffling documents and envelopes into her big purse.  “Thank you, Yongie. Really.”

“How’s the kid,” Taeyong asked.

“Nayoung...is getting prettier, looks just like her father.”

Taeyong snorted and Jandi laughed. She stood up, bent over Taeyong’s side and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

“Love you!” Jandi said happily. "Bye Sicheng!"

Sicheng gave her a little nod.

Taeyong stiffened but didn’t say anything as Jandi turned to leave, bursting out of the coffee shop like a strong gust of wind. Taeyong stole a glance at Sicheng who kept jabbing at the now soupy ice cream. He was awfully quiet. Taeyong tried to hold Sicheng’s hand but the latter avoided it.

“Can we go home now? I’d like to rest,” said Sicheng with a sad note in his voice. Taeyong felt a pang in his chest. Did he dare think his friend was jealous?

Taeyong stood up and took Sicheng’s arm in his hand, pulling him out of the cubicle gently. “Come, let’s go home.”

They left the shop and walked to the bus stop in silence. Taeyong never felt so uncomfortable. He didn’t know how to react to Sicheng’s silence. He also didn’t understand why. Part of him desperately wants to believe Sicheng was jealous and that he was the one Sicheng liked, but his practical side was telling him to trash his silly thoughts. He was so torn that he barely noticed when Sicheng stopped dead on his tracks and was no longer beside him.

Taeyong turned to face Sicheng completely and said, “Sicheng come on, it’s getting cloudy again. I’m afraid it might rain.”

Sicheng didn’t budge, merely stared at Taeyong blankly. Taeyong sighed and walked over to him and started for Sicheng’s hand but he pulled away, face somber. Taeyong gave his friend a hurt and confused look. “What’s wrong?”

“I...I can’t be friends with you anymore,” Sicheng said glumly. “I may have to stay away from you from now on.”

“Wh-what? Sicheng...” Taeyong tried to hold his friend’s hand once more but Sicheng stepped away from him. “What are you talking about? We’ll always be friends. You’re my best friend.”

“I’m sorry Taeyong, but I can no longer be a friend to you,” Sicheng said, his expression somber. “You’ve been nothing but good to me but...I can’t continue like this. Thank you for everything.”

Sicheng gave Taeyong a weak smile and left, heading for the nearby alley. Taeyong’s jaw dropped at Sicheng’s words, more confused than ever, as he watched his friend walk away from him. He was rooted on the spot in confusion as he felt soft drops of rain fall upon him. His chest constricting with every step Sicheng took further away from him. He watched his friend, the one he loved, walk away through the haze of a light shower. It was the loneliest sight he has ever seen. Tears welled in his eyes, merging with rain drops on his face.

“Please don’t leave...I love you,” Taeyong whispered, but only the raindrops heard his plea.

 

 


	10. Relinquishing Restraints

 

 

  


 

 

Sicheng felt the light drizzle on his face, concealing the tears flowing freely down his cheeks. He tried to be brave, vainly. Tried to face Jandi's existence in Taeyong's life. He had known this all along, but why did seeing them together tear his heart apart, shredding it to pieces. It felt like his world has fallen apart. He realized now what he felt for Taeyong was not a simple infatuation. Not even physical attraction. Sicheng has fallen in love and the thought made him sob. He _loved_ Taeyong. In an unbelievably short span of time he found himself fall madly in love with a man who can never be his. Now he knew how heartache felt like.

Walking away from Taeyong just now left his heart in tatters. He didn't want to, but he will never forgive himself if he ruined a relationship this way. He can't lie, he wanted Taeyong to be his but it was impossible. He was kidding nobody but himself. Taeyong had Jandi and he had no place between them. He had no right to love... to Taeyong. He was a fool in believing he had something to hold on to. _Friendship? You're a fool Sicheng_.

He can survive this heart-wrenching pain, he told himself. He should be strong and endure. But the anguish of losing Taeyong was unbearable, the thought of never seeing him again as before, never feeling his touch, never seeing his smile was too much to bear. His vision suddenly swam before him. A panic attack. He felt a tightening in his chest and couldn't breathe. He doubled over and placed his hands on his knees for support after stopping his ragged movements, gasping for breath.

Sicheng suddenly felt a bony hand clamp around his wrist and drag him towards the entrance of a building's parking area. Leading him inside, away from the light shower. He didn't need to look to find out who it was for he knew how Taeyong's touch felt. He knew it all too well. His heart sank. Sicheng pulled his wrist free from Taeyong's grasp and leaned against the nearest pillar for support. He was further weakened by Taeyong's sudden presence. "Go away!"

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" Taeyong's voice seeped with anger and frustration. "You just got better."

"Please, leave me alone Taeyong," Sicheng begged, his voice shaky. "I don't want to see you again."

"I deserve an explanation Sicheng," Taeyong retorted, barely reining in his temper. "You need to tell me why."

"Must there always be an explanation," Sicheng sobbed. Thankful that his wet face concealed his tears. He dared to look at the person before him and noticed Taeyong's eyes were red as if he were crying. Sicheng blinked back his own tears that blurred his vision.

"Yes, I need one."

Sicheng studied Taeyong, slowly taking in his expression that seemed to convey misery. His lips in a tight line, eyes red and misty. He looked deeply hurt. Sicheng's heart skipped a beat. He must be imagining things. "I can't be your friend anymore. I told you."

"That's not enough."

"Why are you so persistent? I already told you! Now leave me alone!" Sicheng motioned to escape but Taeyong grabbed his shoulders and firmly pinned him against the pillar without hurting him.

"Why?" Taeyong asked desperately. "Look at me and tell me why!"

"Because!" Sicheng still avoided his gaze. He needed to get away from this man.

"WHY?!"

Sicheng finally amassed enough courage to look Taeyong squarely in the eye. "Because I... I..."

“Tell me!”

“I love you!” Sicheng sobbed, lowering his head and covering his face with his hands. He needed to hide from Taeyong, no matter how. But Taeyong took Sicheng’s hands away from his face and lifted Sicheng’s chin with his fingers, forcing him to look at Taeyong.

Taeyong’s expression was that of astonishment and bewilderment while soaking in every detail of Sicheng’s face. As if in a trance Taeyong closed the distance between them. Sicheng’s heart stopped. His breathing stopped, but managed to mumble, “Tae-taeyong...”

Taeyong gently cupped Sicheng’s face and looked into his eyes as if searching for some affirmation, delving into his soul. Then his gaze lowered to Sicheng’s lips making him shudder as Taeyong’s face drew closer ever so slowly, momentarily hesitating till their warm breaths mingled. Just like a dream Sicheng felt Taeyong’s parted lips land tentatively on his, like gentle caresses, the movements coaxing a response from Sicheng.

Sicheng was breathless, the unexpected feel of Taeyong’s lips on his own made his knees buckle. Taeyong pinned Sicheng firmly against the pillar with his own body while Taeyong’s kiss deepened. As Sicheng slowly recovered from the initial shock, he now felt the sweet sensation of Taeyong’s lips moving against his. The soft, moist and delicious taste of Taeyong filled Sicheng’s senses. His whole body seemed to respond to the warmth of Taeyong’s kiss, now more hungry, more urgent, their bodies pressing harder against each other. It made him feeble, instinctively urging Sicheng to grab onto Tayong’s shirt, clutching onto him for dear life.

After what seemed like an eternity, Taeyong lifted his head to gaze into Sicheng’s eyes, meeting his own dark pools filled with undefined emotions. His hands tenderly caressed Sicheng’s cheeks and neck. Sicheng could barely speak. Lost for words, he could only utter, “T-taeyong, wha...why... you...”

“Sicheng...” Taeyong sighed, “do you know how you’re driving me insane?”

“Wh-what do you m-mean?”

“I’m desperately in love with you, Dong Sicheng,” murmured Taeyong, resting his forehead against Sicheng’s. “I love you.”

“You...love me?” Sicheng couldn’t believe the words he just heard. _Taeyong said he... loved me?_

“Yes,” Taeyong breathed, adding with a sob, “the very reason I can’t lose you. Please, don’t leave me.”

Sicheng was speechless, his breathing laborious. Whatever was happening now seemed like a dream and he’d wake up on his bed, anytime soon. _Anytime now._

But it wasn’t, for Taeyong sought his lips once more, kissing him tenderly, lovingly. Sicheng responded with the same ardor and wrapped his arms around Taeyong’s waist, tightening his embrace as if fearing Taeyong might disappear. As if feeling and tasting him was not enough.

After a while Taeyong parted from Sicheng’s lips and buried his face in Sicheng’s neck, holding him in a warm embrace.

“Oh God, I love you so much,” Taeyong whispered against Sicheng’s neck. “I’m sorry... it must have hurt seeing Jandi’s childish behavior.”

Sicheng stiffened at the mention of the girl. This was the waking up part he was waiting for. He let go of Taeyong and tried to push him away. “I..need to go. I can’t...we can’t do this.”

Taeyong tightened his grip around Sicheng, preventing escape and lifted his face to peer into Sicheng’s tear-stained eyes, his brows furrowed saying, “why? Why do you keep pushing me away, Sicheng.”

Sicheng looked at Taeyong incredulously, chest heaving with the bubbling anger he started to feel inside. “Why? Because you have a child with Jandi, your _girlfriend_ , in case you forgot?”

Taeyong’s face became sullen, a pained look in his eyes. He caressed Sicheng’s cheek with the back of his hand. “You can’t let her get into you. She means nothing to me. Not in the way you think.”

Sicheng’s jaw dropped before he could say, “how can you be so callous? You have a daughter, you are forever connected to her. You said it was an accident but that doesn’t mean you can just...forget her. One day you might realize you want that family and...and where does that leave me? I can’t be a part of this.”

Taeyong’s expression softened and said, “are you scared I’ll leave you? Are you afraid of getting hurt? This is what it’s about, am I right?”

“Partly...yes,” murmured Sicheng. “I can’t come between you and your...”

“If you’re going to say ‘girlfriend’ I’m going to kiss you again.”

Sicheng had to smile at that, flushed at the thought.

“That’s what I want to see on my Sicheng’s lips,” Taeyong said teasingly. Then he added on a serious note, “Sicheng, this must all be confusing to you but I don’t have any feelings for Jandi. We’re not in any romantic relationship. She’s just... a good friend, nothing more. You’re the one I love. The only one. I can’t survive without you. Will you... trust me and stay with me?”

Sicheng studied Taeyong’s pleading face, eyes misty, cheeks tainted pink, lips red and swollen from their kisses. Will he be able to resist him? Should he trust Taeyong? What kind of relationship is he getting himself into if he stays? The questions kept swimming in his head, but one thing was crystal clear. He loved Taeyong and nothing else seemed to matter now that he knew Taeyong felt the same way. Love cannot survive without trust, they say. He should trust this man who owns his heart.

“Yes,” Sicheng breathed. “I’ll stay because I trust you and I love you.”

Taeyong let out a soft groan and buried his head in Sicheng’s throat, lightly kissing it before saying, “Thank you Sicheng, you don’t know how happy you made me.”

Sicheng embraced Taeyong and nuzzled his hair, his heart filled with boundless felicity. “And you made me very happy.”

Taeyong gave Sicheng a squeeze and lifted his head, seeking Sicheng’s lips once more giving him a gentle kiss.

“Come on, the drizzling stopped. I need to get you home or your fever might return. I’ll have to keep you warm again if you catch the chills once more,” Taeyong said mischievously making Sicheng look at him quizzically. But before he could ask Taeyong what he meant, Taeyong led him out of the gloomy parking garage out into the late afternoon, a smile plastered on his handsome face.

The two walked hand in hand up to the front door of the Dongs’ condo unit. As always, Sicheng struggled with the keys before they were able to enter. Once inside, Taeyong said, “go take a hot shower and I’ll make some hot chocolate to warm us up.” He went straight to the kitchen and started on his task. Sicheng had to smile at Taeyong’s domesticity. Sicheng walked up to him took his hand and lead him to the front door.

“Taeyong, go home first then come back once you’ve changed.”

Surprisingly Taeyong obliged and kissed Sicheng’s hand then said, “Fine. I’ll come back in a few minutes. I’ll make us some dinner.”

 

Later that evening, having finished their dinner and clean-up, the two were lounging on the couch with their feet up. Taeyong’s arm was around Sicheng’s waist while the latter’s head rested on Taeyong’s shoulder.

Sicheng wondered if Taeyong understood what they were watching, a movie about a boy being a werewolf. Sicheng was too preoccupied with his thoughts to pay any attention, aside from his being too aware of Taeyong’s body so close to his. His mind kept wandering back to earlier that afternoon, in the basement parking. Specifically when Taeyong kissed him. It was so wonderful and pleasant yet it awoken such feelings he has never felt before. It was a hundred-fold better than what he imagined it would be, as in his dream. His heart raced at the recall. The sensation overpowering. He knew it will be etched in his memory forever. His first kiss with his first love. Sicheng smiled and couldn’t resist a little snicker.

Taeyong must have heard him when Sicheng felt Taeyong’s hand on his chin, lifting it to look at him.

“What’s so funny?” Taeyong asked while studying his companion’s delicate face.

“Nothing, I just...” Sicheng’s reply was lost under Taeyong’s scrutiny. His eyes caressing every line on Sicheng’s face, every curve, every feature and finally his mouth. Sicheng let a sigh escape his lips as Taeyong lowered his face to meet his.

It was a gentle kiss, with Sicheng savoring every delightful sensation Taeyong’s lips created and the taste of him sent Sicheng reeling. He felt light-headed, lost in a whirl of such powerful wistfulness of Taeyong alone. Their kiss deepened, with more urgency, as if all the previously pent up emotions tried to resurface and explode in the passionate kiss it has now become. Taeyong pulled Sicheng even closer to him, his hands digging into Sicheng’s body.

Sicheng moaned against Taeyong’s mouth when he felt the other’s tongue sliding over his lower lip and delve into his warm mouth, teasing his own, tasting Taeyong’s. Sicheng was mindless now, his body pulsating with desire and longing. He pulled at Taeyong’s shirt, wanting to feel his body even closer, wanting to feel Taeyong’s skin. His hands snaked up under the shirt and caressed the smooth taut skin of Taeyong’s back. Taeyong’s lips left Sicheng’s to travel down to his jaw to the side of his neck, nibbling and tasting wherever it went. A low moan escaped Sicheng’s lips, until Taeyong returned to kiss him with ardor on the mouth.

Taeyong’s hand traversed down to Sicheng’s thigh, squeezing it as he continued with the assault on Sicheng’s mouth. They were both lost in their own world, mindless of everything else except each other. Taeyong pushed Sicheng back to lay on the couch and with him on top, their bodies intertwined. Tangled in their embrace.

The front door opened forcefully, almost with a bang against the wall as Sicheng’s parents burst into the foyer, baggage and bags dumped where they stood.

“Dear, I know you wanted to go visit that place with all those bamboos and a lake with ducks, but our Sicheng might need us here. He was sick and he needs his Mama.”

“Right, I just wanted to take you there because my colleague said it was very nice,” Mr. Dong said sullenly.

The ruckus broke the lovers apart instantly with Taeyong falling off the couch and Sicheng sitting up while frantically hand-combing his hair. They made themselves look presentable, sharing wide-eyed looks at each other while silently mouthing their ‘they’re here’,  ‘why’ and ‘I have no idea’, phrases. Both red as beets from the neck up. Both thanking the heavens for their loose pants and lengthy shirts, disguising what needed to be kept hidden from sight. As quick as a flash of lighting they were sitting with a decent distance apart from each other and pretended to watch the previously abandoned movie, stealing knowing glances and sharing secret smiles with one another.

Sicheng’s heart was racing uncontrollably, his blood pumping. He was horrified at the thought that his parents almost caught them canoodling on the brown velvet couch. He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself before the onslaught. Taeyong looked ready to hurl.

“Boys, you’re here,” said Mr. Dong while he struggled with the packages and bags which seemed to have more than doubled in number from when they left. “Help me with these will you?”

“Oh my baby Winwin, how are you? Are you feeling better? You look flushed.” Mrs. Dong cried. “Come here and kiss Mama, I missed you.”

Sicheng stood up to walk into his mother’s embrace and kissed her soundly. Taeyong went to help Sicheng’s father with the bags. It took a while before everyone settled down with Mrs. Dong handing coming-home presents to Sicheng and beautifully carved jade bracelets for each boy with their names etched in gold. Taeyong vehemently tried to refuse the luxurious gift but failed.

“This...this is too much...”

“Please, I insist. You were here for my Winwin when he was sick and I know how much you care...cared for him. That’s not even enough to return the favor.”

Sicheng watched as Taeyong thanked Mrs. Dong profusely, while internally noticing the strange note in his mother’s tone and wordings, making his brows furrow slightly. He noticed the bracelets matched. What on earth was his mother thinking? Could she have guessed? _No...no!_

 

Come bedtime, lying still on the bed with his fingers intertwined over his stomach, Sicheng was still in a daze. Too much happened in one day. He was heartbroken from jealousy, found out he loved Taeyong, let go of him and yet Taeyong came back for him because Taeyong was also in love with him, had his first kiss followed by many kisses and finally almost got caught in the act by his parents no less. Sicheng groaned into the pillow. He turned into such a wanton being, his self-control all vanishing into thin air. Is this how it was to fall in love? To surrender completely to that person, without thought for folly? All he knew was that he realized how much he loved Taeyong and nothing can ever change that.

The phone vibrating on top of the nightstand startled Sicheng . Who could this be? Reaching for the phone he smiled when he opened the text message from Taeyong.

_“Are you asleep?”_

  _“No.”_ Sicheng typed and sent the message.

_“I miss you.”_

Sicheng smiled, feeling foolishly giddy. He replied: _“I miss you too.”_

_“I can’t stop thinking about you.”_

_“Me too.”_

_“What were you thinking about?”_

_“None of your business.”_

_“Was it me kissing you?”_

Sicheng felt his cheeks burn. _“Why would I?”_

_“Wasn’t it nice? You couldn’t keep your hands off of me.”_

_“Stop.”_ Sicheng could virtually hear Taeyong laughing.

_“Want to go out day after tomorrow?”_

_“Are you asking me out on a date?”_

_“Is it wrong for your boyfriend to ask you out?”_

Sicheng blinked at the word ‘boyfriend’. Taeyong was his boyfriend now? He supposed so, since they declared each other’s feelings. Both of them loved each other so...shouldn’t that count for having a relationship?

His short reverie was disrupted by the phone ringing. Taeyong was calling him. He answered the call with: “why are you calling me?”

“You didn’t reply right away,” Taeyong said in hoarse in-bed voice. Sicheng shuddered.

“I was thinking ...”

“About what?”

“You being my boyfriend,” Sicheng replied truthfully.

“Aren’t you mine?” Taeyong asked with a petulant tone.

Sicheng laughed shyly and said, “I suppose so. Yes, I’m your boyfriend and you are mine then.”

“Then it’s settled. We’ll go somewhere day after tomorrow, because I need to...attend to something tomorrow.”

“Alright, see you then.”

“I love you,” Taeyong said huskily.

“I love you,” replied Sicheng in a breathy whisper. “Good night.”

“Night, sweet dreams about me.”

Sicheng chuckled and dropped the call. Taeyong was apparently cheesy. His _boyfriend_. With a smile on his lips, sleep claimed him.

 


	11. Dreading Loss

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Sicheng was lost in Taeyong's kiss, the delectable sensation of their lips moving against each other created pleasurable friction making him weak. He tightened his arms around Taeyong's waist for support. It was a lengthy kiss but Sicheng felt it was not enough when their lips parted._

_"I love you, Sicheng," Taeyong whispered into his ear. "Please don't ever leave me. I'll die if you do."_

_"I will never leave you," Sicheng solemnly promised. "Even when you turn your back on me, my heart will still be yours."_

_Taeyong kissed Sicheng on the nose and they smiled at each other. They continued to walk hand in hand along the wooded trail while the sun bathed them with a gentle warmth. Sicheng could hear the birds singing and in the distance a bone-chilling wail echoed through the forest. The couple stopped on their tracks and looked at one another worriedly. Sicheng felt shivers run down his spine as they heard it once more._

_"Wait here, I'll go look if someone was hurt," said Taeyong and let go of Sicheng's hand._

_"No! Don't go!"_

_"Don't worry, I'll be fine," Taeyong said and caressed Sicheng's cheek before heading towards the direction from whence it came from."Stay here where it's safe."_

_"Please be careful," Sicheng called out and had to be satisfied with Taeyong's smile and wink._

_Sicheng wore a frown as he watched Taeyong walk towards the sound, lips pursed with worry in his heart. Why did he have to be a hero all of a sudden? I don't need heroes, he thought as he sat on a large protruding root of the enormous oak. He sighed and closed his eyes as he leaned against its trunk._

_When Sicheng opened his eyes it was nightfall. He frowned blinking and looked around frantically. He was certain he didn't fall asleep, merely closed his eyes momentarily. He stood up, patting the dirt off the seat of his jeans and wondered where on earth Taeyong was. He suddenly felt his heart sinking. Worry overtook him. He started to walk towards the way Taeyong went to look for him, oblivious of the darkness looming over the path, lit only by soft moonbeams through the tree branches arching over the trail._

_One moment he was on solid ground and the next he was sliding and slipping into a hole, crying out in fear as he flailed and tried to grasp at roots or rocks to no avail. Sicheng landed on his stomach with a thud over crusty earth, dirt and gashes all over his exposed extremities. Picking himself up, groaning in pain as he did while vainly trying to dust himself off, he figured out how to get out of the dank cavern. There seemed to be a faint light far ahead so he went that way, cursing at himself for being so careless._

_Sicheng felt the chill as he walked through the dark cavern, it's walls lined with rocks and tree roots jutting out here and there. His body ached all over but he was determined to walk straight toward the light. All he needed to do was get out of the eerie darkness and find his beloved Taeyong. A knot started to build in the pit of his stomach filling him with a sense of foreboding. What if Taeyong got hurt? No, he shouldn't think about that. Finding Taeyong was his goal and shouldn't cloud his brain with worry. He must be clear headed._

_As Sicheng neared the muted illumination the air seemed to lose it's musty scent and was more redolent of the forest greens. He saw an opening leading out to the moonlit path ahead. His hopes went up. Clutching at his sides while lugging his way through the winding path with his aching body, Sicheng was determined to find Taeyong. He felt something was awfully wrong._

_After about half a mile's worth of walking, Sicheng could spot a clearing from a distance. He noticed two figures facing each other and recognized them instantly. He quickened his pace, ignoring the objections of his aches and pains. When he finally reached them he froze in fear when he saw Jandi pointing a gun at Taeyong._

_"You ditched me for that Sicheng?! Why? Am I not enough?" Jandi screeched in anger. "How can I compete with that...that..."_

_"Enough,"said Taeyong, surprisingly calm while facing the dangerous end of a weapon. "I took care of you the way you begged me to. Haven't I sacrificed enough for you? Why can't I find my own happiness?"_

_"No!" Jandi was hysterical now, hands shaking as she said, "If I can't have you, no one should!"_

_Sicheng watched frozen in horror as Jandi squeezed the trigger, the loud ominous sound of a gun going off deafening him. Sicheng wailed, "Noooo..."_

_Taeyong looked down as he clutched at his abdomen, blood oozing out through his fingers as he dropped to his knees. Sicheng stumbled towards Taeyong crying as he reached for his beloved and cradling him in his arms as they both sat on the ground with Taeyong's head resting against Sicheng's chest. Sicheng held Taeyong tightly, his sobs uncontrollable. Sicheng lifted his head to look at Jandi who dropped the gun on the ground, looking more dazed than resentful._

_"Why?" Sicheng cried out woefully. "Why would you hurt Taeyong?"_

_"Oh God... I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...hurt him..." Jandi cried in between sobs and turned to run away screaming into the woods, seemingly losing her mind._

_Sicheng looked upon Taeyong's pale face and sobbed even more when their eyes met and Taeyong caressed Sicheng's cheek. "I'm sorry."_

_Sicheng held Taeyong closer to him tears streaming down his eyes, caressing Taeyong's temple. "No! This... can't be happening."_

_"I love you, Sicheng," Taeyong whispered against Sicheng's chest._

_"I love you, more than anything in this world," Sicheng wailed. "I can't lose you, Taeyong, please don't... don't leave me."_

_"Thank you... for loving me."_

_"No, don't say that! You'll be alright... you'll be alright..." Sicheng whispered, kissing Taeyong's forehead as he rocked the still form in his arms. Sicheng looked at Taeyong and his eyes were closed, seemingly asleep._

_"Taeyong?" Sicheng whispered. "No... Oh please God no..."_

_Sicheng held Taeyong even tighter and let out a mournful cry that reverberated through the night._

"Sicheng?"

Sicheng could hear a familiar voice tearing through his own wailing. He felt like his chest was torn in half, grief ripping up his heart. _Taeyong..._

"Sicheng!"

Sicheng felt himself being shaken. His senses desperately trying to break through the fog of sleep. Something or someone was digging into his arms and shaking him repeatedly. He could only cry in lament. _Taeyong..._

"Dong Sicheng!"

Sicheng's eyes fluttered, meaning to focus through the blur of unshed tears. Confused, he sat up and settled his gaze on the first thing he saw. His mother's face looking worried as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"Ma-mama," Sicheng mumbled while he cried like a baby. "He...Tae-taeyong..."

Sicheng felt his mother's arms around him and cooed soothing words as he buried his face on her shoulder. "It's alright son, you were dreaming."

"Taeyong..." Sicheng softly whispered between sobs. "He...he..."

"Sshhh... it never happened, just your dreams, son," Mrs. Dong said and kissed Sicheng's head. "It's over, just a bad dream."

"I... can't... l-lose...hi-m," Sicheng wailed, shoulders shaking.

"I know, son. You won't."

Mrs. Dong's words slowly broke through Sicheng's clouded and confused mind. He lifted his head and spared a glance at his mother. "What...do you mean, Mama? You know...what?"

"We can talk about it later when you're feeling better."

"No, I... it's fine," Sicheng said, taking deeper breaths to calm himself, his heart hammering in his chest. "Wh-what did you mean when you said you know, Mama?"

Mrs. Dong sighed, taking Sicheng's head in her hands and looked her son in the eye, said, "you love him, don't you?"

Sicheng blinked blankly at his mother, he swallowed nervously. "You know... you know how I feel?"

Mrs. Dong smiled, eyes crinkling as she did. "You can't hide anything from your mother, Sicheng."

"How...how did you know?"

"I had an idea ever since you took on the habit of wearing down our carpet."

"Oh," Sicheng fell silent, breaking eye-contact with his mother.

Then Mrs. Dong continued, "Then my suspicions were confirmed when I saw you and Taeyong dripping on my foyer and when Taeyong took care of you. I was just... a little... surprised that it was Taeyong."

Sicheng let his head fall, burying it in his palms and felt like sobbing once more. "I'm sorry Mama, I didn't...mean for it to happen. I couldn't help it."

"Oh my dear beautiful boy," Mrs. Dong removed Sicheng's hands from his face and lifted his chin with her palm to look at him. "Listen to me, don't you ever feel sorry for how you feel. We can never control how love dictates us to choose. It's the irony of life. Love doesn't recognize status or age or gender. Love just knows whomever and whenever. Understand me?"

Sicheng nodded and thought he loved his mother now more than ever. "Thank you for understanding me and... accepting me Mama."

Mrs. Dong clucked her tongue. "How dare you say that! You're my son, how can I not love my son for who he is? You are a blessing to me is what you are."

Sicheng sobbed and buried his face on his mother's shoulder and hugging her tightly. Mrs. Dong shushed him and rubbed his back. "Stop this nonsense, your eyes are already swollen from crying."

"But... but Papa..."

"Hmm... we best leave your father out of this for now. He has too much on his mind of late. Leave him to me."

Sicheng nodded over Mrs. Dong's shoulder and said, "Thank you Mama. I love you more than ever."

"Oh my boy, I love you even more. Since I gave birth to you and held you in my arms for the first time."

Sicheng started crying once more.

"Ayuu, stop! You'll need ten cucumbers to bring the swelling of your eyes down if you don't. Would you like Taeyong to see you like this, looking like a goldfish?"

Sicheng stifled a laugh and broke from his mother's embrace to look upon her face. "I love you, Mama."

"I love you too, son. Now go back to sleep, it's barely 2 A.M.," Mrs. Dong said as she pushed Sicheng back under the covers and kissed the top of his head. "Forget the bad dream and rest."

"I'll try."

"Good," Mrs. Dong said. "I'll see you when you wake up."

Much to Sicheng's surprise, he did fall asleep not long after his mother left the room. But one thing was on his mind before he did. He promised himself he'll show Taeyong how much he loved him.

***

Sicheng spent the whole morning with his mother in the kitchen, preparing for dinner with his father's co-worker and his family who are coming over later in the evening. The Kim family helped them settle in so Mr. Dong invited them for a meal two weeks before, boasting about his wife's cooking, much to Mrs. Dong's slight annoyance. So, Sicheng and his mother kneaded dough for fresh noodles for chow mein and prepared for Mr. Dong's favorite dishes kung pao chicken and shallot fish, a specialty in Wenzhou. They made egg custard tarts for dessert. But no matter what Sicheng did, he couldn't help thinking about Taeyong.

After slaving away in the kitchen Sicheng and his mother, whose eyes were closed, savored the cool afternoon breeze as they sat outside at the balcony with their feet up the railing and sipping iced teas. Sicheng kept glancing at his phone. He missed Taeyong terribly and he desperately wanted to send him a text message to ask where he was. But the better part of him knew it might seem like he was clingy and nagging. After that horrible dream he wanted to see Taeyong and hold him. Sicheng sighed and closed his eyes. He could still feel the anguish of losing Taeyong and he knew it would be his greatest fear. He dreaded the thought of losing Taeyong for it would certainly be the death of him.

He jumped at the sudden vibration of the phone in his hands. A text message from Taeyong.

_"I miss you."_ It read.

Sicheng smiled, typed and sent: _"Me too."_

_"Are you home?"_

_"Yes. Are you still out?"_

It took a moment before another message came in. It simply said: _"Come out."_

Sicheng's heart jumped. Was Taeyong outside their door? He almost tumbled over getting out of the chair and lifting his feet off the balcony railing to rush outside, earning him a strange but knowing look from his mother.

When Sicheng opened the front door, his heart fluttered at the sight of Taeyong by the threshold, carrying several books under his arm. He dropped them when Sicheng flung himself onto and threw his arms around the startled Taeyong. Sicheng burrowed this face into Taeyong's neck and whispered shakily. "You're here, you're not...gone."

Taeyong wasn't given the chance to ask what Sicheng meant for the latter sought his lips hungrily. Sicheng kissed Taeyong with fervor, the ache of losing his beloved still fresh in his mind though it was only a dream. Sicheng felt Taeyong hold him even closer, their hearts beating against each other.

When they parted, Sicheng saw Taeyong's look of surprise after seeing Sicheng's damp cheeks. Taeyong wiped the tears with his thumbs while studying Sicheng's forlorn face.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Taeyong asked with a note of worry. Then with a smile he added, "did you really miss me that much?"

Sicheng could only nod, avoiding Taeyong's questioning eyes.

"I missed you too, that's why I came. I couldn't wait till tomorrow to see you. I promised to teach you Hangul anyway, remember? So I'll give you some lessons," Taeyong said, while he pinched Sicheng's nose.

"You will?"

Taeyong nodded in agreement and released Sicheng to pick up the books. "Yes, so let's go inside. I'll teach you what I can."

The couple lazed in the living room sitting on the rug with their backs against the couch while Sicheng balanced the open book on his knees. Taeyong diligently instructed Sicheng, their heads bent together over the book while Sicheng, the dutiful student, stole glances at his tutor's handsome face. The boys seemed oblivious and failed to notice Mrs. Dong who kept glancing at the two from the balcony with a small smile on her lips. Mrs. Dong Xia stood up and entered the house. She then declared, while heading towards the master bedroom, "boys, if you're hungry just take anything from the kitchen. I'm going to take a nap."

The boys agreed in unison.

A while later, Taeyong said looking into Sicheng's eyes, "these are my favorite words now: 'I love you'."

Sicheng repeated the phrase and with their eyes locking the two seemed to be drawn closer like a magnet, faces inching towards the other. Taeyong held Sicheng's cheek, eyes now fixed on the latter's mouth. Their kiss was gentle, slow and sensual. Sicheng felt the moist and soft lips of Taeyong caress his own. He kissed Taeyong back with more urgency with the thought of losing Taeyong in the back of his mind, making him hold on to Taeyong desperately.

Reluctantly they separate, eyes glazed and smiling at each other. Then Sicheng's cheeks bloomed at the sudden thought. "What if Mama came out of her room and saw us?"

Taeyong's face was suddenly pale. "I...sorry, I just can't help it. I'll stop now."

Sicheng looked at Taeyong with a little pout on his lips. "You won't kiss me anymore?"

Taeyong's eyes darkened with desire making Sicheng's heart do little somersaults. With sudden movements, Taeyong gathered the books while he stood up as Sicheng watched, brows furrowed. "Wait, are you leaving?"

Taeyong tucked the books under his arm and clamped his long delicate fingers around Sicheng's wrist, pulling the latter up to stand. "Come with me."

"Wh-where are we going?" Sicheng asked as Taeyong dragged him out of the condo, pulling the door shut behind them.

"My place is empty." Taeyong led them down the hall to the last door and pulled the keys out of his pocket to let themselves in.

Sicheng felt his heart pump like a jackhammer when they entered Taeyong's home, lightly taking in the Asian-Western fusion deco and furnishings in deep earth tones. It was warm and inviting. But those were the least in Sicheng's mind as he was led towards the room at the end of the short hall.

"Taeyong? What..."

Taeyong said nothing, merely kept going till they reached what seemed to be Taeyong's room, locking the door behind them. He placed the books on top of the night stand and held Sicheng's shoulders pulling him closer till their bodies collided. Their lips met with Taeyong entrapping Sicheng's lower lip between his, making Sicheng's knees shake. The sensation of Taeyong sucking and sliding his tongue on Sicheng's lip made him moan audibly. He held onto Taeyong, grasping at his shirt. Taeyong held Sicheng's head, caressing the thick soft hair while his other hand dug into Sicheng's waist.

Sicheng needed to feel Taeyong's skin, needed to touch and caress it. He snaked up both hands underneath Taeyong's loose tee and ran his hands along Taeyong's body, feeling the smooth skin. Sicheng felt Taeyong's breathing become ragged and sighed as the latter parted from his lips to nibble at his neck, lightly biting at the soft skin.

Taeyong led Sicheng onto the bed, pushing him to lay on his back. Sicheng then pulled Taeyong on top of him and wrapped his arms around Taeyong's neck. They kissed passionately, tongues lashing against each other. Their breathing irregular and entangled on the bed, Sicheng felt Taeyong's erection against his stomach as Taeyong nibbled on his ear. Sicheng knew Taeyong could also feel his own hard manhood pressing against the his thigh.

Unable to control his wanton urges, Sicheng lifted Taeyong's shirt and clawed at the latter's sides making Taeyong arch his body and seeking Sicheng's lips once more. Sicheng's heart beat even faster as he felt Taeyong grinding his manhood against his, making him moan. Taeyong's hand pushed Sicheng's shirt up and let his hand travel over Sicheng's skin. When his palm grazed over Sicheng's nipple he groaned against Taeyong's wet kiss. Taeyong lifted his head to look into Sicheng's eyes. Both of them reflecting each other's longing, their passion unbridled. As if coming to an understanding, Taeyong took off Sicheng's shirt and bent his head to kiss Sicheng's collarbone, slowly traveling down to his nipple. Sicheng cried out in pleasure at Taeyong's tongue flicking over the hardened nipple, Sicheng's fingers dug deeper into Taeyong's shoulders.

"Tae...Taeyong..."

"God, Sicheng you're so beautiful," Taeyong groaned against Sicheng's skin. He then looked at Sicheng's glowing face, their eyes locking. Taeyong let his hand travel slowly from Sicheng's shoulder to his chest and to the abdomen. Sicheng swallowed nervously when he felt Taeyong's hand hover over his track pant's waistband. Without breaking their eye-contact, Taeyong let his hand rest over Sicheng's erection, feeling it through the cotton barrier. Sicheng stiffened, his heart wanting to burst out of his chest, lips parting to let out a sigh. Taeyong was watching him intently with eyes dark and misty. With some hesitation, Sicheng felt Taeyong's hand linger then slide under his pants to feel his manhood. The shock of feeling Taeyong's hand enclose around him made Sicheng shudder.

"Taeyong..." Sicheng cried as if begging for more, holding onto Taeyong's neck.

Taeyong pulled Sicheng so both of them lay on their sides, with Sicheng resting his head on Taeyong's arm. He shoved aside Sicheng's pants and boxers, exposing his throbbing erection. Sicheng's breath was laborious now. His eyes glinting with pleasure as Taeyong slowly fondled him, still gazing into Sicheng's eyes.

Sicheng groaned as Taeyong's hand stroked him steadily. He held onto Taeyong's nape, reaching to kiss him passionately. Their lips caressing and teasing. Sicheng felt his own tongue delve into Taeyong's moist cavern and moaned as Taeyong sucked on it. Sicheng felt himself nearing his peak, shuddering as Taeyong stroked him with a faster pace. In the throes of passion, Sicheng let his hand travel down Taeyong's own hardened shaft. Taeyong whimpered when Sicheng squeezed it through Taeyong's denims.

"Taeyong...I'm..close..."

Taeyong momentarily ceased his motions on Sicheng to grab a towel from the nightstand drawer and to Sicheng's amusement, lubrication. They smiled at one another, sharing knowing looks. Taeyong slathered his hand with the lubrication and enclosed his hand on Sicheng's throbbing shaft. The sleek sensation made Sicheng gasp and heightened his pleasure while he felt Taeyong's stroking motion come faster. Taeyong kissed Sicheng's neck, licking and nibbling on it. Sicheng was delirious with pleasure and felt himself stiffen, holding onto Taeyong as he cried out and orgasmed. Taeyong's fondling slowed as Sicheng felt his spasms, moaning against Taeyong's ear. Taeyong sought Sicheng's lips and kissed him tenderly.

Sicheng lay back to catch his breath when they parted, weakly staring into Taeyong's eyes and caressing his face. Taeyong cleaned off Sicheng's seed from the latter's abdomen and his own hand, then pulled Sicheng's pants up, smiling as he did.

Sicheng noted his amusement and asked, "what's the smile for?"

"I just feel so happy giving you pleasure."

Sicheng felt his heartstrings being tugged. Taeyong was the sweetest man he has ever met. Sicheng pulled him into a tight embrace and threw his leg over Taeyongs while he kissed him deeply, hands traveling  underneath Taeyong's shirt touching his skin. Taeyong let his lips travel to Sicheng's neck, his tongue tasting the warm flesh once more.

Sicheng pulled at Taeyong's shirt, ridding him of it and pushed him to lay on his back, planting kisses on Taeyong's smooth body. Tentatively Sicheng took Taeyong's nipple in his mouth while letting his tongue toy with it. Taeyong groaned, digging his fingers into Sicheng's arm. Sicheng started to unbutton Taeyong's fly and unzipped his jeans, pulling it down along with the boxers. Sicheng smiled seeing Taeyong swallow nervously. Mimicking Taeyong, Sicheng lubricated his palm and let his hand enclose on Taeyong's shaft and fondled him. Taeyong gasped at Sicheng's touch. They kissed hotly, wetly on the mouth.

Taeyong moaned against Sicheng's lips as the latter stroked and caressed him. Sicheng let his mouth travel to Taeyong's neck and nibbled on the soft skin. His hand continuously stroking and caressing Taeyong's hard member. Taeyong was groaning now, especially when Sicheng's mouth found Taeyong's nipples. Sicheng bit lightly and flicking his tongue. Taeyong writhed under his mouth.

"Sicheng, oh God..."

Sicheng's pumping came faster as Taeyong squirmed in pleasure. He was close to orgasm and Sicheng continued to stroke him at a constant pace while he diligently suckled on Taeyong's nipple.

"S-sicheng..."

Taeyong came, jerking in spasms and groaning throatily. Sicheng kissed him on the mouth passionately with Taeyong holding onto Sicheng tightly while he was caught at the height of ecstasy. Finally when their lips parted, Sicheng took the towel and wiped off the traces of Taeyong's secretions. Sicheng pulled up Taeyong's tight black denims up, with Taeyong wriggling into it, and zipped him up.

Taeyong sighed as he lay flat on his back pulling Sicheng in his arms. "I love you," Taeyong whispered in Sicheng's ear.

"I love you even more," Sicheng whispered back and kissed Taeyong on the lips before laying his head on Taeyong's shoulder. "I can't lose you."

Taeyong squeezed Sicheng and murmured, " you won't lose me, I promise you."

Satiated and spent, the entwined couple fell into a dreamless slumber.

 


	12. Complacency

 

 

 

Sicheng stirred from his sleep to feel feathery kisses upon his nose, cheeks, chin, forehead and finally his mouth. He was encased in Taeyong's arms and the latter's leg thrown over his. He smiled and opened his eyes to find Taeyong staring at him, eyes gliding over each delicate feature on Sicheng's face. Sicheng blushed at the scrutiny and hid his face in Taeyong's chest, suddenly overcome with shyness as he remembered what had occurred between them.

Taeyong smiled as he said softly, "you're blushing. It's adorable, but why are you hiding your pretty face?"

"Because!"

"Don't tell me you're shy," Taeyong said teasing Sicheng, his fingers lightly tracing the latter's jawline. "Not after..."

"Stop!" Sicheng cried out, red as a full bloomed rose from the neck up.

Taeyong snickered and kissed Sicheng's pert nose. "I love you, Sicheng. Thank you for coming into my life. You're my whole world now."

Sicheng felt his heart swell with the overwhelming love he felt from Taeyong. "I love you more than you do, you know."

"Hmm we'll see about that," Taeyong murmured before kissing Sicheng tenderly on the mouth. The sweet sensation lingering on Sicheng's lips even after they parted.

"I'm...I'm scared of losing you," Sicheng admitted, his voice shaky. "I had a bad dream..."

"Listen, I'm not going anywhere and I won't allow anything to come between us or break us apart. So don't fret."

Sicheng looked at the man he loved thoughtfully, unwilling to share the real fear he felt from the dream he had. But he knew it was silly being affected by such. It was just a manifestation of him his fears, of Taeyong disappearing from his life. If it were to happen though, he shuddered at the thought and buried his face in Taeyong's neck.

"I know, I'll trust your words."

"That's better," Taeyong said before kissing Sicheng's forehead. "Come on, we better go back or your mother might wonder where we are. I'm going to take a quick shower, want to join me?"

Sicheng whipped up his head to look at Taeyong with wide eyes and mouth hanging open. "Huh?"

Much to Sicheng's relief Taeyong just laughed and pulled away from him. It will take some time for him to get used to whatever was happening right now. His relationship with Taeyong evolved way too fast. A rush of events and emotions occurring as if falling like a cascade and he was drowning in it. In a most pleasing manner of course. His thoughts wandered to what occurred earlier and he felt a knot in his abdomen. It was such a novelty for him to feel intense pleasure with another, sharing something so intimate. Sicheng watched Taeyong strip down, his eyes hungrily feasting on the lithe body. Taeyong caught his eye and smiled devilishly, embarrassing Sicheng who buried his face into the pillow with a groan. Taeyong's laughter ringing in Sicheng's ears as he entered the bathroom.

When the couple returned to Sicheng's home Mrs. Dong was in the kitchen busy preparing for the dinner party. She pursed her lips when she saw the boys coming in.

"Good. You're back. I was wondering whether to call when you two disappeared."

"I apologize, ma'am," Taeyong quickly replied after clearing his throat. "I brought Sicheng to our home to... look at my private collection."

Sicheng felt his face grow hot especially with Taeyong's choice of words. Mrs. Dong gave the two a shrewd look and seemed to want to say something more but dismissed it. "No matter, since you're here Sicheng let's finish this up before those people come over."

"I'm just going to take a quick shower and change Mama," Sicheng remarked over his shoulder as he walked to his room after stealing a glance at Taeyong who tried to hide his smile by scratching his nose.

"Quickly then," Mrs. Dong prompted and her eyes fell on Taeyong who now seemed unsure whether he was intruding. "Taeyong, have dinner with us? There's plenty of food for everyone."

"I...sure, ma'am."

"Alright then. Come help me with this, please."

The kitchen bustled with Mrs. Dong instructing the boys for last minute readying. By the time the visitors arrived the dining table has been set and Taeyong was placing the last steaming dish in the center.

The Kims milled into the living room after Mr. Dong and introductions were made. Mr. and Mrs. Kim were warm and friendly, thought Sicheng but their daughter was a piece of work. Sicheng frowned at the young girl with pink ribbons tying her pigtails, wearing a pink frilled top, dark fuchsia skinny jeans, pink sandals with tiny fuchsia bows and lastly wore outrageous pink lipstick. She would have been pretty, mused Sicheng but too much make-up ruined it. She was petite, barely reaching Sicheng's shoulder but her voice was screeching and booming out like she swallowed a megaphone. Sicheng suppressed his irritation which began the moment he set eyes on her. His eyelids fluttered upon seeing Taeyong watching him intently, eyes glittering and dark. Sicheng frowned and mouthed 'what?' but Taeyong merely turned his back.

Moments later they were all seated around the dining table sampling Mrs. Dong's 'sumptuous cooking' as the Kims described it, praising her for a wonderful feast. Taeyong and Sicheng sat beside one another and the Kims on the opposite side. Sicheng's parents were at each end of the table.

As the adults conversed the younger ones kept their silence and paid attention to their own plates. Sicheng couldn't help glancing at Taeyong though and so did the latter. Sometimes they would catch each others eyes and couldn't help themselves smiling at one another. Sicheng found it so adorable and endearing that Taeyong was so quiet and reserved but when he looked into Sicheng's eyes he could see through Taeyong's thoughts. Naughty ones. _In front of his parents._ Sicheng found this so amusing. At one point Sicheng couldn't help himself as he snuck his hand under the table to rest it upon Taeyong's thigh, dangerously close to his crotch and gave it a light squeeze. Taeyong choked on a morsel, coughing and covering his mouth with his fist. Sicheng hid his smile by pretending to reach for more noodles, both unaware of Mrs. Dong's wary observations with her lips thinning.

"Ooohh you two have matching friendship bracelets? That is so cute!"

Three heads whipped up to glance at the young girl whose voice reverberated throughout the room, but ignored by the two male adults who were immersed in discussing the details of their work.

"The eternity links in those bracelets, isn't that what it meant?" Kim Lia reiterated, smiling innocently with batting eyelashes and expectantly looking at the boys for a response.

The two boys looked at one another, faces as placid as it would go but their eyes held something else. Mrs. Dong's cheeks on the other hand turned into the shade of bright pink as a spring rose.

"I bought those for the boys because... uh they're bo-best friends you see..." Mrs. Dong faltered and reached for the chicken dish to hand it to the girl in pink. "Have you tried the chicken Lia?"

"Oh by the way since tomorrow is a holiday making it a long weekend, I'd like to invite you and your family, Min. We have a house in Paju with a pool. I thought maybe we all can go and unwind some. We can do a poolside barbecue."

"Wonderful! What do you think Xia?" Mr. Dong Min looked to his wife for final approval, smiling expectantly. "It's a good opportunity for Sicheng and Lia to get to know each other better."

Before Mrs. Dong could respond, Sicheng who looked almost panic-stricken stated, "but Taeyong and I had something planned tomorrow..."

Taeyong glanced over and held Sicheng's hand under the table, giving it a light squeeze while saying, "it's fine, Sicheng. You should go with your family. Our... we can do our schedule another time. It can wait."

"Oh, good. Thank you Taeyong my boy. Xia?" Mr. Dong was still waiting for a response from Mrs. Dong who kept looking back and forth at her son who looked like he was about to cry and Taeyong.

"I'm ok with it dear, that would be nice," she said absently as her gaze settled on Taeyong who had his head down, trying to pierce a pea with his chopstick. Mrs. Dong thoughtful for a moment added, "but won't it be nice dear, if Taeyong came along too? I mean if it's alright with Mr. and Mrs. Kim? Uh... these boys are inseparable you see..besides, Taeyong is a great cook. He can help..." Mrs. Dong slightly flushed at her words when her husband gave her a curious look.

"I see," said Mr. Dong blinking. "Would that be fine, Jungli?"

"But of course! The more the merrier. Besides, it's good to have these kids bond a little. Lia likes to make new friends. Right, hon?" Mr. Kim Jungli said, looking at his wife Ahlee who nodded in agreement, smiling at everyone while Lia kept glancing at Sicheng with sparkling eyes.

"So we'll all go tomorrow then," Mr. Kim declared jovially.

Sicheng glanced at his mother, his expression held boundless gratitude with misty eyes. Mrs. Dong's expression softened, smiling at her son. Taeyong kept his head down after muttering a shy 'thank you' addressed to nobody in particular but the small smile he hid didn't escape Mrs. Dong's observation.

***

For Sicheng, traveling to Paju in the large van owned by the Kims was disconcerting to say the least. It would have been perfect, riding at the very back of the van with Taeyong beside him. The adults were preoccupied with Mr. Kim driving while chatting with Mr. Dong sitting up front with him. The two wives seated together who were indulging in exchanges of cooking tips and secrets were oblivious of the teenagers behind them. The perfect setting to be able to hold Taeyong's hand without prying eyes. A little privacy for them to savor. But it wasn't meant to be.

Sicheng slipped his hand in Taeyong's smiling into each other's eyes as their fingers intertwined, glad that despite their date being cancelled, they were together. Almost as soon as they did, Lia in an all purple outfit this time who was sitting in front of the two boys glanced their way so suddenly, a smile plastered on her face. Sicheng had to pull his hand away and they both stiffened.

Then she started conversing with them, asking if they liked listening to music, what hobbies they had, what books they read and on and on it went. By this time Lia was already permanently facing them, her chin resting on the seat's backrest. Sicheng wanted to scream in frustration. He couldn't blame her though. She had nobody else to talk to. But what irritated Sicheng the most was her incessant babble and endless queries about himself. Was she interested in him? Sicheng cringed at the thought. Sicheng stole a glance at his boyfriend and saw him looking unamused, merely tolerating the whole situation.

It was mid afternoon when the van finally pulled up the driveway and they got off the vehicle. The house was relatively huge surrounded by a lovely cultured garden with a sunken pool in the center and a jacuzzi on one end. The tall trees provided some shade and helped to cool the breeze. The pool was inviting, catching the afternoon sunlight glistening over its surface like a shiny aqua-green mirror. There was a backyard where a barbecue grill mounted on an island was shaded by a cabin-like shack which opened up to overlook the garden. A long table matched with long benches on each side sat in the middle of the space for people to work or dine on. The house itself was cozy with the living room as the center which also served as the entertainment area highlighted by an enormous television and audio system surrounding the it. Simple but cozy seemed to be the motif and Sicheng thought it to be a pleasing and restful place.

Sicheng and Taeyong helped in unloading the bags and foodstuff they brought along. The wives went straight inside the house with instructions on where to put the bags and food before starting to cook for dinner.

Once everyone was inside, the rooms were assigned by Mr. Kim. "You boys can stay in this guest room and Lia, you know your own room. Min and Xia will be comfortable in the bigger guest room."

"But I want to stay with Sichengiee..." Lia complained with pouting lips.

"LIA!" Mrs. Kim Ahlee exclaimed in horror. "Please behave like the young lady you are supposed to be."

"Uh, I don't think she meant it that way, hon," pacified Mr. Kim. "Alright, let's all enjoy the rest of the afternoon before dinner. You two boys, do you mind doing the barbecue later?"

"No, sir."

"We'll do it Mr. Kim, I'll make the sauce and ready the meat right away," Taeyong said. "Sicheng and I will just bring our stuff inside the room, Sir," Taeyong said respectfully bowing to the adults while tugging Sicheng's arm and carrying their overnight bags with the other as they entered the small room. Mrs. Dong blinked while her eyes followed them with a guarded stare.

Inside, after locking the bedroom door behind him, Taeyong dropped the bags before cupping Sicheng's face and kissing him hungrily on the mouth. Sicheng felt his knees wobble as he responded eagerly to Taeyong's sweet assault on his lips. He wrapped his arms around Taeyong's waist and pressed his body closer, feeling his heart drumming against his chest. Taeyong's moist lips left Sicheng's own to trail soft kisses down his neck. A small sigh escaped Sicheng's lips.

"You're with me but I missed you so much," Taeyong whispered into Sicheng's ear as he ran his hands through the latter's soft hair.

"I know, I felt the same way," Sicheng said and kissed Taeyong's neck, tasting the musky sweetness of his skin.

Taeyong shifted to look at Sicheng with a devilish smile on his lips. "We're sleeping together so...shouldn't that make up for it?"

Sicheng's heart raced and his cheeks bloomed a rosy taint while he murmured shyly, "I...guess it should."

Taeyong sniggered and said teasingly, "my boyfriend is so cute, pretending to be shy after grabbing me under the table."

Sicheng gave Taeyong's waist a sucker punch and buried his face in the latter's neck. Taeyong laughed softly while he lifted Sicheng's chin and was about to kiss him when the act was preempted by loud banging on the door.

"Hey you two! Don't sleep now, _we_ have to do the barbecue."

"Your admirer with a fashion statement," Taeyong said cynically, earning him another sucker punch from Sicheng before untangling himself from Taeyong's embrace to open the door. Sicheng prevented himself from covering his eyes as they fell on Lia's new outfit of a bright red tee that clung onto her petite body and a skimpy fuchsia shorts. The ribbons on her hair were of the same color. "Let's go!"

Sicheng endured Lia's presence with building anxiety. She was constantly by his side wherever they went or whatever they did. Sometimes even clinging onto Sicheng's arm while she pressed her tiny body against it. Sicheng suppressed his shudders. No matter how hard Sicheng tried to evade Lia's grasps, she clung onto him like a leech. Taeyong's tight-lipped gaunt expression never escaped Sicheng's notice. In the back of Sicheng's mind he knew this was beginning to irritate Taeyong. Jealousy is a viper and Sicheng didn't want this to be a cause for tension between them. But Lia was persistent much to Sicheng's dismay.

By the time they finished dinner and cleared everything up, Sicheng could tell Taeyong was wound up tightly like a spring coil. He knew he had to do something or else this might be the reason for an argument between them. He felt helpless but not hopeless. After excusing himself, Taeyong went inside the room while everyone was seated in the living room while watching an old James Bond movie.

Sicheng also made an excuse and followed Taeyong into the room, locking the door behind them. Taeyong had his back towards him while he rummaged through the bag he brought with him. Sicheng went straight towards him, hugging Taeyong tightly from behind and nuzzling Taeyong's rich dark hair.

"Taeyong, I'm sorry. I hope you're not upset," Sicheng whispered. "I love you, you know that right?"

Taeyong tore Sicheng's arms from his stomach so he could turn around to face Sicheng, holding his head with both hands and kissed Sicheng roughly and passionately as if seeking succor from his nagging jealousy. Sicheng wrapped his arms around Taeyong's waist pulling him closer while he moaned against Taeyong's delving tongue inside his mouth. They clung onto each other while their kiss deepened.

After what seemed like eternity, Taeyong pulled away from Sicheng's lips to gaze into the latter's dark pools, pupils dilated by desire.

"Sicheng don't apologize, it's not your fault. It's my jealousy that's eating me up the whole afternoon. I'm sorry, " Taeyong murmured into Sicheng's ear before kissing Sicheng's earlobe, making the latter shudder and cling onto Taeyong. "This is so new to me. To feel like I want to rip up her throat for touching you like that. Like I don't want anyone else to touch you but me."

Sicheng swallowed the urge to tell Taeyong it was the same way he felt with Jandi. Instead, he held Taeyong's face to look into his eyes. "Taeyong, I'm yours so don't feel upset. Please don't let that girl ruin our time together. I only ever want us to be happy."

Taeyong nodded then kissed Sicheng heartily, arms locking around Sicheng's neck. Sicheng responded equally to Taeyong's ardor, both of them lost in each other's lips, fingers digging into their flesh. Trapped in a world of their own. Until they heard knocking on the door and Lia's calling out, "You guys, change into your swimwear! Let's soak in the jacuzzi. I'll wait by the pool." A pause and then Lia added, " you heard me, right?"

"Yes, we'll come out shortly," Sicheng said with a trace of irritation in his voice. Looking at Taeyong whose face was carved in stone Sicheng couldn't resist feeling guilty. He wanted to make Taeyong feel better but Lia kept on trampling each opportunity. With a sigh, Sicheng caressed Taeyong's cheek before he said, "Don't feel sad, later I'll be sleeping in your arms, remember?"

Taeyong raised his brows and gave Sicheng a meaningful look making the latter blush and dislodged himself from Taeyong who was finally looking more of himself.

They changed into surfer's shorts after discarding their shirts and jeans while they kept on stealing glances at each other's bodies. Smiling whenever one caught the other. They went out of the room armed with towels and headed outside.

Lia sat on the edge of the pool with her feet dangling in the water. She was wearing a bright pink bikini that barely covered herself. Taeyong whispered 'tramp' under his breath and cringed at Sicheng's warning look.

"Sorry," Taeyong said without a trace of remorse in his voice.

When Lia noticed the two boys approaching she stood up and ran to Sicheng's side, linking her arm with Sicheng's and pulling him towards the jacuzzi. Sicheng gave Taeyong an apologetic look while the latter gave him and Lia dagger looks. Sicheng cringed. Lia must have misunderstood Sicheng's behavior as feeling chilly so she said, "oh don't worry, the water is warm. I had Daddy turn up the jacuzzi heater so we're good."

Lia led Sicheng into the jacuzzi followed by a sulking Taeyong who sat across the two.

"Ooh I missed this," Lia supplied as she leaned back, craning her head and closed her eyes. She still had her arm around Sicheng's who was as stiff as a wooden plank. Taeyong turned his back on them and settled his arms over the rim, resting his chin on his hands and studied the flowers lining the concrete fence in across him. Sicheng started gnawing at his brain for ways on how to make it up to Taeyong when they were finally alone.

Lia began a tirade of anecdotes on why she disliked this and that or why she liked things to be so. It was torturous for the two boys, more so for Sicheng who watched Taeyong's rigid back. He knew Taeyong was upset and he hoped to make it up to him once more when they were alone.

Despite Lia's incessant speeches, Sicheng felt more relaxed as the warm bubbles crept up his tense body and languidly settling himself deeper into the bubbling water as he continued to study Taeyong's back, watching the muscles ripple when he breathed. He suddenly thought of how he'd like to touch those muscles once more, run his fingers lightly over the skin.

Sicheng's reverie was disrupted by Lia who complained, "I'm feeling thirsty. Don't you guys want anything to drink? Cola? Soda?"

Sicheng sighed and motioned to get up saying, "I'll get..."

But Lia quickly interrupted Sicheng. "Taeyong, will you be a doll and get us some chilled drinks please?" Lia requested and batted her lashes at Taeyong who turned to face them when he heard his name.

"Sure," Taeyong said civilly as he stood up, picked up his towel and settled it over his shoulders. He headed for the fridge located in the barbecue shack out back.

Sicheng closed his eyes, silently praying for Taeyong's patience. He sensed Taeyong was like a rubber band pulled to it's limit and about to snap. He felt his chest tighten, knowing it was a hopeless case. Lia seemed to be attracted to him and he had no easy way of rebutting her advances. How can he tell her he was in a relationship with Taeyong without risk of ruining his parent's reputation and relations with the Kims? He seemed to be trapped in the middle, hands tied behind his back, while Taeyong suffered as well. Sicheng gave out a deep sigh. He wished he could kiss Taeyong's and his own worries away.

Then to his horror, Sicheng felt soft lips land over his own. It definitely wasn't Taeyong's. His eyes flew open to stare back into Lia's twinkling eyes as she moved her lips against his. Sicheng was momentarily frozen from shock but recovered eventually, grabbing Lia by the shoulders and pushing her back.

"Hey!" exclaimed Lia in protest and laughed throatily.

"Are you insane?" Sicheng cried out.

Sicheng turned his head towards the direction of the shack and saw Taeyong slowly walking towards them with two drinks in his hands. His heart sank. _Taeyong saw._ He surely saw what Lia just did. His breathing stopped in fear and worry when light shone over Taeyong's face and he witnessed the feverish expression, eyes dark and glittering with fury.

Taeyong settled the drinks near the rim of the tub, completely ignoring Sicheng and coldly declared, "here. I'm tired so I'm turning in."

"Oh, goodnight Taeyong," Lia said in her usual boisterous manner, seemingly happy that Taeyong was leaving.

"Enjoy your evening."

With that Taeyong turned on his heels and walked back into the house without giving Sicheng a second glance nor a chance to utter a single word.


	13. Candor and Remission

 

 

 

 

Taeyong lay still in the slightly dimmed room, curled up on one side of the bed staring blankly at nothing in particular. Oblivious to the plain bedroom with minimal furnishings except for the nightstands on each side of the bed, a closet to hang clothes in and a love seat by the window which was now hidden behind the heavy brown fabric curtains. He felt stinging in his eyes after shedding tears while in the shower. He blamed it on the shampoo that trickled down from his head, unwilling to admit to himself he cried woefully from self-pity. Taeyong felt like his heart was being crushed by a sledgehammer. There were no words to describe the unbearable pain which jealousy and betrayal caused. Although he felt that betrayal didn’t really seem to befit Sicheng’s nature and knowing Sicheng, he would never betray him intentionally the way it appeared to be. But the pain was too great to ignore. So this was how it felt to see the one you loved being kissed by another. It felt horrible. Will he ever come to terms with Sicheng being with someone else if and when they were separated by fate? He never thought of it during the short time Sicheng was his. _His_. But then there was the thought that Sicheng should never have been his in the first place. He forced himself upon Sicheng, begging him to stay. Sicheng didn’t want to be engaged in a relationship with him let alone continue being a friend to begin with. He voiced out this fact vehemently that rainy afternoon that felt like ages ago.

Taeyong was now worried that the foundation he thought he built for his and Sicheng’s relationship was slowly crumbling. Like his future. Taeyong found it hard to imagine how bleak it would become without Sicheng in it. But how can he secure a future with Sicheng knowing his past would become a hindrance? Should he consider this as a sign? An omen or a warning that he should let Sicheng go? Was he being selfish in keeping Sicheng? Taeyong grimaced as he felt a pang in his chest at the very thought of losing his love. But reality slowly settled in.

When he took on the responsibility of being a father he knew there was a trace of regret in his decision. However, Jandi was a friend to him. She still was, despite the drastic change in her. Seeing her for the first time when they were in middle school when she was being bullied by three mean popular girls tugged at his pity. She needed help while they were ripping her clothes and pushing her around, her school bag contents decorating the pavement. Taeyong, being the kind person that he was, stepped in to stop it. He started to care for her like he would a stray puppy and took her under his wing. As the months turned to years she started showing something else other than friendship. Taeyong cringed at the remembrance of the first night she came onto him and kissed him, declaring her love for him. He politely and firmly declined whatever she offered and since then things became a tad awkward, making way for drifting apart. But he remained a friend to her, the very reason he still puts up with Jandi’s willy ways. Then that fateful night she came to him crying happened. Taeyong sighed. He would rather go back to wallowing in self-pity than recall events that led him to getting hurt for helping so he pushed those thoughts aside.

Taeyong heard the bedroom door open and he stiffened. He closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep. He knew Sicheng stayed behind for an hour and twenty-seven minutes. No, he couldn’t help himself from counting. He stopped himself from grimacing despite the fact that Sicheng won’t be able to see his face since his back was towards the door. Taeyong’s heart was drumming in his chest while he tried to control his ragged breathing. He swallowed hard feeling his nervousness swell inside him. He had no idea how to react to Sicheng and in the same way he did not have any inkling how Sicheng will approach the situation they were currently in. Taeyong knew he appeared cold and indifferent just before he left them. Pondering now, he didn’t realize how awful Sicheng must have felt. But it’s too late to change his reaction. No, he is upset and hurt and jealous so he will stand firm. Taeyong sighed inwardly. He’s gone crazy.

Taeyong heard Sicheng go straight to the bathroom to take his shower. It was a relatively quick one but by the time Sicheng came out to change into his sleepwear, Taeyong was frayed from the inside out. His emotional turmoil was out of bounds and he was stiff while tension spread all over his body. On the one hand Taeyong was ready for an outburst but on the other, he was afraid of blurting out something he might regret later on. He should be careful, realizing he really didn’t want to hurt Sicheng. It was just his damned jealousy and pride that kept him from pouncing on Sicheng while he was in the shower for heaven’s sake.

Taeyong was confounded and completely engrossed in nitpicking his thoughts that he almost gasped aloud when he felt the bed dip as Sicheng sank onto it. Taeyong could hear his heart throbbing in his ears, pounding in his chest as if trying to spring itself free from its encasement. He almost forgot how to breathe as he felt Sicheng shift so that his chest rested on Taeyong’s back. He could feel Sicheng’s chest expanding to take in his ragged breaths. Breaths that Taeyong felt constantly on his nape. He groaned inwardly, thinking how long can he keep fighting the urge to hold Sicheng in his arms. He was still sore from that horrid scene he witnessed. Although he wasn’t fooling anyone but himself.

“Taeyong...” Sicheng whispered shakily. “Are you awake?”

Taeyong gulped as he shivered at Sicheng’s voice behind his ear. He tried to calm himself and answered, “no.”

Sicheng sighed and said wistfully, “I’m sorry you had to see that. I was too stunned myself. But I’m not making any excuses. I should have stopped it or avoided it altogether. I did talk to her, telling her it was not proper to kiss a boy like that who wasn’t even having a relationship with her. I lectured her on her behavior and threatened to spill everything to her parents if she ever did it again. She left me stomping her feet after that. I...stayed behind for a while because I was... afraid that...”

“Sicheng, please stop.” Taeyong couldn’t stand the thought of Sicheng bearing the guilt where he had no cause. Taeyong was hurt but not solely about Sicheng being kissed by another, although this made him realize things. Admittedly Taeyong was torn inside. He loved Sicheng desperately, but he now knew Sicheng should be made to choose who he really wanted to be with and not be forced into a relationship that had no security or certainty. Taeyong choked back his tears as he whispered, “maybe this...thing we have isn’t really for you. I’m being selfish for keeping you. You shouldn’t be with me. I think I need to...I have to set you free. To find the right person for you. I don’t think I’m that...”

Taeyong’s little speech was cut off by Sicheng’s arm going around his body, pulling him closer. He felt Sicheng nuzzle his hair near his nape and felt a wetness streak down the side of his neck. Sicheng was crying? Taeyong blinked back his own tears as he shifted to turn and face Sicheng. His heart ached to see Sicheng look so downtrodden, face contorted as he fought back his tears.

“Sicheng...”

Sicheng, perhaps unable to control his emotions any longer, started whimpering. Taeyong took him in his arms and held him close to his chest with Sicheng’s head resting on his arm and caressed Sicheng’s soft hair. “Please don’t cry, this is best for you. I know it will hurt a little but I don’t want to tie you down with someone as useless and pathetic as myself. You deserve someone better. You’ll forget me and move on.”

Sicheng tried to quelch down his sobbing, looked into Taeyong’s eyes brimming with unshed tears and said emphatically, “you said you can’t survive without me, that you can’t lose me because you love me. But now you’re trying to get rid of me. All because some... tramp kissed me? And me moving on? Do you really think I can live without you? Don’t you know how much I need you in my life? If you let me go, I’ll slowly wither away and...and die.”

Taeyong closed his eyes and held Sicheng’s head to his chest whispering, “so would I, Sicheng.”

“Then don’t let me go. Please don’t throw away what we have. You told me to trust you why can’t you trust me? Why can’t you put your faith in me the same way I do for you? Faith to hold on and not let go of our love, to be together, grow old together.”

Taeyong involuntarily let out a soft cry and held Sicheng even tighter. “I’m sorry, I just feel so unworthy of you. I thought you might be better off without me. When I saw you kissing her, somehow I felt so insecure and thought you should be with someone who can give you a future. A real family. I’m sorry I let my jealousy overtake me. I just thought she could give you something I can’t.”

Sicheng lifted his head to look at Taeyong and said, “I love you Taeyong and I will fight for you, for us. I don’t care what you think. To me you are worth more than anything in this world including my life, which will be meaningless without you.”

Sicheng’s declaration touched Taeyong’s heart. Moved by it Taeyong could no longer resist the urges he has been trying to suppress. “I...I love you, Sicheng,” Taeyong said, his voice cracking with emotion and while caressing Sicheng’s smooth cheek kissed Sicheng softly on the forehead. “I...I won’t let go.”

Sicheng’s teary eyes held Taeyong’s and like an unknown force pulled them together, their lips met. Taeyong felt Sicheng’s lips move against his, gently coaxing and savoring the sensation. It was a light kiss at first but as their emotions surged so did the kiss deepen. Their hands started to explore the other’s bodies, traveling across each other’s lithe expanse of taut skin under their clothing. Their breaths started to become irregular as the friction of each other’s moistened lips created more sensual pleasure. Sicheng became bolder, seizing Taeyong’s lower lip between his and caressed it with his tongue. Taeyong moaned against Sicheng’s mouth, holding him tighter and running his fingers through Sicheng’s hair. Their kiss became more passionate, teasing each other’s tongues as the other delved into the other’s wet cavern.

Taeyong needed to feel Sicheng’s skin under his palms, so he slipped his hand under Sicheng’s tee and let it glide over the smooth ridges of the muscles and his rib cage. Sicheng arched his body against Taeyong, moaning softly while he dug his fingers into Taeyong’s back. Taeyong pulled away to let his mouth travel to Sicheng’s neck, his tongue tasting the warm skin, slightly damp from the shower. He smelled of fresh lavender, the scent arousing Taeyong’s senses even more. He nibbled on the soft skin of Sicheng’s neck biting it and sucking lightly making Sicheng moan against his ear. Taeyong shuddered when he felt Sicheng’s nails run the length of his back.

Taeyong shifted so that he now lay on top of Sicheng as he continued to kiss and explore the exposed skin of Sicheng’s throat. He lifted Sicheng’s shirt and pulled it over his head to reveal the angular form he admired. Taeyong let his hands travel over Sicheng body as he sought to kiss Sicheng’s lips once more. After a while Taeyong momentarily left his ministrations to take off his own shirt. He groaned as he felt Sicheng’s hands caressing his chest, fingers teasing his nipples. Taeyong situated himself back on top of Sicheng and went on to kissing the latter’s neck, nibbling his way down to the collarbones. He let his tongue glide across the smooth skin until he closed his mouth over Sicheng’s nipple. Sicheng, who was stroking Taeyong’s back and hair, writhed and moaned under his mouth as Taeyong tended to each nipple, nipping and biting it gently. Taeyong wanted to taste every part of Sicheng’s body, every ridge and curve. He let his hands glide down to Sicheng’s crotch and felt the erection throb under his touch under the loose pj bottom. A groan escaped Sicheng’s mouth, clutching at him as Taeyong’s hands finally found their way inside Sicheng’s boxers to fondle the hardened shaft.

“Taeyong...”

Taeyong’s lips found it’s way back to Sicheng’s mouth and kissed him feverishly, hungry for the feel of Sicheng’s moist tongue. He shoved aside sicheng’s pants to expose Sicheng’s hard member and continued to make upward and downward strokes, Sicheng moaned and groaned as his hand caressed and fondled the length. He felt Sicheng was close so he pumped his hand on the throbbing member vigorously, sensing the tensing up of Sicheng as he neared his climax. Taeyong parted from Sicheng’s lips and went back to flicking his tongue on Sicheng’s stiff nipple, nibbling and softly biting it till Sicheng arched against Taeyong’s mouth. Sicheng’s hand found its way under Taeyong’s track pants and enclosed his hand on Taeyong’s erection, slowly caressing it, making Taeyong moan while he kept on nibbling on Sicheng’s now sensitized nipples. Taeyong’s hand made pumping motions at a faster pace with Sicheng trying to catch his breath while sighing and moaning at Taeyong’s fondling.

Sicheng groaned and cried out, “I’m c-close...”

Sicheng’s body tensed and he shuddered in pleasure as he came. Taeyong kissed Sicheng on the mouth as the latter’s spasms subsided and Taeyong continued to caress Sicheng. Sicheng lay spent on his back staring into Taeyong’s eyes when the parted from the kiss and smiled into each other’s eyes. Taeyong extracted himself from Sicheng’s arms and Sicheng had to let go of his hand in Taeyong’s pants as the latter got off the bed to retrieve the wipes from his bag. He then cleaned off Sicheng’s abdomen and member, making Sicheng twitch when the moist wipe touched him. Taeyong snickered as Sicheng glared at him as Taeyong disposed of the the wipes after pulling up Sicheng’s pj bottom.

“Come back here,” Sicheng called out and Taeyong obliged, returning to Sicheng’s arms and they kissed passionately. Sicheng pushed Taeyong back to lay on his back while they continued to savor each other’s lips. Sicheng let his hand travel down to Taeyong’s waistline, pushing the cotton material out of the way as his hand found Taeyong’s erection once more, making him moan while Sicheng fondled him. Sicheng’s mouth left Taeyong's and let his lips travel along his jawline to nibble on his earlobe. Then he whispered, “I want to please you, Taeyong.”

Taeyong tightened his embrace around Sicheng and said, “just you being with me is already giving me much joy.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Sicheng said huskily. Taeyong shuddered at Sicheng’s whisper, not understanding what he could mean. Before he could even grasp at the idea, Sicheng extracted himself from Taeyong’s arms and knelt between Taeyong’s legs. Taeyong gulped nervously at Sicheng as the latter pulled down his track pants and boxers, taking it completely off to free Taeyong’s hard organ which now lay throbbing on his abdomen. Sicheng kept glancing at Taeyong who was breathing irregularly in anticipation.

Sicheng ran his hands along Taeyong’s long legs while he looked at Taeyong who was now watching with great interest by lifting his body up and resting on his elbows. Taeyong could feel his heart hammering against his chest as Sicheng planted soft kisses along his shapely thighs, letting his lips travel up till he was tantalizingly close to what appeared to be his goal. Taeyong shivered as Sicheng nibbled on his inner thigh and on to his pelvic area, biting and nibbling on the soft flesh. Sicheng took Taeyong’s member gingerly in his hand and held Taeyong’s gaze as he lowered his head. Taeyong could only gasp when Sicheng touched the head of Taeyong’s member with the tip of his tongue tentatively at first and then as several more followed he became bolder and repeatedly ran his tongue over it’s length. Taeyong cried out craning his neck shivering, breathing raggedly and stifled a scream when Sicheng enclosed it in his mouth.

“S-Sicheng...wha-aahh...” Taeyong could only groan as Sicheng sucked and licked his pulsating organ. Taeyong felt as if his whole body was about to explode. Every nerve seemed to be focused on Sicheng’s tongue and he lost it when Sicheng started to bob his head slowly, as if testing how much of Taeyong he could take inside his wet warm mouth. Taeyong whimpered and sank in the pillows while he clutched on the sheets, squirming in ecstasy. “G-god Sicheng...oh God...”

Taeyong felt like he would go insane as he filled Sicheng’s mouth and witnessing Sicheng’s full red lips enclosing him brought waves of pleasure, taking him to heights unknown. The sensation was so erotic and the sight of Sicheng’s lips sliding up and down sensually on him drove him mad with desire. He felt it coming close as it was building inside him, hot fire in his abdomen spreading slowly through his whole body. “Sicheng...s-stop...” he wailed and grabbed Sicheng by the arms and pulled him up in his embrace and kissed the startled Sicheng wetly on the mouth. Taeyong could taste a hint of himself in Sicheng’s lips as he drove his tongue into Sicheng’s mouth and taking Sicheng’s hand he guided it to his aching male organ. Sicheng understanding what Taeyong meant, started pumping on the hot phallus vigorously. Taeyong was groaning against Sicheng’s kiss as they lay on their sides, with Sicheng in Taeyong’s tight embrace. Sicheng parted from Taeyong’s kiss and sought Taeyong’s hard nipple in his mouth, running his tongue in slow circles. Taeyong’s moaning became louder grabbing onto Sicheng’s hair and unable to contain it any longer, arched his body against Sicheng as he came into Sicheng’s fondling hand, his body shuddering in pure ecstasy. Sicheng sought Taeyong’s mouth and kissed him eagerly, passionately, their emotions bubbling over as their lips locked together.

After a moment Sicheng parted from Taeyong to grab the wipes and cleaned Taeyong’s secretions off and helped Taeyong put back his boxers and pants. Taeyong who felt weakened by what he just experienced pulled Sicheng close to him and wrapped his arms and legs around Sicheng and kissed his nose. “Sicheng, why did you do that? I...I was too surprised to protest, I’m sorry.”

“Why be sorry? I told you I wanted to please you,” Sicheng said with a little pout. Taeyong shivered as he recalled how those lips were driving him senseless earlier. Taeyong noticed Sicheng’s brows furrowing intermittently.

“I am very pleased, thank you,” Taeyong said and kissed Sicheng on the lips lightly and continued, “Something bothering you?”

Sicheng looked Taeyong in the eye and said “I’m happy when you’re happy. But I wondered a little. Because uh...never mind.”

“What is it, Sicheng,” Taeyong urged. “You can tell me what’s on your mind.”

“Uh, I don’t know. It just...I’m just mildly surprised how you reacted, so... anyway, I’m happy you liked it a lot,” Sicheng’s cheeks suddenly bloomed a rosy pink noticeable even in the dim light.

“I did, and I’m happy. Very,” Taeyong cleared his throat. Deep down, he knew what Sicheng was driving at. He couldn’t help himself reacting the way he did. I should be more careful from now on, Taeyong thought. _I need to protect Sicheng. Best he’s left not knowing._ “You know how you’re the only one who can affect me this way. So it felt as if it were a novelty.”

Taeyong felt relieved when Sicheng smiled at him and caressed his cheek. “I’m glad. I love you.”

“And I love you.”

They cuddled like so, entwined in each other’s arms and legs, giving each other soft kisses until sleep took them.

 

***

 

The week that followed was heaven for Sicheng, spending almost every waking moment with Taeyong. Taeyong taught him Hangul at home, lazing on the couch or on the floor lying on their stomachs, sometimes on the balcony just sitting and talking, with Sicheng loving every moment he discovered something new about Taeyong. Like how he likes to bite his fingernails when he’s thinking, when he wiggles his body when he’s happy, how much he loves to cook and can’t take any form of mess. At times Mrs. Dong would bring them with her to help with shopping or to dine out with Mr. Dong. Pure bliss.

On the afternoon a day before classes start, Sicheng was sitting with Taeyong on the bench at the park near their home eating ice cream while his head rested on Taeyong’s shoulder. A thought occurred that Sicheng has been meaning to ask Taeyong, so he cautiously inquired, “Taeyong, how is your daughter?”

Taeyong stiffened slightly but replied, “I’m sure she’s well. Jandi’s aunt takes care of her.”

“Is it alright, if I came with you the next time you visit her? Will you please bring me with you?”

“Sicheng, why are you so suddenly interested in seeing the kid?”

“She’s your daughter, a part of you. Everything about you I care about, so I should care about her too, right?” Sicheng straightened himself and looked at Taeyong who was intent on his ice cream cup, seemingly avoiding Sicheng’s gaze. “If we’re to be together, I’d like it very much to be a part of everything in your life. Wouldn’t you?”

“This is different,” Taeyong said, still avoiding Sicheng’s scrutiny. “There are some... things I’d rather not burden you with. I hope you understand. It’s not that I don’t like that you care, but it’s really not a big deal. That child is being cared for properly. That should be enough.”

“Alright, I trust your judgement,” Sicheng said placidly. “Sorry if I seem to be intruding.”

“No, Sicheng. No you’re not,” Taeyong said softly and finally met Sicheng’s eyes. “I’m sorry if it feels like I’m shutting you out of this but trust me when I say it’s for the best.”

Sicheng nodded and Taeyong wiped the bit of ice cream at the corner of Sicheng’s lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Sicheng said, then added. “Will you bring me to school tomorrow? It’s my first day, I wish...you could be with me.”

Taeyong sighed and said, “I’m not sure, it’s too early. Besides, you’ll be safe with your father bringing you to school.”

Sicheng tried not to show his disappointment but smiled at Taeyong who then gave him a pinch on his nose. “Come on, let’s go back it’s getting late.”

They walked back to the condominium building in silence, with Sicheng mulling over Taeyong’s reaction to him mentioning his daughter. Sicheng kept wondering why Taeyong appeared standoffish whenever anything related to Jandi and their daughter came up. It was as if Taeyong didn’t really care for the child one bit. Sicheng sighed inwardly, thinking perhaps all will be revealed later on. Besides it may be too early to delve deeper into Taeyong’s behavior when it came to his past. There should be a proper time for it, thought Sicheng.

When they came to the door to the Dong’s home, Taeyong held Sicheng’s arm and pulled him closer, planting a kiss on his mouth which was short and sweet. “I’ll see you later.”

“Aren’t you having dinner with us?” Sicheng asked.

“I have some...things to attend to,” Taeyong replied vaguely.

“Okay, I’ll see you,” Sicheng said before smiling as he waved back at Taeyong’s goodbye and watched him leave. Somehow Sicheng promised himself he will have to learn more on how to lengthen his understanding when it came to the complexity that was Lee Taeyong.

 

***

 

Sicheng walked up the path leading to the school building with some apprehension. He was of course a foreigner with scant knowledge of the local language despite Taeyong’s tutoring. It would take years before he became fluent, but Taeyong as a matter of fact indeed made his command of the language slightly bearable. He took a deep breath as he started his way to his class when an arm suddenly landed on his shoulders. He whipped his head and almost stumbled on his own feet when he saw Taeyong beside him, grinning from ear to ear and said, “Hi.”

“H-hi... I thought you couldn't make it,” Sicheng said and gasped as he saw what Taeyong was wearing. “You... you’re in uniform!”

“Shouldn’t a student be wearing his uniform to school?”

Sicheng was so pleasantly surprised and felt so proud of Taeyong that wanted to throw himself at his beloved and kiss him but suppressed the urge before shaming them both on the first day of school. Taeyong noticed and snickered. “Save whatever you want to do for later. We’ll be late for class if you don’t stop ogling at your handsome boyfriend.”

Sicheng couldn’t help himself from laughing. He felt so happy that Taeyong decided to go back to school. With him. He was over the moon. Now, the new environment seemed less daunting with Taeyong beside him. But his elation was short lived as he saw the one person he wanted desperately to avoid walk determinedly towards them, a rainbow colored ribbon threaded through her hair waving madly at them.

“Tramp at your 12 o’clock,” whispered Taeyong cynically.

Sicheng sighed. Should he be resigned to his horrid fate of never getting rid of this leech named Lia? Somehow Sicheng felt even less excited with school. It will be a long and excruciating year ahead. He glanced at Taeyong who smiled with his twinkling eyes. Maybe not.

 


	14. Deception For Separation

 

 

 

The school library was as expected almost empty that time of day when most of the students wished to hurry home after class, neglecting any desire to remain at the library just to study. Unlike Sicheng.

But not today.

The rarity of the moment was a novelty as Sicheng stared blankly through the window pane overlooking the school yard. He was painfully bored with the history of the Joseon period no matter how colorful the historian painted it with words. Memorizing the names and dates were not the issue. All he could think about was of course Taeyong. He hated to admit that Taeyong was a distraction. Instead he believed it was a momentary lapse of interest. He was worried, if he were to be honest, for Taeyong and himself.

During the first day of school when Lia dragged them both after classes to a nearby coffee shop, Sicheng’s heart sank when he saw Jandi at the counter. She was apparently a barista there. Taeyong’s face was expressionless, despite the cheerful greeting from Jandi. Great, thought Sicheng. Now they have two _obstacles_ , one for each of them. School was becoming less and less exciting.

The only motivation for Sicheng was for the past three weeks since school has started, Taeyong spent almost all his available hours with Sicheng. In school during breaks, at lunch, going to and coming from school, they were inseparable. Almost every night they would study together despite having different subjects. They would eat dinner either at the Dong’s home or of late at the Lee’s home.

The first time Taeyong introduced Sicheng to his mother and sister was the day Sicheng thought his insides would explode. He never thought he would see the day.

It happened the weekend before when Sicheng got locked out of the house having forgotten the keys. It would have been fine had not his parents gone away overnight for an office retreat. So, naturally Taeyong thought Sicheng should spend the night at his place. Sicheng anticipated meeting Taeyong's family.  They arrived just in time for dinner and Mrs. Lee and Areum were setting the table. Mr. Lee was however, was away overseas on an assignment for a construction project.

Everything was pleasant during dinner time, the food was marvelous and Taeyong’s mother was very warm and kind to Sicheng. She was pleased to finally meet one of Taeyong’s friends and a neighbor at that, she disclosed. She inquired about whether Sicheng has been able to adapt well to the Korean lifestyle and environment. She also insisted that the Lees were ready to help in case they needed anything, them being neighbors and all. However, it was Areum who made Sicheng just a tad uncomfortable. She quietly observed the two boys while they ate, especially Sicheng.

After dinner Taeyong and Sicheng did the clearing and washing of the dishes with Taeyong’s mother retiring to the bedroom. They were alone in the kitchen and while Sicheng was soaping the dishes Taeyong stood behind him and planted a soft kiss on Sicheng’s nape just as Areum was entering. They were unaware that she had seen them. She walked towards them as Taeyong took to drying off the dishes. Areum sat on the kitchen counter and brightly said with a smile, “so, since when have you two been dating.”

Sicheng turned white as fresh snow and almost dropped the bone china Mrs. Lee seemed to value as much as her son. Taeyong on the other hand, just shrugged and said, “it’s really none of your business, but if you must know Sicheng has been my _boyfriend_ for over a month. Now please leave.”

“Aahh...have you had sex yet?” Areum inquired casually.

Sicheng choked on his own breath. Now would be a good time for the earth to crumble around him while he felt his cheeks flush. Taeyong however, was only mildly amused at his sister.

“No. Go away, Areum.”

 Areum gasped. “A month and no sex? Why? I can see you two are madly in love! Um, just in case you decide to do it don’t forget to use protection.”

“Really?” Taeyong asked sarcastically.

“Of course,” Areum said unfrazzled. “Wait here.”

Sicheng didn’t know how many times he washed and soaped the same dish but he needed to hide his face that felt like it was burning. He couldn’t even spare a glance at Teayong from his embarrassment. He jumped when Taeyong kissed his ear and whispered, “don’t mind her. She’s a nosy brat but she doesn’t bite. She has a point though.”

“What?”

Taeyong’s response was forfeited by Areum returning and reclaiming her place on the tiled counter-top. “Here, use this.”

The two boys gaped at the condoms Areum placed  beside her as if they were vipers ready to strike.

“God Areum, you couldn’t have been more discreet.”

“Ugh, it’s not as if either of you can get pregnant so you needn’t worry.”

Sicheng felt his knees wobble. Taeyong grabbed his sister by the arms and removed her from the counter. “Please leave. Now.”

Areum tossed her shiny black hair and said, “I will! I’m taking Mother over to our Aunt Mae’s for a sleep over. She broke up with her boyfriend yesterday so...”

“Since when did that require sleeping over with Mother?”

“Since the two of you need to be alone,” Areum said naughtily. “Enjoy!”

“God...” Taeyong groaned. But Sicheng noticed a little smile on forming on his lips. Suddenly Sicheng felt faint.

Finally it was time to turn in for the night after watching a horrid and gory zombie movie while cuddled in front of the television. Taeyong lent Sicheng clothes to sleep in and they took turns taking a shower. Taeyong teased Sicheng about not needing the sleepwear anyway and it earned him a whack on the arm from Sicheng.

Sicheng could never understand but his heart suddenly started beating wildly against his chest as he lay still on his side on Taeyong’s bed, waiting for him to return from locking up and checking everything before going to bed. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t slept together, though the last time they did so was in Paju. He groaned into the pillow as he remembered that night.

The words Areum left hanging in the air bothered Sicheng if he were to be honest. He never really thought about it, but now that it was in the open it made him a little apprehensive.

 By the time Sicheng felt Taeyong turn off the lamp on his side and join him in bed, his heart rate was skyrocketing and his hands felt clammy. His breath hitched when he felt Taeyong’s arm wrap around his waist and snuggled closer. Sicheng shuddered when he felt Taeyong’s teeth graze his nape then showered it with feathery kisses.

“I missed this,” Taeyong whispered as he threw his leg over Sicheng’s and hugging him tightly, nuzzling Sicheng’s hair. “School made us so busy now and it sucks.”

Sicheng was stiff as a wooden plank but his breathing became labored when he felt Taeyong nibble his earlobe. Involuntarily he let out a sigh, still too shy to face Taeyong. He could barely resist those little nips and kisses but worry got the better of him.

“Sicheng, is something wrong?”

Sicheng turned to face Taeyong and let his eyes wander over the magnificent features of his face as the dimmed lamp on Sicheng's side created shadows on the angles. _God I love him so much._

“Nothing’s wrong, just that...”

Taeyong’s brows furrowed as if considering something. “Are you worried about what Areum said?”

Sicheng swallowed hard. “A little.”

Taeyong’s expression softened and caressed Sicheng’s cheek with the back of his hand. “Hey, don’t be. We’re not supposed to rush things. We have all the time in the world. Besides, I love you no matter what. I don’t really care if we do it or not.”

Sicheng blinked back a sudden rush of tears that he couldn’t really explain, touched by Taeyong’s devotion and understanding. “I love you, Taeyong. Promise me we’ll stay together forever.”

“I promise.”

They kissed tenderly, passionately and thoroughly all night until dawn broke. Sicheng recalled giving Taeyong a little more than kissing though. He stifled a giggle as he tried to focus once more on his Joseon dynasty era.

“I wonder what’s so amusing with history that made you laugh like that,” Taeyong said sounding amused and Sicheng jumped at the arm that snaked around his waist while Taeyong sat beside him. “Sorry I’m late, we had to re-do the choreography because one of the students got injured.”

“It’s alright,” Sicheng said as he started to gather his books and shoved them inside his bag. “Give me a minute and we’ll go.”

“Nobody will be at home tonight, want to sleep with me?” Taeyong whispered in Sicheng’s hear and dared to nibble on his ear.

Sicheng gasped and looked around wide-eyed to see if anybody noticed and whispered. “Taeyong, quit it!”

“I don’t care,” Taeyong said mischievously. “Come on, you’re sleeping at my place. It’s Friday so let’s make the most of it.”

“Fine, but we’re not watching another zombie movie. I want to do a marathon on Captain America movies.”

“Ugh,” Taeyong grunted. “Alright, alright. Let’s go!”

They walked out of the library with Taeyong’s arm over Sicheng’s shoulders with the latter stifling a laugh from something Taeyong whispered in his ear.

The couple failed to notice the barista who delivered coffee to the librarian, for Jandi turned her back to them while they passed by. They failed to notice her watching them with hate in her eyes.

Unbeknownst to all three of them, someone else was watching while his hands balled into fists, knuckles turning white. “You’ll get what’s coming for you, Lee Taeyong.”

***

 

The following week flew by and Sicheng relished the fact that it was practically uneventful and Lia only bothered him and Taeyong today, which was short of a miracle. She dragged them both after class, surprising even Taeyong as she firmly held both of their hands, into the coffee shop. “I’m giving you both a treat. I just topped our Chemistry class quiz so I’m happy.”

“Really? I didn’t know you’re good... for anything,” Taeyong said whispering the latter part after Lia left them for the counter that Sicheng gave him a warning look but couldn’t help smiling.

They chose the table by the window near the door and Sicheng glanced at Taeyong who was too subdued. Sicheng whispered so that only Taeyong would hear, “are you alright? We won’t be long and I’ll make it up to you later.”

Taeyong hid a smile and held Sicheng’s gaze as he squeezed the latter’s hand under the table. Their secret exchange was broken by the return of Lia with their drinks and pastries. An almost friendly chatter ensued, or rather Lia chatted for the most part. Sicheng half-heartedly gave his attention to Lia’s tirades. He sighed and leaned back his chair, wishing this little gathering would end soon. He then noticed Jandi staring at them. He forced a smile on his lips and Jandi gave him a little wave then motioned with her fingers at Sicheng, beckoning him. Sicheng blinked and glanced at Taeyong who had his head bent over the straw, sipping his strawberry and vanilla frappé.

Sicheng stood up and made an excuse to go to the toilet after a short squeeze on Teayong’s hand and the latter nodded in acknowledgement.

Sicheng motioned to Jandi to meet him in the toilet hall with his head as he walked behind Taeyong's chair. Jandi gave him a slight nod. Sicheng felt a frown forming on his face as his feet led him there, wondering what Jandi wanted from him. He stood in the middle of the tight hallway and glanced at Taeyong’s back. He immediately felt guilty without knowing why when he obliged talking to Jandi.

A few moments later Jandi was strutting towards Sicheng and hustled him into the men’s toilet, locking the door behind her.

“I’m sorry for stealing you from your _friends_ , Sicheng. I just wanted to speak with you for a moment. I need your help or rather permission.”

Sicheng blinked at Jandi. What on earth did she need him for? He began to feel butterflies fluttering in his tummy. “Sure, what do you need me for?”

Jandi sighed, shaking her bouncy blue hair, and said excitedly, “you see, the a few days ago I spoke with Taeyong and he asked me to show some pictures of Nayoung. I was surprised but I showed him my gallery. He was so touched and said he missed his daughter. He actually teared up, God. That was the first time I saw him like that.”

Sicheng felt as if his heart was being squeezed but he remained passive as he listened more to what Jandi was trying to tell him. What was her point in this _touching_ anecdote? “That’s good then.”

Jandi nodded while smiling from ear to ear. She continued, “it is! Anyways, I told him he should be visiting more because his daughter needs him, us being practically a _family_ , you know? So he told me to bring Nayoung to visit him at their home. Which I did. And guess what?”

Jandi paused expectantly while beaming at Sicheng who merely stared at her expressionless so she continued, “Taeyong’s mother was so enamored with her granddaughter. She actually told Taeyong to settle down and that we should get married soon! Taeyong agreed!”

“Taeyong... _agreed_?” Sicheng could feel the blood draining from his face. _Taeyong agreed to marry this girl? Why didn’t he tell me?_

“Yes! He told me he realized he had feelings for me too after I told him I still love him.”

“I see...so what did you need me for?” Sicheng managed to appear calm but his insides were shaking.

“Well, I’m planning to have Nayoung’s baptism soon and I want you to be her godfather.”

"Godfather?" Sicheng could hardly believe his ears.

“Yes! I know you and Taeyong are best friends so you’re the first one I thought of. I’m sure Taeyong will also want you to be the best man on our wedding. I bet he’ll tell you everything in due time. Nothing’s set yet. So will you be Nayoung’s godfather?”

“I...guess so...” Sicheng mumbled. He wanted this conversation to end. He wanted to end his existence as well. He had the immediate urge to vomit.

Sicheng almost shuddered when Jandi flung her arms around him and said, “Oh really? Wow thank you Sicheng! I’m so happy! But mind you, please don’t tell Taeyong since this is all a secret, alright? Not a word. I want it as a surprise!”

“I...understand,” Sicheng said hoarsely. But he didn't.

“Gosh, I’ve got to go back to my post or I’ll lose this job. Thank you Sicheng, I knew I could rely on you. Remember, not a word!”

Sicheng could only nod and force a smile on his lips before Jandi left him alone. This wasn’t happening. It wasn’t supposed to happen and Taeyong himself vowed that Jandi won’t be a hindrance, that his past won’t come between them. But now, all of a sudden this.

Sicheng felt tears stinging in his eyes as they threatened to fall. He went over to the sink and washed his face. He looked at his reflection on the mirror. A boy so in love that he deluded himself into thinking everything was perfect and it will last. “You’re a fool, Sicheng. Love isn’t for fools.”

Sicheng took a deep breath to calm himself. He knew from the back of his mind that this might happen. Now it did and Jandi is coming between him and Taeyong or rather he was coming between them. They were indeed practically a family. How could he not see? He had no place in this and he was trying to crowd himself in, forcing himself where he didn’t belong. He was indeed a fool to think this will work. Taeyong deserved better. Jandi may be overzealous at times, but she was kind and hardworking. More importantly, she loved Taeyong. She can take care of him and nurture him, give him a family as a real _wife_ can. Unlike him. Sicheng couldn’t contain it when the sobs came while he clutched at the sink. How could he be so stupid to think he had a future with Taeyong? He should have realized that Taeyong deserved better.

Sicheng was startled when the door burst open and Teayong entered. He frowned when he saw Sicheng and immediately tried to take the latter in his arms. But Sicheng lifted his palms up and said, “It’s fine, I’m ok. I think I need to ...I should go.”

“Sicheng...what’s wrong?” Taeyong asked worriedly.

Sicheng ignored Taeyong as he opened the bathroom door and headed straight to their table to collect his belongings. Taeyong was at his heels.

“I’m sorry Lia, I...something came up. I have to go. I’ll see you around,” Sicheng said hastily.

“Wha-why? We just got here!” Lia watched with pouting lips as Sicheng left. 

“Sorry Lia. Thanks anyway.” Taeyong grabbed his backpack and followed Sicheng out of the cafe. A grim but determined look on his face.

“What is wrong with these boys?” Lia sputtered shaking her head.

They were unaware that from behind the counter, Jandi tried her best to hide her smile as she watched the scene unfold before her. The seed has been planted and all she needed was for it to grow. Oh yes, she’ll water that seedling, she thought as she whistled and continued with her task behind the counter. Taeyong will finally be hers.

 

Sicheng hurried out of the cafe trying to avoid the inevitable. He gasped when he felt Taeyong’s hand grab his arm and pull him in the alley between the buildings, away from prying eyes.

“Sicheng, what’s wrong. One moment you were fine and the next you can’t even look at me. Is it something Jandi said?”

“You...saw?”

“Of course I saw her follow you inside the toilet,” Taeyong said impatiently. “Whatever she said, it’s not something you should trust.”

“Trust, that’s the key word, isn’t it?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Taeyong looked not only worried now but slightly peeved.

“Tell me the truth then, have you spoken to Jandi lately? About Nayoung?”

Taeyong’s brows creased and looked curiously at Sicheng. “Yeah, she showed me some photos she took recently. What about it?”

Sicheng tried to contain his annoyance. “Did she bring Nayoung to your home?”

“Yeah, the other day. She... came to borrow money. Why? What does that have to do with us? Listen, you can’t trust her,” Taeyong said earnestly.

Sicheng gaped at Taeyong’s lie. How can he be so callous? Didn’t Taeyong think he would be hurt or did Taeyong even feel any guilt at not telling him? Sicheng met Taeyong’s seemingly confused and _innocent_ gaze. This has to stop. No more secrets that he can ignore. Sicheng can’t fool himself any longer and he won’t allow himself to be blind in this relationship. But more importantly, Taeyong needs to be free from baggage. From him. He has the promising future of a family, a woman who loves him. What can he, Dong Sicheng the fool, offer him? Nothing. Love? What was his love’s worth if he can’t offer anything else? He made a decision and he was determined to keep it.

“I don’t think I can continue with this, Taeyong. You have too many secrets. Too much baggage from your past. It’s just too overwhelming for me to handle. This isn’t what I wanted. Let’s just end this folly.”

Sicheng felt a sharp stab in his heart as he watched Taeyong’s eyes fill with unshed tears, his beautiful lips quivering. He too wanted to cry but he steeled himself from doing so. Sicheng knew he had to do this otherwise his resolve will break and they’ll be back to where they were, him being a third party. No, this time it should be final.

“No, you can’t do this again Sicheng, I love you more than my life,” Taeyong said gruffly while grabbing Sicheng’s arms. Taeyong kissed Sicheng almost angrily, passionately. It was a kiss that was filled with such love and emotion that it almost broke Sicheng.

Sicheng felt his tears fall and he groaned as he pushed Taeyong from him. “No, I can’t do this anymore Taeyong. We don’t belong to each other. You belong to someone else. She _owns_ you. Can’t you plant that into your thick head? Besides, if you really want to keep this relationship, why won’t you tell me everything? Why do you have to keep me in the dark about some things? Tell me then, right here, right now. Whatever question I ask you’ll give me an answer, especially about Jandi.”

“Sicheng...” Taeyong whispered in anguish. “There are... some things I... can’t share...”

“Then I’m sorry. We’re over.”

With that Sicheng purposely turned his back on Taeyong, striding swiftly away from him. Taeyong shouldn’t see the pain he felt was etched on his face. With every step he took away from Taeyong, the more tears fell and the more anguish he felt. He loved Taeyong. Too much that Sicheng knew Taeyong deserved more. His love was so great and deep. But it had no space for a third wheel such as himself. The deep and dangerous love he still felt for Taeyong was for his own to keep now and needn’t be shared. Taeyong didn’t need this, didn’t need him. Sicheng stifled a sob as he walked even further away to the main streets. This time, he knew for certain Taeyong won’t follow.

 


	15. The Revelation

 

 

 

 

Taeyong watched Sicheng from the other end of the library with eyes glittering from jumbled emotions, unblinking and motionless. He sat with his forearms resting on the table, a chemistry book lay open in front of him and a pencil in his right hand he clutched tightly, making his knuckles turn white. His lip twitched with distaste as Lia leaned over and whispered something into Sicheng's ear that the latter seemed to have found amusing, smiling sweetly back at the girl.

Anger started to seep through Taeyong when he saw Sicheng reach over and stroke Lia's shiny hair. Sicheng used to do that to him and now watching that tramp take his place, Taeyong felt as though a hundred needles were pricking his heart. The pencil in his hand snapped in two, the sharp wood splinters piercing his skin and wounding him. He cursed as he dabbed on the blood that started flowing with his hanky and tied it around his hand. He should have known better. Finding them here was unavoidable, but remaining to watch them was masochism.

Every single day Lia would hang around Sicheng and Taeyong would observe them from afar with hawk eyes. He was aching and yet there he was, still watching and pining for Sicheng hoping for something, some form of acknowledgement from the boy he still loved and yearned for. But it never came. That didn't discourage him though. So, he would often find himself within the vicinity where Sicheng was. It was an unending cycle of watching, approaching and avoiding between them. For Taeyong it was hell.

The past month was torturous for Taeyong who desperately tried to reach out to Sicheng, to reason out with him. But Sicheng wouldn't even look him in the eye. No matter how hard Taeyong tried to talk to Sicheng, the boy would always avoid him even before Taeyong came close to within ten feet of him. At first, Taeyong tried to empathize with Sicheng. Taeyong indeed had baggage. Jandi, for certain. He knew Jandi was the reason or the cause rather, of all of this. Something she said turned a switch in Sicheng that Taeyong couldn't flip off. He suspected Jandi said something vile about him that Sicheng had the resolve to break up with him. Sicheng never even gave him a chance to defend himself. While Taeyong, not knowing how since he was unaware of the cause, was the supposed guilty party. A misunderstanding that wasn't enough to break up with him, thought Taeyong. He found it confusing at the very least. He was hurt and in desolation yet he put on a mask to hide his anguish.

Sicheng had said he lied. Taeyong knew for a fact he never lied, just that he didn't disclose everything for Sicheng's own good. Protecting Sicheng was his objective. But it seemed to have backfired and failed him.

After Sicheng left Taeyong in the alley that fateful day, Taeyong tried to get an explanation from Jandi, grabbing her out of the coffee shop to the back alley.

"What the fuck did you say to Sicheng that made him so upset, Jandi?" Taeyong asked through his teeth, anger barely kept at bay.

"Wha—I just showed him photos of Nayoung and asked him to be her godfather. Is something wrong?" Jandi batted her lashes and smiled sweetly.

"I know you," Taeyong seethed. "What game are you playing at?"

"Game? I have no idea what you're talking about," Jandi feigned innocence. "Um, sorry I got to go back to work."

Taeyong grabbed her arm, squeezing it tightly.

"Oww..."

"I've given up so much for you and this is how you repay me?" Taeyong said coldly. "Haven't I done enough for you? Can't you spare me some of my freedom, my own happiness?"

"What about my happiness, Taeyong?" Jandi pleaded, eyes fixed on Taeyong. "Can't we be a real family? Can't we..."

"You greedy little..."

"Yes! I am greedy for you," Jandi interrupted emphatically. "I love you! For years I..."

"I'm tired of this, Jandi. You've done nothing but take from me, abuse me. It's over." Taeyong released Jandi's arm as though he was burned. "Stay away from me and Sicheng from now on." He turned on his heels to leave Jandi, shaking in anger.

In desperation, Jandi clutched at Taeyong's shirtsleeves and cried out, "but you promised!"

Taeyong paused to look at Jandi with hate boiling in him. "I did. It was a mistake seeing now what it's doing to me. I won't break that promise, for old time's sake. But now it's my turn to ask something from you. Stay away."

Taeyong shoved Jandi's grasping hand from him with contempt and walked away fuming. Taeyong remembered the desperation in Jandi's voice as she called out to him but he didn't spare her another glance. He never thought helping a friend would cause him ruin and despair. What was he thinking? The mess he was caught in was hardly what he expected, not to mention Jandi's brother hurting him. Taeyong was only thankful that he hasn't bumped into Haejin since school started, which was short of a miracle.

His musings were interrupted by the tap on his shoulder and he looked up to find Johnny grinning at him. Taeyong hid his hand from view.

"Hey, you want to join us?"

"We're going to the arcade," supplied Haechan who sat down beside Taeyong and started flipping the pages of the chemistry book. "Ugh, Chem."

"You guys go on without me. I'm not really the best company right now," Taeyong stated, trying to sound apologetic but failed.

"Aww c'mon, you've been avoiding us since school started," whined Haechan.

Johnny looked at Taeyong shrewdly, the latter avoiding his gaze. "Is it problems about love?"

"Yuck!" Haechan exclaimed.

Taeyong sighed. Perhaps he should just go along with the moment and distract himself while he was at it. Maybe it was high time he started to act like a normal human being, not some lovesick 19-year-old school returnee. He started packing up his books and shoved it into his bag. "Fine, let's go."

"Yess!" Haechan exclaimed.

 

Taeyong sat with Johnny by the snack bar as he watched Haechan shoot at zombies on a console. Half an hour and he was already feeling edgy. He was in no mood for the noise at the mall video arcade with the boisterous students enjoying the Friday afternoon. Expelling a deep breath, he wished he was better company for Johnny who was telling him a supposedly funny anecdote as he pretended to listen and nod at appropriate times.

"Man, you really are not yourself lately," Johnny said jokingly but his eyes held worry in them. "Look, I know you may be going through something you don't want to share but I know you well enough to notice. C'mon man, we've been friends since middle school. What's up?"

Taeyong spared a glance at Johnny's face that expressed concern. They have indeed been good friends but Taeyong had been avoiding them since Jandi got pregnant. Johnny and the rest of his friends seemed to respect him enough not to delve into the issue but he knew there were questions they wanted to ask. Should he dare tell him he's in love with a boy who doesn't care for him anymore? Or the fact that Jandi is wreaking havoc in his life and her brother wants to tear him to pieces with bare hands? Taeyong too a deep breath. _Where to start?_

"Johnny, you broke up with your ex before, how did you move on?"

"Oh, well..." Johnny looked taken aback but recovered quickly. "Remember I stopped school for a while and went back to the States? I just dealt with it and faced reality. I guess stealing some liquor from my Dad helped some."

"I do remember, it took you almost a year before you came back." Taeyong smiled at Johnny's response. It gave him an idea that he might try later, but kept it to himself.

"Sometimes thinking back I wish I was more open with my feelings, you know? I kind of think it was mostly my fault that she left me. I should have considered that keeping stuff to myself didn't help the relationship. I think she felt left out somehow."

That was it then, Taeyong thought. He kept too much from Sicheng and didn't give him a chance to see his 'other' side. He only thought of himself, not really laying bare that part of him even Taeyong himself shied away from. Taeyong thought if he buried his past and kept it from Sicheng it would disappear. He should have trusted Sicheng with his situation and his past. If he had done so, Sicheng wouldn't have been easily duped by Jandi. Taeyong suspected that the girl told Sicheng there was something between them. Otherwise Sicheng wouldn't have mentioned Jandi 'owning' him. It was quite a revelation for him. But reality was harsh and it was all too late.

"Thanks, Johnny," Taeyong said as he stood from the bar stool. "I think I need to...do something."

"Hey man, no problem," Johnny gave him a pat on the back. "But do you really want to go? I mean we can hang out somewhere else."

"It's okay," Taeyong said glumly, slinging his bag around him. "Just tell Haechan sorry I have to leave early."

"Yeah, don't worry. You take care man," Johnny said with concern. "Call me if you need anything."

Taeyong shoved his hands in his pockets as he mumbled in agreement and walked out of the arcade. It only took a few words from his friend to realize his mistake. Possibly due to the fact that he denied it himself and he was afraid of divulging it to Sicheng. That disclosing everything might make Sicheng think he was weak and a pushover. He valued Jandi's friendship but he realized now Jandi easily used him to suit her needs, thinking that in helping whom he thought was his friend, he was some kind of savior or hero. At the time it felt like a good idea but he realized he should have thought things through carefully. The compassion he felt for Jandi for years and the friendship he thought he valued was twisted and turned into something that could be taken advantage of. How he endured it for years, he never knew why. Perhaps it was to fulfill the urge to be needed by someone. The yearning for someone to look up to him and depend on him. It dawned on him that he gave that part of him to the wrong person. It made him more sad, for himself and for Sicheng who got hurt by his own pride and misjudgements.

As Taeyong headed for the mall's exits, he saw the familiar figures of Sicheng and Lia by the counter at the ice cream place they used to frequent to. Sicheng had cone in his hand but Lia offered a spoonful of her own ice cream to Sicheng. Sicheng obliged, taking in the spoonful into his mouth. Lea reached over quickly tiptoeing and gave Sicheng a peck on the cheek. Taeyong's heart felt like it was being squeezed. Maybe they were indeed together now. Taeyong tore his eyes away from the site and felt even more forlorn at the thought. He really need to dull out the pain. It was killing him.

He groaned as he crashed into a wall of firm chest and looked up to see Haejin. Taeyong froze at the sight of the snarling face of the person he thought he had avoided successful for some time. Haejin was all tall, muscular and looked way mature for his nineteen years of age. He was a menacing, good-looking bully if he were to describe Haejin perfectly despite being a skinhead.

"The fuck... look what the cat dragged in," Haejin said with a sneer. "You're not only a wimp, but a klutz too?"

Haejin's two buddies laughed. Taeyong never knew their names and he never tried to remember after what the three of them did to his ribs. He swallowed nervously, thinking the mall was a safe place and they couldn't harm him here. "I'm really...sorry, I didn't see you."

"Yeah, we're too tiny to notice, you dick," the shorter, leaner crony boomed sarcastically.

"Maybe we should beat some sense into you some more, right guys?" Haejin quipped as he poked at Taeyong's shoulder and the two laughed raucously. "Where's your boyfriend? I'd like him to taste my knuckles too."

"I don't... have one." Taeyong was shivering now, his fear and anxiety getting the better of him despite his trying to compose himself. But he was thankful Sicheng wasn't with him and safely in the distance. Heajin apparently still brought out the worst in him even after not having an encounter with him for months. His eyes wandered about wildly, trying to figure out an escape route. He cringed as Haejin poked him once more, lips curled in a rictus.

"There you are! I just went to buy ice cream and I find you talking to your _friends_ again. Come on, we'll be late for the thing..."

Taeyong shook his head as Sicheng approached the little party and hooked his arm around Taeyong's, leading him away as the three other boys watched with eyebrows raised.

"Sorry... I need Taeyong back," Sicheng said over his shoulder as they steered clear from the group.

"Hey you little..."

"Let them be," Haejin said to his companion as he watched the 'couple' walk away. "There will be a proper place and time for it. He'll just have to wait."

Taeyong's heart was pounding in his chest as he stole a glance at Sicheng while they walked out of the mall, Lia at their heels. He was even more on edge now than he was with Haejin harassing him earlier. They walked all the way to the parking lot out front in silence. Taeyong gulped nervously as he felt Sicheng's hand slide down his arm till the latter dropped it. Was this his chance to talk to Sicheng?

"Sicheng..." Taeyong began, but he was halted by Sicheng's curt words and cold stare.

"I had to butt in, seeing as you were about to be pounded into a pulp. But please don't think this changes anything. I'll see you around, Taeyong. Or hopefully, not."

With that Sicheng grabbed Lia's arm and they headed off to wherever. Taeyong felt his heart cut in pieces as he watched Sicheng walk away from him for the third time. Once more and he would break down or jump off a cliff, he thought glumly. When will his agony end? Till he stopped himself from breathing?

"That's a thought," Taeyong muttered to himself as he lumbered his way to the bus stop. He had this enticing thought of ransacking his father's wine stock.

 

"Taeyong, you're home. Better have dinner, I saved some chicken for you. It's in the microwave," Mrs. Lee yelled out as she saw Taeyong enter the living room but the latter mumbled incoherently. "I hope you're not going to miss dinner again."

Taeyong merely nodded as he headed for his room. He dumped his bag on the floor and changed into jeans and a tee under his favorite denim jacket. Then he went down the hall and entered his father's study. He went straight to the small cabinet off the side near the desk and took out the tall bottle of whiskey and tucked it under his jacket. His mother would wring his neck if she saw him stealing it but his need was greater than his fear of his mother. He went out of the study and headed for the door.

"Taeyong, where are you going?"

Taeyong just shrugged at his mother and replied vaguely, "out."

"Taeyong!"

He shut the front door behind him with his mother's pleading voice ringing in his ears. He knew she was worried about him but he couldn't help it, feeling a little guilty. Of late his head was filled with too much of what was going on between him and Sicheng that he had become somewhat insensitive to others except for the void inside him. The visions of Sicheng that keep haunting him and the desire to hold him once more. Sicheng's touch earlier intensified his loneliness, magnified his agony that he thought his urge to dull his senses with alcohol was justified. He had to get rid of the picture of Sicheng's cold stare from his head. He needed to.

Taeyong headed for the stairwell to go to the park which he suspected was empty at that hour as he took swigs from the whiskey bottle between very short intervals. By the time he reached pavement to cross the street he had downed almost half of the bottle. He realized this as he looked at it with surprise and his focus began to blur. Whiskey would not have been his first choice but he knew it would make him drunk faster. It was the only logical reasoning he could think of as he started to sway a little with the world spinning around him. Perhaps sitting on the park bench would help to pass the dizziness.

Taeyong started for the park and stepped onto the road to cross it. From a distance he could hear the horn of a vehicle. However his thoughts were too clouded to realize the honking was for him and only realized it as he squinted at the bright headlights flashing before his eyes. He knew he should cross the street so why was he stopping in the middle of it?

One moment he was staring at the bright lights, the next he was rolling on the pavement after being pushed away from the oncoming SUV. Taeyong shook his head as he groaned, trying to catch his breath that was knocked out of him by a heavy human being on top of him. "C-can't b-breathe..."

"Serves you right for trying to get yourself killed, you idiot."

Taeyong frowned as the person, his supposed savior, rolled off of him. He knew that deep voice. A deep caressing and soft voice he was all too familiar with. His heart froze as he finally was able to focus on Sicheng scowling at him as the latter lay beside him on the pavement.

"S-sicheng..."

Sicheng quickly picked himself up from the concrete and dusted himself off. "No need to thank me. Again."

Taeyong took Sicheng's outstretched hand and stood up ungainly, trying to balance himself. He was surprised to see blood on his hand trickling down to his wrist and dyeing his jacket a deep maroon. Looking down he saw the shattered pieces of the bottle that lay scattered over the pool of whiskey on the street. "My whiskey..."

Sicheng gasped at Taeyong's hand and pulled the drunken boy further away from the street to safety. "You stupid... Taeyong you're an imbecile... you hurt yourself!"

Taeyong had to smile at Sicheng's sudden concern. He should have thought of hurting himself if it would gain Sicheng's attention. "I'm sh-shorry..."

"You're not only stupid, you're also drunk. You reek of alcohol," Sicheng said incredulously as he tied his hanky around Taeyong's bleeding hand. "You need to have this cleaned. I don't think it's that deep and taping it will do. No stitching needed."

"I had to... I m-mished you..." Taeyong could feel his tongue thickening inside his mouth and sniggered while he stared at Sicheng.

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Taeyong? Why can't you just let it go?"

"I...I lo-love you...Sicheng. I l-love you sho much," Taeyong frowned, thinking why can't he speak properly with his words all coming out slurred.

Sicheng pressed his lips into a thin line and held Taeyong's glazed eyes. "I don't think it's appropriate to say that to me. I'm going to take you home now. You need tending to."

"N-noo! M-mother will...she'll kill meee..." Taeyong begged. "Sicheng...please. I'm sho ssorry. I'm a mesh without you."

"I can see that. But you know why I can't have you back, Taeyong. I can't be between you and Jandi. You're getting married soon. I'm not..."

"Wha-what did you shay?" Had Taeyong heard it correctly? He was getting married? To Jandi? "Why would I m-marry that le-leech? She used and abushed mee...I hate her."

Sicheng stiffened and stared at Taeyong. "You're drunk and you don't know what you're saying. I'm taking you home."

"I know what I'm shaying! Ish that what shee told you?" Taeyong laughed throatily. "That fuckin bish...I'll kill her."

Sicheng frowned at Taeyong while the latter smiled back. Sicheng cleared his throat and said, "So what if that's what she said? She merely told me the truth. Besides, you need to take responsibility for your daughter..."

"Thruth?! Thurth...ugh my thongue..." Taeyong sniggered as he tried to keep his balance. "Why would I marry her? Huh, Sicheng? I only did whah I did to help her. Now look at me, ruined and shcorned by the one I love."

"You should take responsibility Taeyong. Your daughter Nayoung needs you. Be man enough, will you?" Sicheng turned to leave after adding, "go home."

"Nayoung? She'sh not even my daughter," Taeyong shrieked and chuckled. "That bitch Jandi..."

"What did you just say?" Sicheng said, face placid.

"I shaid, Na-nayoung is NOT my daughter," Taeyong said emphatically. He tried to focus on Sicheng's face. There was something important in the expression on Sicheng's face but Taeyong could hardly see through his blurred vision. The earth suddenly started shaking and Taeyong's knees wobbled.

"N-nayoung isn't your daughter?" Sicheng took a step closer.

"Yes, Sisheng. She'sh not my d-daughter," Taeyong managed to mutter as he looked at Sicheng's face. He frowned, trying to think straight. He knew something was happening that shouldn't, but Taeyong couldn't place his finger on it. "How many timesh mush I tell you..."

"Taeyong..."

"I... love you, Sicheng."

Taeyong smiled at Sicheng before darkness overtook him and he felt himself crumple on the concrete pathway.

 


	16. Succumbing To The Heart

 

 

 

Sicheng huffed while stretching his back after plopping the barely conscious Taeyong on his bed. Taeyong merely groaned in complaint as Sicheng took off his shoes and socks. Why am I even doing this, Sicheng thought as he stowed the sneakers away. Piggybacking Taeyong from the street to his home was no joke. He had no idea where he took his strength from when he picked up Taeyong from the pavement to settle him onto his back. It now felt like it would break in two. If he was injured or became paralyzed for life he’ll blame Taeyong, he thought, although he knew deep inside he would have done it again if need be. He couldn’t have left Taeyong lying unconscious on the pavement ex or no, Sicheng justified.

At first Sicheng wanted to bring Taeyong back to his own home but decided against it. He wouldn’t want Taeyong’s family to see him drunk and find out he was almost run over by a vehicle.  It may have been a blessing...or a curse, that Sicheng’s parents were away for the weekend on a trip to Jeju Island to attend a wedding. So naturally Sicheng brought Taeyong home.

A trace of guilt started to nab at him. He knew it was his fault Taeyong was acting this way but how can he stay with him when it was for Taeyong’s own good. He admitted it was the most difficult thing he had ever done in his life. He still loved Taeyong, immensely. Even as he looked at the motionless figure lying on his bed reeking of alcohol his heartstrings were gently being tugged at. Taeyong looked so fragile and vulnerable with those tiny creases between his brows as he breathed heavily. His lips were so red and his cheeks were flushed. Sicheng crushed the urge to kiss Taeyong right then and shook his head. He missed his ex-boyfriend. Missing Taeyong’s kisses was not an excuse to pounce on him.  He really should find a way to eradicate all emotions he had for this boy who had secrets. And Sicheng needed explanations. _He isn’t the father...He’s not marrying Jandi...He hates Jandi..._

So, Jandi that snake lied to him. It appears Taeyong was telling the truth that day they broke up. Or was he? Sicheng really wanted answers, but to what end? Should he admit even to himself he wants Taeyong back just because he said Nayoung wasn’t his daughter? And what of Haejin? Sicheng shuddered as he remembered how bold and corageous he must have seemed, rescuing Taeyong from the fiend as he poked and jabbed at Taeyong. Those siblings must have been raised by the devil himself. How the hell did Taeyong entangle himself with those monsters. Taeyong needed someone to protect him from those two.

Looking at Taeyong now lying askew on his bed Sicheng deliberated whether to just let Taeyong sleep that way, a wounded hand encrusted with blood, clothes dusty from rolling on the sidewalk and smelling of whiskey or give him a sponge bath at the very least. Besides, Taeyong’s wound needs to be cleaned. Sicheng swallowed nervously. Washing up Taeyong would mean removing his clothes and seeing him half-naked. It has been a while since he saw Taeyong’s naked body. And to see it now when he felt an overwhelming sense of yearning for Taeyong, feeling it under his fingers once more would be torturous. He sighed resignedly. Sicheng already took him home, might as well do the extra mile and take care of his ex-boyfriend completely. “At my expense,” he muttered. “You’re a masochist, Sicheng.”

Sicheng went to the kitchen and took a small basin and filled it with warm water after grabbing a washcloth, a plaster bandage along with some cotton and antiseptic. He went back to his room and settled the small plastic basin and the rest of the stuff from the kitchen on the nightstand. He sat beside Taeyong and gingerly took the injured hand and noted Taeyong still wore the jade bracelet. Sicheng had taken his off the day they broke up. It felt odd looking at the delicate bony hand, for he had not held Taeyong’s hand in such a long while and it made him pause as he made sure there were no glass shards stuck in the shallow wound. Sicheng blinked back the sudden rush of tears. Reminiscing now was not helping, thought Sicheng so he carefully wiped off the dried blood, dabbing it with cotton soaked in antiseptic.

“Why are you doing this to yourself Taeyong,” Sicheng whispered as he cleaned Taeyong’s wounded hand. Taeyong’s hand twitched from the sting so Sicheng gently blew at it before applying the adhesive plaster. That done, he began undressing Taeyong. He struggled with Taeyong’s jacket and had to roll him to his sides, earning a groan from the drunk boy who began to cooperate somewhat with Sicheng’s ministrations.

Sicheng’s fingers shook as he unbuttoned the fly. His heart started beating wildly as he pulled off the tight jeans and avoided looking at Taeyong’s black boxers and whatever it outlined underneath it. The brand _Supreme_ seemed to be mocking him.

Sicheng began his task of gently wiping Taeyong’s face first, dabbing at the flushed skin of his cheeks, then onto the neck working his way down to the collarbones. Taeyong’s neck was always a favorite part of Sicheng’s. He remembered how often he would nibble on it and run his tongue on the smooth skin and Taeyong loved it. Sicheng shuddered. _Stop it you idiot._

Sicheng wiped off the torso and arms next, noting the blotches of red on Taeyong’s skin from his intoxication. His heart started to race and couldn’t help himself touching the skin with the tips of his fingers extending from the washcloth he held. Sicheng clearly remembered everything he had done to this body he so loved. His breath hitched when he accidentally grazed his finger on a pert nipple that he had to stop momentarily to catch his breath. What was he doing to himself. He should just be focusing and stop fantasizing. So he quickened his pace and finally reached the long lean legs. He performed it dutifully, blanking out any wild ideas that tempted and teased him. But one thought kept bugging him at the back of his head. Taeyong wasn’t Nayoung’s father. Then who was? More importantly, why did he claim to be the father if he wasn’t? What urged him to keep the secret? Was it because he really cared about Jandi? A dozen or so more questions ran through Sicheng’s brain while he performed his tedious undertaking. He desperately wanted some answers.

Plunking the wet washcloth in the basin Sicheng sighed heavily after completing his arduous task. He tugged the bed cover from under Taeyong and pulled the blanket up to Taeyong’s chin after propping a pillow under his head. He was so done looking at that lithe body that still affected him.

Sicheng stretched his back once more with a heavy sigh. This was the most he ever took care of Taeyong since he met him. Even more so than when they were together. While Taeyong on the other hand, always cared for him, nurtured him. Sicheng pursed his lips. He now realized he never really did anything much for Taeyong. He must have been such a rotten boyfriend. Well, he wasn’t Taeyong’s boyfriend any longer so good for him, thought Sicheng as he picked up the basin and put everything away back in the kitchen. As an afterthought, Sicheng reheated water in the electric thermos. He would need some of his mother’s strong earl grey after this.

Sicheng returned to his bedroom, disrobed and went into the shower. The hot spray hitting his body made him relax a little. He shampooed and soaped up a lather all over. It was a long day with a stressful ending. He promised to treat himself to that hot cup of tea right after his shower. He knew he had to sleep on the couch but he wasn’t abhorrent to the idea. He’d rather be farther away from the temptation lying cozily on his bed. He might just indulge himself with watching an awful movie to make himself fall asleep. With Taeyong in his room Sicheng knew it would be difficult to get any, much less proper sleep with the thought of his ex being so close. That, and the dozens of questions that kept nagging him. He wanted to talk to Taeyong but what was the point, really? They were no longer together. It didn’t matter if Taeyong wasn’t the father. It didn’t matter if he won’t be marrying Jandi after all. It was none of his business, he thought as he scrubbed his body vigorously with the sponge.

Just as he was starting to rinse himself off, Sicheng gave a start when the shower cubicle door slid open revealing a flushed Taeyong staring back at him with dark piercing eyes and an almost placid face. Sicheng gulped as he watched Taeyong’s eyes glide over his sleek wet body and lingered on his crotch. His heart hammered against his chest. There was no point in covering himself as he fought the urge to do so. But he hugged himself, more of in a defensive stance. Sicheng felt his cheeks turn into the color of overripe tomatoes.

“Tae-taeyong...what are you... you’re up.. why...” Sicheng stumbled for words as he watched Taeyong move closer, forcing him to back up against the green marble-tiled wall. One thing was certain though, Sicheng recognized the glint in Taeyong’s eyes well. _Longing...no, pure unadulterated lust_.

“Sicheng...”

“Taeyong no...please you’re drunk...”, Sicheng murmured as he felt his heart jump to his throat. _Taeyong wouldn’t...he couldn’t...would he dare kiss him? God knows I want him to..._

“Do you know how hard it has been for me to keep seeing you yet not able to touch you?”

“I...n-no,” Sicheng murmured his lie. “Please Taeyong, get out. We can talk after...”

“Do you know how angry you made me, leaving me like that?”

Taeyong, now also wet from the shower, was inches from Sicheng. Taeyong was so close to him that Sicheng could feel his body warmth and breath on his lips. Sicheng stared back at Taeyong. He looked so vulnerable yet desirable with driblets of water running down his face to his prominent jaws, his wet hair matting on his head, framing his dark eyes.

“You haunt me wherever I am,” Taeyong said softly. “You’re in my dreams too. Yes, I dream about you still, like how we were before. I still dream and think of kissing you, touching you. How much I want to make love to you.”

“P-please...” Sicheng groaned at the last thought. He wouldn’t admit it even to himself but he often imagined how it would be like to be with Taeyong. Even before they broke up. But he’d rather die before admitting it. “Get hold of yourself, Taeyong. You’re drunk and you won’t even remember any of this. Please get out!”

Taeyong didn’t seem to hear any of Sicheng’s words as he continued his tirade, eyes focused on Sicheng’s parted lips. “Won’t remember? How is that possible? I couldn’t stop thinking and remembering  how much you hurt me, yet I think about you day and night, still love you more than my life.”

Sicheng felt a pang in his chest. “I didn’t want to hurt you! I left you so you could have a better life, Taeyong! I recall telling you that.  Jandi could have given that to you. She loves you so mu-“

Sicheng was cut off and involuntarily gasped as Taeyong grabbed his hair and planted his palm on the wall at the other side of Sicheng’s head. “Don’t you ever mention that bitch’s name again. She ruined me, my life, my love. She lied to you to get me back to her good graces, thinking she can have me for herself. That’s not love, that’s greed. Didn’t you even realize that? She used me to suit her own needs. Can’t you see through her, Sicheng? She’s a lying, conniving, crazy bitch!”

Sicheng stared back at Taeyong’s glazed eyes glittering with anger through the shower mist. Sicheng could now also feel his own anger bubbling over the surface. He shoved Taeyong’s hand from his head.

“How could I have known it? How could I guess when you never let me know anything? I kept asking you about it. But no, you kept me in the dark. You never told me shit!” Sicheng exclaimed vehemently. “If you had explained it to me from the start none of this would have happened.”

“I did it to protect you. It was better you didn’t know that I wasn’t the father or Jandi would have come at you in a different way. She only thinks of herself now and I know, I made a mistake. But I can’t let anyone hurt you because of my secrets. I love you too much.”

Sicheng watched as Taeyong’s eyes soften a little. He knew he struck a cord with what he just said. Taeyong should know it wasn’t entirely Jandi’s fault and Sicheng wanted Taeyong to realize that.

“You practically lied to me too Taeyong. If you only told me everything from the start, I could have understood you. I could even have helped,” cried out Sicheng. “Love can’t live where there is no trust. I was blind and clueless the whole time.”

“No, this is something I have to be burdened with by myself. I can’t let you be tangled in this,” Taeyong said with more resolve. “There’s more to it than you know.”

“See how stubborn you are? If you really love me then you should tell me. Everything!”

“Even if it may hurt you in the end? I love you too much to risk losing you.” Taeyong laughed scornfully as he added, “Oh wait, I forgot, I already did.”

Sicheng glared at Taeyong. “Yes! Apart from you keeping things from me, you deserve a better future. A family. You should meet someone, a _woman_ , who can give you that. It’s not only about Jandi, it’s about me realizing you should live a happy life. You’re too kind, too caring and too good just for me. I still fucking love you more than anything , that’s why you lost me. I still want to be with you badly but you deserve better. I’m not the one for you.”

Taeyong placed his hands on both of Sicheng’s cheeks, his thumbs caressing the wet skin. Sicheng felt his heart thump wildly and he was so glad the water driblets hid his tears.

“What did you just say?” Taeyong said, eyes fixed on Sicheng’s. “Repeat what you just said.”

“I said you deserve better.”

“No,” Taeyong whispered. “The part where you said you _still_ fucking love me.”

“You heard me,” Sicheng said through misty eyes. “Yes, I still do. But that doesn’t matter. I don’t want you to be tied to me...”

“I do deserve better,” Taeyong said softly, interrupting Sicheng. “I deserve to be happy. To love and be loved. By _you_.”

“N-no, Taeyong. I...”

“Only you can bring happiness into my life, Sicheng. Only you can fill the void in my heart. No one else. You are the source of my joy, my only reason for living. Without you, nothing else matters. Who needs a...as you say... a family where there is no love? I’d rather die without you.”

“Taeyong...” Sicheng’s tears were flowing unchecked now, stinging his eyes. “We...I... I still love you so much but...you keep...”

Sicheng’s words were lost when Taeyong sought his lips hungrily. Sicheng tried to push Taeyong back but the long days without each other’s touch took it’s toll. Sicheng felt himself sucked into the whirlpool that was Taeyong. He succumbed to the feverish sensation of Taeyong’s lips on his and they tried to make it up with that single kiss filled with emotions. They moaned and sighed into each other’s mouths as their lips caressed each other, their tongues tasting the other. The ache for each other evident with every stroke of their lips and thrust of their tongues.

Sicheng felt his hands slide up Taeyong’s back, feeling the sleek skin as the water slid across it and pulled him even closer. Taeyong’s own hands slid down to Sicheng’s arms to settle on his waist, fingers digging into the flesh. Sicheng let out a sigh as Taeyong’s lips traveled down to his neck, biting the tender flesh and running his tongue along the side.

Sicheng shuddered and pulled Taeyong even closer, their bodies melding, Taeyong pushing Sicheng against the wall. Sicheng groaned as Taeyong pressed his crotch against his. He could feel his manhood hardening as it ground against Taeyong’s own erection through the wet cotton material. Sicheng couldn’t contain his desire any longer as he fumbled at the waistband of Taeyong’s boxers and the latter bit on Sicheng’s shoulders as the boxers slid off of him.

As the last scrap of barrier was removed, Sicheng could feel Taeyong’s body completely naked against him. It was an overwhelming sensation. This was the first time that they had done this and it sent Sicheng reeling. They always seemed to have the other at least partly clothed whenever something like this happened between them. And to have both of them feel the length of their body and skin touching the other was such a delightful novelty.

“Oh God, I missed you so much,” groaned Taeyong into Sicheng’s ear and traced the ridges with his tongue. Sicheng shuddered.

Warning signals went off in Sicheng’s head as Taeyong sought his lips once more. Sicheng was well aware that if something happened between them, it was inevitable that he’d return to Taeyong. But not without any clarity on Taeyong’s past. The questions in Sicheng’s head still screamed answers. With much effort, he pushed Taeyong back away from him.

“Stop!” Sicheng exclaimed as he moved away from Taeyong as the small space allowed. He turned off the shower and inched past the surprised Taeyong to step out. Sicheng tromped away and tried to grab a fresh towel from the rack. “This isn’t right...”

Taeyong followed suit and grabbed Sicheng by the arms before he could move any further.

“How can loving each other be wrong, Sicheng. Tell me why can’t you accept the fact that we are meant for each other?” Taeyong’s face spelled desperation. Sicheng let his eyes wander on the beautiful face filled with anguish. He needed to admit, Taeyong has been through so much and he was adding more to his pain. Sicheng felt a pang in his chest, but he had to make Taeyong realize that love needs to run on a two way street.

“We can’t be together if you keep things from me, Taeyong. As long as you do there won’t be any ‘us’.”

“If this is still about Jandi, I already told you she lied...”

“I realize that, but this isn’t only about Jandi anymore. This is about you disclosing everything to me for one. And another thing, you still deserve better than what I can offer,” Sicheng said adamantly.

“You say I’m stubborn but look at you insisting on what you think is better for me,” Taeyong began. “I know what I want, what I need in my life better than you. I only want you, Sicheng, not some fantasy family you seemed to have conjured in your head. I know I messed up with Jandi but that doesn’t mean I don’t have reasons for keeping things from you.”

“Then tell me for fuck’s sake!” Sicheng was at the boiling point now. How can Taeyong not realize he just wants to be a part of everything in his life, not only the present. He can’t deny feeling giddy over what Taeyong said that he wants only _him_. But he still needed answers.

Taeyong stared back at Sicheng’s glare, studying the expression on Sicheng’s face and sighed. “Alright, but you need to dry yourself up before you catch the chills and then I’ll have to warm you up the way you won’t agree to but will definitely enjoy.”

Sicheng rolled his eyes at Taeyong’s taunting. How could he tease him at a time like this, Sicheng thought as he grabbed two towels and shoved the other at Taeyong’s smirking face. Taeyong laughed.

 

They sat beside each other at the dining table, steaming hot mugs of black coffee in their hands. Sicheng decided to make coffee instead for Taeyong, whom he needed to be as normal as he could be given the circumstances. Sicheng looked at his companion sip the hot liquid languidly, a crease between his brows. He donned a shirt and track bottoms borrowed from Sicheng of course as did the latter. Sicheng sat patiently waiting for Taeyong to commence his ‘explanations’.

“I’d like to ask you something Sicheng,” Taeyong said apprehensively. “Before I tell you everything.”

“Yes, what is it?”

“Are you and Lia...”

Sicheng laughed, knowing fully well what Taeyong had in mind. “Lia and I are friends, Taeyong. She’s a tramp yes, but she’s just that. I got to like her company, surprisingly.”

“So, you two...”

“Are just friends, trying to make an ex-boyfriend be...discouraged.”

“You mean jealous.”

Sicheng sniggered. “I’m sorry Taeyong. You were following us around like a lost puppy, I had to find a way to make you hate me enough to leave me alone.”

Taeyong snorted. “It made things worse for me.”

“I’m really sorry,” Sicheng said earnestly. “I assure you my intentions were noble. Had I known that it would hurt you in a different way... But truly, were just friends.”

Taeyong nodded, satisfied with Sicheng’s candor.

“I honestly don’t know where to start, Sicheng,” disclosed Taeyong who stole a nervous glance at Sicheng.

“From the beginning?”

“It’s a long story...”

“I like long stories,” quipped Sicheng. “We have all night and the whole weekend.”

Taeyong sighed and took another sip of the bitter coffee before he began, “I met Jandi during middle school when she was being bullied by some girls. So I put a stop to it. I didn’t think we’d become friends at first, but we did. We were like siblings, to me at least. I was her protector, her big brother, even though she was a year older. I was always there for her whenever she needed me. Which was often, to say the least. Haejin didn’t really look out for his sister as much as I did. I guess it may have been the reason why Jandi fell for me.”

Taeyong drank more coffee and continued. “ Years passed and we became closer but to Jandi it was something else. She came onto me one night, tried to...uhm... anyways, I told her outright I didn’t see her any differently than my sister. She freaked out after that and from then on, I shied away from her a little. Tried to put a little distance.”

Taeyong looked into space as he brought himself back into the past while Sicheng listened to him quietly.

“I became obsessed with dance, so I worked with my dance instructor,” Taeyong drank the rest of the coffee and Sicheng re-filled his mug. “I was so invested in dancing that I flunked one of my subjects. The teacher, she’s no longer with our school, failed me but talked to me to come bring a make-up essay to her house, so I did. She...she...”

Sicheng noticed the tears welling in Taeyong’s eyes, which was a surprise. He felt a little guilty at forcing Taeyong to spill the beans and reached out to touch his hand. “I didn’t realize this will be very difficult for you, Taeyong. I’m sorry... if you want...”

“No, I think I need this,” Taeyong smiled at Sicheng and held his hand. “ _We_ need this. No more secrets.”

Sicheng smiled back encouragingly and squeezed Taeyong’s hand.

Taeyong cleared his throat before drinking more from the mug. “She kissed me and groped at me while she tried to undress me. I told her to stop, that she was my teacher but...she told me I can only pass the subject if... if... I had sex with her.”

Sicheng gasped, “oh my God... I’m...I’m sorry you had to go through that Taeyong.”

Taeyong smiled and said, “ It’s fine, I’m sorry I just got caught up with...”

Sicheng squeezed Taeyong’s hand once more.

“Anyway, I pushed her and stormed out of the house. I thought at the time, I’d be alright repeating the subject with a different teacher. But Jandi followed me that night without me knowing and she was sitting by the steps outside the house waiting for me.”

Taeyong downed the warm coffee before he continued on. “She put two and two together and went straight to the school principal. The teacher was fired and I was given a passing mark by the principal after submitting the essay. So, I felt I owed Jandi for what she did. Of course she never let me forget that.”

“I think I see where this is going...” Sicheng whispered, more to himself. Taeyong nodded in agreement.

“Jandi used that to get what she needed from me. You would think all the time I’ve been helping her she would have thought it was enough re-payment for everything I did for her but Jandi became greedy. I know I became tied to her for that. So one evening last year, she came to me crying and drunk asking for my help. She...had a relationship going on with one of the substitute teachers. Well, as you know she got pregnant. She asked...begged me to pretend to be the father because she knew that if they were found out, she might not graduate that year. And if she told her family it was her teacher who was the father, they would punish her instead.”

“Wait...I’m confused,” Sicheng interrupted. “I’m sorry but why would you agree to something like this? It was you who got punished. You got hurt!”

“I’ve been asking that myself for the longest time. I...”

“You’re just too kind,” Sicheng stated as a matter-of-fact. “I’m in love with a person with a big heart.”

Taeyong smiled and kissed Sicheng’s hand. Sicheng blushed and to hide his embarrassment he said, “so Jandi’s brother, I presume, found out you were supposedly the father and beat you to a pulp. And Jandi, being the asshole that she is didn’t even tell her brother the truth.”

“That sums it all up somewhat. Except Jandi kept threatening me that she’ll tell the principal that I was the one who assaulted the teacher if I didn’t help her this time around.”

“That’s it, I’m going to wring her neck,” Sicheng declared, exasperated. “I really can’t wrap my brain around you being too nice, Taeyong. You need to realize people will use you if you’re too kind to them.”

“I know, I learned that lesson too late. I would have wrung her neck myself but...she already graduated anyway and I don’t think the principal will believe her now.”

 Silence ensued for a few moments until Sicheng broke it by saying, “Haejin should know the truth. Jandi should tell her brother.”

“No, Sicheng. If Haejin finds out, Jandi might come after me and you. She knows how much I love you and how important you are to me. She’s not in her right mind,” Taeyong said worriedly. “It’s better off this way. Who knows, things might work out for the better when time comes.”

“And when do you think that will be, Taeyong? When Jandi squeezed out everything she can out of you? This isn’t right,” Sicheng said shaking his head. He still can’t believe how Jandi used Taeyong to the extent of his getting hurt. “She says she loves you but doesn’t care that you were hurt by her brother.”

“She’s scared of her brother too. I know for a fact that Haejin was being treated for anger issues.”

“You can say that again,” Sicheng retorted and sighed. He looked at Taeyong and saw droopy eyes, reddened by drinking and tiredness and his shoulders were down as he slumped on the chair. Sicheng stood and took both mugs and placed them in the sink. “Come on, I’m putting you to bed. You’re exhausted and you’ve had a rough day.”

Sicheng took Taeyong’s hand in his and pulled him out of the chair. Taeyong obliged as Sicheng led him to the bedroom and gave Taeyong a little shove towards the bed.

“Go on, get some rest and a good sleep.”

Taeyong faced Sicheng and said with pleading eyes, “do you mind... can you sleep with me? I...just want to feel you close to me when I sleep. Just that, nothing more.”

Sicheng gave Taeyong a long hard look and thought how Taeyong must be feeling so down that moment and needed the comforting presence of someone who cared for him and understood him. He knew he should give Taeyong at least that, for telling him everything even if it cost him emotional strain.

“Alright,” Sicheng agreed. “I’ll just lock up and shut off the lights. I’ll follow you to bed.”

Sicheng watched Taeyong as he slid under the covers and left the bedroom to do the routine chores before turning in for the night.

He returned to the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He turned off the lamp on the nightstand and lay down beside Taeyong. Sicheng immediately felt Taeyong’s arms snake around his waist and threw a leg over his as Taeyong lay his head on Sicheng’s shoulder. It felt warm and comforting. He stroked Taeyong’s hair. He must admit how much he missed it. “Sleep well, Taeyong.”

“I love you, Sicheng. I love you so much,” Taeyong said gruffly, his voice filled with emotion.

“I love you too,” Sicheng replied after a short, hesitant pause.

“Sicheng...are you...will you be mine again?”

“Yes, Taeyong. I was always yours. You own my heart. Now go to sleep,” Sicheng murmured before kissing Taeyong soundly on the head.

Sicheng felt Taeyong give him a light squeeze and nodded in agreement after giving Sicheng a little kiss on the neck. Not long after, he felt regular deep breaths from the sleeping Taeyong. Sicheng’s heart went out to the boy in his arms. He had a tough time because of Jandi’s selfishness. How Taeyong endured, he could never fathom. But one thing was for sure. He had to find a way to fix this problem. For he only saw Jandi as that. A problem. Sicheng fell asleep with thoughts on how to murder Jandi.

***

 

_Sicheng tread lightly on the concrete alleyway through a thick fog that impaired his vision. He could see no more than a foot ahead of him. The moonlight didn’t help as it dully illuminated the dark and narrow alley. Sicheng wondered why he took this route but he knew he had to meet Taeyong somewhere nearby._

_Sicheng wrinkled his nose at the dank smell as he passed by a garbage bin. He really should have taken the main street. He shrugged and continued on. Better walk faster now. He didn’t want to meet any muggers around here. It was isolated and he felt it was already past midnight._

_Through the fog he saw a dark silhouette heading towards him. He felt shivers down his spine as he saw the knife glinting under the muted lights held by the ominous figure. He stopped on his tracks. He was certain it was meant for hurting someone...or him._

_“Hello...please, I mean you no harm. Please don’t hurt me.”_

_The figure continued to walk towards him and as the moonlight shone over the face, Sicheng recognized it with fear. Jandi. She had hate painted all over her face and with a snarled, “I’m coming for you, Sicheng! You stole him from me!”_

_“No!” Sicheng walked backwards, trying to avoid his attacker._

_Jandi was over a foot away from him now, aiming for his guts with the knife. Sicheng started to run away but as Jandi was about to thrust out the knife to stab him, out of nowhere, Taeyong stepped in front of him to protect him, intending to take the hit instead. Jandi raised the knife._

_Sicheng wailed, “NO!”_

Sicheng jolted from his sleep. Not another bad dream. He blamed himself for thinking murderous thoughts before he slept as he ran his trembling hands through his hair.

“Hey, what’s wrong,” Taeyong turned the lamp on and pulled Sicheng close to him, caressing his cheek. “Was it a bad dream?”

Sicheng couldn’t speak and merely trembled, nodding in response.

“Wait here, I’ll get you some water.”

Taeyong extricated himself from Sicheng and went for the kitchen. Sicheng glanced at the time. 1:27AM, barely past the middle of the night and he was awoken, disturbing Taeyong’s sleep. He grimaced and thought he needs to get Jandi out of his head.

Taeyong returned a moment later with a glass and a pitcher of water, interrupting Sicheng’s train of thought. He filled the glass and handed it to Sicheng who then sat up.

“Here, drink this,” Taeyong said as he sat beside Sicheng and put his arm around his waist, watching the latter drink. “Feel better?”

Sicheng nodded and handed the glass with some water left to Taeyong who then drank up the rest before placing the glass beside the pitcher on the nightstand.

Taeyong lay down on the bed, pulling Sicheng close to him while wrapping his arms around him. Sicheng placed his head on Taeyong’s shoulder and hugged him, feeling comforted by Taeyong’s hand rubbing his back.

“You want to tell me about it?”

Sicheng didn’t want to trouble Taeyong, knowing that it would only bother him. “No, I’m... it’s okay.”

“You worry me, Sicheng,” Taeyong said as he lifted Sicheng’s chin to look at his face. Sicheng gazed back into those dark brown eyes he so adored and lost himself in them, finding the solace he required.

Taeyong’s eyes slid down to Sicheng’s parted lips. Sicheng could feel his heart hammering against his chest as he felt the overwhelming desire for Taeyong, how he misses his soft lips against his.

“K-kiss me,” Sicheng whispered softly.

Taeyong lowered his head and sought Sicheng’s lips. Their kiss was filled with tenderness and longing. Their lips pressing and caressing each other as if time never passed and they had the whole world to themselves.

Sicheng sighed as their kiss deepened with their mounting passion and their tongues met to taste and explore. Taeyong shifted Sicheng so that he lay on top of him, pressing Taeyong against the soft mattress. Sicheng felt Taeyong’s hands slide down to his pelvic area and pressed it against his growing erection. Sicheng took the initiative to press harder against Taeyong, to feel the lithe body underneath him as he let his lips slide down from Taeyong’s lips to his throat, running his tongue along its smoothness.

Taeyong pulled at Sicheng’s tee to take it off and let his hands wander all over Sicheng’s body. Sicheng groaned as Taeyong’s lips found the crook of his neck and nibbled on the soft flesh. Taeyong pushed Sicheng back up to sit on top of him while he lifted himself up to a sitting position and pulled off his own shirt. He then let his lips wander all over Sicheng’s chest, from the collarbones to the little dips on his shoulders and lower till he found Sicheng’s nipple. Sicheng moaned and arched his back against Taeyong’s lips as the latter nibbled and let his tongue tweak the now pert nipple. Sicheng held onto Taeyong’s shoulders as he slowly ground his crotch against Taeyong’s by instinct.

 Sicheng gasped when Taeyong’s hand slid inside his waistband, enclosing on his now hardened shaft and fondled it. Sicheng grabbed Taeyong’s hair as the latter continued to kiss and nibble on his other nipple.

“Taeyong...”

Taeyong grabbed Sicheng and almost roughly threw him on the bed and rolled over so that this time he was on top. He then pulled down Sicheng’s pants and boxers, then took off his own remaining clothing before he rejoined Sicheng.

They both sighed and moaned at the feel of their naked bodies, grinding and grazing each other while Taeyong kissed Sicheng on the mouth once more, lustily and hungrily. Their undeniable passion growing, feeding an insatiable need for sensual satisfaction.

Taeyong let his mouth trail downward once more, from Sicheng’s neck down to his abdomen, nipping on the ridges and contours of Sicheng’s lean body, till he reached Sicheng’s inner thighs.  Sicheng’s eyes widened and cried out when Taeyong held his manhood and tentatively touched it’s head with his tongue, letting it circle around the tip.

“Oh m-my God...Taeyong...”, Sicheng groaned and writhed as Taeyong continued to lick his hard shaft. Sicheng watched as Taeyong took him into his mouth and started sucking on it making him shudder. Never had he felt anything like it. The moistness of Taeyong’s warm mouth felt so erotic and pleasurable that he could never have imagined it when he did it for Taeyong. But now he was on the receiving end, it felt like he would go insane. He was delirious with arousal while he squirmed against the mattress, grabbing Taeyong’s hair and thrusting involuntarily into Taeyong’s mouth. His breath hitched when Taeyong started sliding his mouth upwards and downwards on his manhood. The sensation was almost intolerably pleasurable making Sicheng wail and moan constantly. He could feel his orgasm coming quickly.

“T-taeyong... s-stop..I’m so c-close...p-please stop...” Sicheng exclaimed between sharp intakes of breath while he tried to pull up Taeyong.

Taeyong paid no heed and continued his sucking and licking until Sicheng could no longer bear it. He came into Taeyong’s mouth, filling it with his seed, while the latter continued to suck and lick with Sicheng arching his body and trembled from immense pleasure.

When the spasms subsided, Taeyong stood up and pulled out wet wipes from the nightstand and cleaned up Sicheng’s secretions from them while the latter lay spent and reeling from what he had just experienced.

Taeyong returned to Sicheng’s side and kissed him on the mouth thoroughly. Sicheng could taste his own musky seed and found it a little kinky, kissing Taeyong back fervently as he wrapped his arms around him.

Sicheng pushed back Taeyong and let him lie on his back. Sicheng let his lips traverse down Taeyong’s jaw to his soft neck, letting his tongue graze over the smooth skin. Taeyong sighed as Sicheng planted soft kisses along his lithe body, especially when he reached the nipple. Taeyong held Sicheng closer, fingers digging into Sicheng’s back while the latter bit and nipped on his nipples. Then Sicheng’s mouth went lower, leaving a trail of wet kisses on Taeyong’s abdomen until he reached what he sought for.

Taeyong let out a moan as Sicheng took his throbbing manhood in his mouth, sucking on it hard. He savored Taeyong’s taste in his mouth as he let his mouth slide along it’s length and let his tongue play around it. Taeyong grabbed onto the sheets for dear life as Sicheng continued to suck and lick.

“Sicheng...”

A thought occurred to him as Sicheng felt Taeyong’s shaft inside his mouth, the wonderful feel of his beloved intimately. His gaze locked with Taeyong as he licked the head with the tip of his tongue. His desire was strong, his yearning needed to be satiated. He wanted something more. Needed something else. He decided now was a better time more than ever.

He crawled up and kissed Taeyong on the mouth, tracing his lips with his wet tongue. Then he whispered into Taeyong’s ear with a husky voice dripping with lust, “make love to me, Taeyong.”

He felt Taeyong gasp and choke on his own breath. “Wh-what did you just s-say?”

“You heard me,” Sicheng said as he locked eyes with Taeyong. “I want you.”

“S-Sicheng...are you sure?” Taeyong gulped nervously in anticipation and Sicheng smiled naughtily.

“I’ve never been more sure in my life. I love you Taeyong.”

“You...” Taeyong licked his lips and continued, “you must know Sicheng, I’ve never... I haven’t...you know... I’m...”

Sicheng’s mouth fell open. “Are you saying... you’re a virgin too?”

Taeyong suddenly blushed and retorted, “of course I am. Did you think I slept around? I haven’t had any relationships except with you. But I’ll be honest with you, I’ve thought about it ever since my sister mentioned it.”

“So did I.”

They held each other’s gaze filled with love and wonder. Sicheng was surprised but no longer shocked as he recalled things, little telltale signs of Taeyong’s innocence. They were so alike, kindred spirits.

Sicheng kissed Taeyong sweetly and they held each other tightly.

After a moment, Sicheng parted from Taeyong’s lips and said decidedly, “I still want you. You’ll be my first and I yours.”

“But...”

“Don’t you want to?” Sicheng asked with a little pout. “Your sister agreed...”

Taeyong had to laugh at that. “Yes, she did.”

“Then...”

Taeyong’s stare became more serious as his eyes darkened with desire. Sicheng felt his heart race as their lips locked in a passionate kiss. Taeyong rolled Sicheng over with him on top once again, kissing Sicheng all over, his neck and down to his nipples. Sicheng could feel his erection growing, more so with anticipation as Taeyong began kissing his body.

Taeyong halted for a moment to rummage through the drawer and found the lubricant. Sicheng watched with excitement as Taeyong lubricated his fingers then himself. Sicheng knew Taeyong was also a little nervous as he was but the promise of feeling joy from being with his beloved was greater.

Taeyong lay on top of Sicheng and kissed him wetly. Sicheng moaned throatily as he felt Taeyong’s finger tease his orifice. It gave him such pleasure that he bit on Taeyong’s lips while his fingers clawed into Taeyong’s back. Taeyong left his mouth to nibble on his earlobe.

Sicheng gasped and squirmed as he felt the finger slowly inch inside him. “G-god, Taeyong...”

“Does it hurt?” Taeyong asked softly in his ear.

“No, it feels...so nice...”

Taeyong watched Sicheng’s face as he pushed in deeper this time, his long finger accidentally hitting Sicheng’s sweet spot.

“Oh f-fu...oh my..” Sicheng was delirious with pleasure as he felt the sleek finger inside his tight hole.  He arched his back as Taeyong slowly thrust his finger in and out of Sicheng. “G-god Taeyong, where did you learn... aahhh...”

Sicheng saw Taeyong blush profusely as he said, “shut up and just feel me.”

Sicheng had to smile. He knew then from where Taeyong picked up his ‘knowledge’. But his smile was erased as he felt Taeyong push in another finger and he gasped as he was stretched around the fingers. He felt a little bit of pain but the pleasure overrode it as Taeyong kept hitting his prostate with his long bony fingers, making him moan and bite his lip. Taeyong’s gaze was fixated on Sicheng’s lips as the latter licked and bit his own lips in between moans while Taeyong slid his fingers inside him, thrusting slowly.

“Taeyong...”

Taeyong took it as a signal and pulled out his fingers. He settled on top of Sicheng between the latter's legs and aimed his manhood at Sicheng’s orifice. Slowly, he eased himself into Sicheng as gently as he could. They both gasped at the sensation. Taeyong lay fully on top of Sicheng and nuzzled his hair.

“Sicheng...God, this feels so...tight..oh God...”

Sicheng could only bite into Taeyong’s shoulder. The mixture of pleasure and pain sent him mindless. It felt so erotic and sensual and Sicheng cried out as Taeyong pushed in deeper. Their breaths were erratic and Sicheng let out a guttural sound as Taeyong penetrated him fully. They lay there, panting, arms locked around each other as they kissed lustily. Taeyong inside him felt like a piece of heaven for Sicheng. Even as they lay still, kissing and moaning it was so amatory to Sicheng and he felt the pain slowly pass as he became accustomed to the sensation.

“Taeyong...”

Slowly, Taeyong started thrusting into Sicheng and it sent the two of them to pleasurable heights they have never reached before. They kissed and bit in between their moaning and groaning as Taeyong quickened the pace. Sicheng felt tears stinging in his eyes and they fell unchecked as he wailed in the throes of passion, the delectable sensation of Taeyong’s member inside him touched him both physically and emotionally. He felt so much love for Taeyong as they moved in unison, locked in a tight embrace. Taeyong kissed Sicheng’s tears away as they felt their union take them away to a world beyond, where only the two of them existed.

Sicheng felt himself close to orgasm, with Taeyong’s abdomen pressing against his erect shaft and the friction caused while he thrust inside Sicheng brought intense delight. He writhed underneath Taeyong as he felt the spasms and groaned as his seed spilled between their bodies. Taeyong kissed Sicheng, their tongues meeting and caressing as he shuddered and came inside Sicheng.

They lay still, trying to catch their breaths as Taeyong eased himself out of Sicheng. They kissed tenderly, a sweet ending to their beautiful union.

“Are you feeling alright?” Taeyong asked moments later.

Sicheng smiled into Taeyong’s eyes and said, “I’ve never felt so alive. A little sore, but... It was...divine.”

Taeyong gazed at Sicheng's glowing face and smiled mischievously. “Then, can we do it again?”

Sicheng gave him a sucker punch in the ribs and they laughed and kissed. Sicheng had never felt so much love since they met. He never knew making love with Taeyong would make his feelings for him grow even stronger than ever. He watched Taeyong adoringly as the latter cleaned them off and returned to Sicheng's awaiting arms.

“You’re all mine now,” Sicheng whispered huskily, pulling Taeyong closer to him.

“So are you,” Taeyong replied throatily and kissed Sicheng tenderly while he tugged at the covers, burying them underneath it.

They held each other tightly, kissing and caressing gently, limbs entangled, letting the other know how much they loved each other. Sicheng felt it was the happiest, most glorious moment in his life and smiled as he burrowed into the crook of Taeyong’s neck. He was back in Taeyong’s arms. Right where he belonged. He stole another glance at his love and smiled when Taeyong kissed his nose and they settled down, spent but sated as sleep slowly came upon them.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, i'm sorry this update took so long...thank you for patiently waiting. i had so much stuff going on that i couldn't write sooner. anyway, i hope you liked this very long chapter lol. but they're finally back together! hallelujah! :D  
> we're nearing the end of this taewin story and i feel a little emo. this is the first fic i've ever written so it's my favorite and i hope you all enjoyed reading it. thank you for bearing with my potato writing lol... y'all have a good one! :))
> 
> \- ice


	17. The Sacrifice

 

 

 

Taeyong felt bliss when he was with Sicheng and in the past few months since they got back together, nothing else mattered to him except happiness and the love they felt for one another, cherishing every moment, every kiss, every touch. Taeyong felt the longer he spent his time with Sicheng, the deeper their love grew for each other.

On their sixth month anniversary, Taeyong surprised Sicheng with a platinum chained locket with a photo of him and Sicheng in a tight embrace, his chin resting on Sicheng’s shoulder and the Han River as their backdrop. Lia took the photo without their knowledge and she sent it to Taeyong's phone, teasing them that they looked like actors in a movie poster. Sicheng was almost in tears looking at the photo inside the locket. From then on, he wore it every single day. Later that evening, Sicheng gave Taeyong a gift that took him to greater heights of ecstasy. Taeyong remembered feeling stiff with back pains for days because of their little adventure in the stairwell at their condominium building with Sicheng riding him.

However Taeyong also learned that despite the immense love two people had for one another, a relationship can never be perfect. There were times when the smallest and pettiest of things could be the start of a disagreement between them and it infuriated Taeyong. Luckily their arguments never lasted and making up afterwards made everything worthwhile.

Such was the case today, when Taeyong was unhappy that Sicheng allowed Lia to tag along when they decided to watch a movie. Lia clung onto Sicheng’s arm when something scared her and Taeyong would clench his fist trying not to react with his jealousy.

He was just grateful that Jandi finally kept her distance from him and Sicheng, keeping Taeyong’s fury at the minimum with Lia instead. He was still bristling as they walked out of the movie theater into the cool late autumn evening, nostrils flaring. Sicheng kept on stealing glances at Taeyong with Lia at their heels.

“Ugh! When you two lovebirds are done fighting, follow me to where we parked the car earlier, I’ll wait for you in there,” Lia said exasperated as she tromped off complaining about the distance of their parking spot from CGV in Daehangno.

Taeyong stole a surprised glance at Sicheng, noting how the street lights cast shadows on his lover’s face defining his profile. “How come she knows about us? Did you...”

Sicheng sighed and said, “she figured it out for herself a while back. She’s a smart girl you know.”

Taeyong snorted. “If she’s smart enough then she’d know that I hate it when she’s all clingy to you.”

Sicheng smiled and entwined his fingers with Taeyong’s then brought them to his mouth, brushing the soft skin with his lips. “I’m sorry, Lia wanted to come watch the movie too and I couldn’t say no.”

Taeyong rolled his eyes and said, “you’re spoiling her. That’s why she acts this way knowing she’ll have her way every time she pouts.”

“You’re more spoiled than her, Taeyong. Besides, her pouting doesn’t affect me as much as when you do,” Sicheng whispered slyly in his ear and added, “I’ll make it up to you later. My parents are away for the weekend.”

“Again?” Taeyong asked feigning frustration but failed to hide the tinge of excitement in his tone at the thought of spending the night with Sicheng alone. “So how do you plan to make it up then?”

Sicheng smiled and pulled him to the nearest darker alley and threw his arms around Taeyong’s neck before planting a short wet kiss on the latter’s lips.

“Shouldn’t we follow Lia to the car now?” Taeyong teased Sicheng with a smile.

“Let her wait. I'm busy,” was the husky reply of Sicheng and gave Taeyong another enthralling kiss.

"You're such a tease," Taeyong said later and bit Sicheng in the neck.

Sicheng laughed and planted a wet kiss on Taeyong's cheek while the latter smiled, taking his phone out to take a selfie of them while Sicheng wrapped his arms around Taeyong’s waist. Sicheng felt his own phone vibrate as Taeyong sent the photo and smiled at Taeyong.

Taeyong had no qualms when he responded to Sicheng’s kiss on his mouth with wanton desire. He missed Sicheng having been busy all week with their school activities, more so since they had just completed their exams before the school break.

They were lost in their own world, unaware of the trio approaching them menacingly, lurking in the shadows behind them.

 

Lia shook her head bemused at her friends, pink and purple ribbons in her hair rippled with her movements, as she strode away towards her car. _Friends._ Surprisingly she indeed considered them now as such despite their occasional rude treatment. Lia had to admit even with Taeyong’s idiosyncrasies he had an endearing character one couldn’t help but adore. His childlike innocence often made her wonder if Taeyong failed to mature to suit his age. She thrived on teasing the boy till he was red with fury, large puppy eyes glistening. Lia sniggered, knowing Taeyong hated her for being so physical with and clingy to Sicheng but couldn’t do a thing to protest.

It was a wonder that she had found friendship in the pair, first with Sicheng, where her intentions initially were romantically inclined. Eventually she came to like Taeyong as well, despite the boy’s acrid comments and dagger looks he sent her way. Well, it was her fault anyway with the way she behaved when they were in Paju. Taeyong’s jealousy was well placed indeed, but she had no idea that they were in a relationship. Who would have freaking known, she thought in amazement.

Deep in thought she caught her breath when her face slammed into a hard, thick chest. “Umph... will you watch where you’re going, jerk?”

“Shouldn’t I be saying that bitch?”

Lia raised her eyes to meet Haejin’s dark glittering ones and she shuddered, feeling minuscule at facing the tall boy who reeked of alcohol. “I..sorry I didn’t see...”

“Be thankful I’m in a hurry or I would have caused you to flounder about on the pavement right now,” Haejin spat through his teeth, eyes squinting angrily at her. “Now beat it!”

“Come on Haejin, she’s not on our agenda tonight,” the taller crony said excitedly.

“Yeah, we might not catch the two twinks we’re about to pulverize,” the shorter, stockier one rejoined.

Haejin’s two companions sneered at her as Lia hurried away, grateful that she wasn’t pounded into a pulp. That bully had a reputation of being unmerciful. Luck must have been with her that evening, excluding the fact that she had to walk three blocks from the movie theater to the only available parking space.

Lia huffed, upset at her being fazed by three mean-looking muscular towers. She walked onward, until she finally reached her car. Unlocking it she hopped onto the driver seat and waited for the two, muttering under her breath about bullies going to hell. Those three had been a school menace for so long it was a wonder they haven’t been expelled. Luckily she won’t be seeing them next year being seniors. At least her final year in school would hopefully be peaceful.

Sighing as she squirmed in her seat while tapping her fingers impatiently on the steering wheel. “Where the hell are they?” Lia murmured and felt something was amiss. Something that those three said bothered her.

Then it slowly dawned on her. Lia’s eyes widened in fear when she recalled Sicheng dragging her to rescue Taeyong at the mall a few months back, explaining that Haejin had a beef with Taeyong.

“Oh my God, they said _pulverize two twinks_ ,” Lia exclaimed. “Could they mean...no...oh God. Would they really hurt Sicheng and Taeyong?!”

Lia recalled how Haejin kept poking at Taeyong and the way he snarled at her friend convinced her that he was capable of inflicting great pain.

Instinct instructed Lia that she check on her friends so Lia took out her phone and tried calling Sicheng but he didn’t pick up. Taeyong’s phone just kept ringing as well. “Something is terribly wrong.”

Lia felt her heart jump up to her throat in worry as she grabbed her purse and got out of the car to walk back from whence she came from with a sense of foreboding. Her friends might need her help. She dialed 119.

 

“Well, look what we have here. I hate to break up your making out party Taeyong, but my knuckles are itching to land on your face,” Haejin’s voice boomed through the deserted and dark alleyway.

Taeyong froze and he broke free of Sicheng’s embrace, heart hammering in fear as his eyes fell on the snarling face of Haejin. More for Sicheng than for himself. “Sicheng, go to the car. Now.”

“Ah-aah...not so fast,” the taller boy said while he popped his knuckles.

Taeyong shielded Sicheng protectively, pulling the latter behind him. “Haven’t you had enough? Hasn’t claiming Jandi’s child and you beating me up satisfy you yet that you have to come for more?”

“Who said I was satisfied with a few broken bones? You are going to receive more pain for ruining my family’s honor. I have my reputation to uphold, dick.”

“Honor? There’s not a thread of honor in your body nor your sister’s,” Sicheng chided with a defiant glint in his eyes.

“Sicheng, no,” Taeyong whispered. “Run. Now, please.”

“I’m not leaving you behind,” Sicheng protested and held onto Taeyong's arm tightly.

One moment Haejin was a few feet away, the next Sicheng was on the ground groaning after being struck on the face with Haejin looking down on him. Haejing then began kicking the fallen Sicheng in his middle with all his might, making Sicheng writhe in pain.

“No!” Taeyong cried out and tried to pull Haejin away from Sicheng but it was like uprooting a huge tree.

Haejin turned to Taeyong and pushed him aside to tumble down the ground. Taeyong failed to count the number of times Haejin kicked Sicheng. He stared at Sicheng’s crumpled form in horror as panic tried to overtake him. He must protect Sicheng from harm. How, he had no clear thought yet. “Don’t hurt him, please. He has nothing to do with this. Let him go Haejin, I beg you. I’ll do anything for you just let Sicheng go.”

Haejin threw his head back in scornful laughter then held Taeyong’s eyes. Haejin had amusement on his face as he dug out brass knuckles from his back pocket and wore them on his right hand, wriggling his fingers excitedly before clenching it into a fist. Haejin then motioned to his two comrades to restrain Sicheng with his instruction, “hold him.” Then to Taeyong, Haejin spat thru gritted teeth, ”I’m going to hurt you like you hurt my pride and my reputation, you wimp. You have some nerve to ask anything from me. This isn’t only for Jandi but for me becoming an uncle of a bastard. All because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants and too scared to marry my sister after knocking her up.”

Taeyong felt Haejin grab him by his shirt and his body slamming against the brick wall and head thumping against it. Taeyong barely had time to see the stars floating behind his eyelids when Haejing grabbed the back of his neck and an iron clad fist landed on his diaphragm, knocking the wind out of him. Taeyong doubled over in pain and tried to suck in some much needed air, hugging himself in vain protection as a series of blows followed the first one that struck him. He felt a popping on his rib cage and began feeling faint, his vision blurring momentarily. This was good though, Taeyong thought. Better him than Sicheng and Taeyong prayed that his beloved would come to and run to safety as he was finally able to focus and stole a glance at the gradually stirring form now held up by the two other assailants on either arm. _Run Sicheng, please wake up and run. Break free and run._

The punch that landed on Taeyong’s jaw sent him reeling and stumbling back he could barely hold himself up. The rusty taste of blood coated his tongue from his busted lower lip. The world swam before his eyes from immense pain in his chest and abdomen, suspecting he broke another rib or two. But he didn’t complain and looked Haejin in the eye.

"Go ahead, do what you want to me!" Taeyong spat, thinking he must take all the blows to protect Sicheng and keep Haejin's attention on himself. Taeyong closed his eyes, willing it to happen. But Haejin didn’t take the bait.

“I know what you’re thinking, you little wimp. You thought you can distract me so your pretty little boyfriend won’t get hurt, huh? Well I got news for you. I know how to grant you the torture of seeing a loved one getting hurt, wishing it were you instead. Just like how I feel for my family you dick.”

Taeyong swallowed hard while witnessing the mocking smile painted on Haejin’s face. He knew what he meant when Haejin turned his back and addressed his cohorts, “hold Taeyong instead. I’m taking care of his boyfriend.”

Taeyong’s face turned a pale white as he tried to kick and strike at the two boys who were struggling to restrain him by holding both his arms. But Taeyong felt it was a losing battle flailing about, for the two boys were strong and heavily built. His fists were nothing like theirs that seemed to be wrought from iron barely grazing their chests and faces. Taeyong was close to hysteria as he watched the unsteady Sicheng crumple to the ground as Haejin’s fist landed on Sicheng’s eye and followed by another blow on the chin, drawing blood each time as the brass knuckles landed on Sicheng. Sicheng fell backward weakened and groaning as Haejin kicked the boy repeatedly, boots landing wherever he aimed it.

“Noooo,” wailed Taeyong, tears streaking down his cheeks. “Please, leave him alone!”

Haejin took no heed as he continued to beat and kick the already barely conscious Sicheng. Taeyong was filled with dread as he watched the scene before him. His was breathing heavily and his heart beating wildly as he trembled and cried out, begging Haejin to stop but to no avail.

Taeyong caught his breath, frozen when he saw Haejin take out a gun tucked in the back of his waist. He wouldn’t dare use it, would he? “Haejin, p-please, don’t...”

Taeyong struggled to be let go as the two friends of Haejin shared worried glances at Haejin then at each other. The shorter boy said with a nervous tone in his voice, “hey man, are you seriously gonna use that?”

“Haejin, this isn’t right...I mean that gun,” chided the other taller and stockier boy. “We could be jailed for...using a gun.”

“Shut up you cowards. Don’t you try to stop me,” Haejin warned menacingly. “Leave if you’re both scared you shitheads.”

“I...I don’t think I can do this anymore dude,” the shorter boy said, letting go of Taeyong and tried to approach Haejin to pacify him. “Come on. We’ve done enough already, right?”

“Yeah, dude. Let’s go-“

“This is crazy, Haejin! Let’s go, before you regret this.”

Haejin’s eyes glittered, crazed and filled with hatred as he glared at his cronies, aiming the gun at them. “Beat it! Now, or I’ll shoot you both in the head.”

The two scrambled away from the alley in fear, after the other boy also disengaged himself from Taeyong who wobbled on his knees when he suddenly let go of him. Taeyong sobbed and looked at Sicheng. Taeyong stared wide-eyed at the gun as Haejin aimed it at Sicheng. _No, this isn’t happening...Oh God, Sicheng..._

“You don’t deserve happiness, Taeyong. I’ll make sure of that by taking the person you love the most from you,” Haejin spat. “I’ve seen the way you look at this boy and how you treat Jandi because of him. Say goodbye to your lover.”

Haejin lost his mind. It was the only logical explanation Taeyong could think of. He cannot, for the life of him understand what was going on in Haejin’s head and his rationale at best was insane. Crazed or not, Haejin was dangerous and Taeyong was trembling in fear for Sicheng. His heart stopped when Haejin looked down on Sicheng with a wild glint in his eyes.

When Haejin cocked the gun and pointed it at Sicheng who seemed to have finally come to his senses, Taeyong saw the terror in his eyes when Sicheng saw the weapon directed at him. Sicheng tried to back away from Haejin, crawling backwards with much difficulty, trying to push himself away from Haejin with his heels and elbows. That split second was all he needed when he realized what he had to do. There was no question whether protecting Sicheng was of import or not. Nothing in this world was more important than his beloved and Taeyong would do anything to protect Sicheng. Including sacrificing himself.

Taeyong no longer felt afraid.

 

The echoes of a gunshot rang throughout the night.

Lia froze on her tracks when she heard the shot and felt chills run down her spine. Heart pounding, she ran the rest of the way to where the sound came from and spotted Haejin running away from the alley nearest the movie theater. She sped towards the alley and gasped audibly, hands flying involuntarily to her mouth as she witnessed the scene before her. “Oh my God...no...”

Taeyong was lying on his side, barely conscious while blood seeped out through his shirt and coat, moaning Sicheng’s name while the latter tried to reach for Taeyong by crawling on his belly, seemingly ignoring the pain and discomfort.

Lia felt tears stinging in her eyes as she approached the two injured boys. Her throat constricted as she knelt beside Taeyong and gingerly tried to press on the wound on his side. He was losing a lot of blood.

“T-tae...yong...” Sicheng sobbed, breath ragged and bruised face now tear streaked. “My love,” whispered Sicheng when he finally was able to sit up and took his lover in his arms. “D-don’t leave me...you’ll...be fine. We’ll be... fine.”

“It’s...everything will be fine Sicheng, I...called 119,” Lia faltered, trying to find strength where she could from within her. Seeing the two boys like this was heart wrenching. “You’ll both be alright.”

 

Sicheng looked up from Taeyong to Lia with pleading, tearful eyes. “He will be fine. He’ll live, right? Right Lia?”

Lia tried to pacify Sicheng with words of encouragement but seeing Taeyong’s pale face as she applied pressure on the wound on his side, now lying still in Sicheng’s arms, Lia was unsure. She opened her mouth to tell Sicheng it’s going to be alright but the ambulance siren wailed from a distance. Her hopes lifted and she smiled at Sicheng as she reached out for her friend’s hand.

“He’ll live, Sicheng. He has to.”

Sicheng felt his tears trickle down to his chin as he looked at Lia. _Yes, he’ll be fine. He has to be._

Sicheng won’t have it any other way as he tightened his hold of Taeyong, brushing back his hair tenderly. _You can't leave me...I love you._

It was the last thing on his mind before the world grew darker and consciousness left him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long delay of this update. I got too swamped with stuff sldjfkjsdfj :((
> 
> But I promise to post the final chapter before the month ends, hopefully. Thank you for patiently waiting. Also, my apologies for the chapter ending...I swear, the worst is kinda over... :))
> 
> Thank you all for reading and bearing with my potato writing! Much, much love! - ice <333


	18. Saying Goodbye

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Sicheng stood on top of a grassy knoll squinting from the sunlight's glare, using his hand to shield his eyes. He knew he had to find Taeyong but surveying the vast grassland he didn't know where to start much less where he was. The air felt heavy, oppressive almost and not a soul was around. Not even the birds made any sound and it made Sicheng apprehensive. Where was he?_         

_Sicheng made his way down the hill trying not to slip and tumble to the bottom. He was confused but instinct told him his purpose. A memory started to tickle his brain but it faded even before he could recall it. He knew it had something to do about losing something...or someone...but...no, he had a more urgent cause. Find Taeyong. Find his love._         

_From the far of distance he could see a garden of sorts, enclosed by an assortment of flowering shrubs. A sudden breeze brought Sicheng chills. Was it coincidence that the sun faded and hid behind the thin clouds? It was unusual on a summer day like this. He should have been perspiring by now. Sicheng shrugged the thought off and decided to make his way towards the garden._        

_Upon reaching the small enclosure, Sicheng froze. His heart started beating wildly with what greeted him. It was a small cemetery dotted with gravestones marking each mound of earth. At the edge of the burial ground a man in a black shirt and pants stood with bare feet over a grave slightly apart from the rest. His head was bent down as he placed the flowers he held on the ground in front of him, dark hair lightly shimmering in the muted sunlight. Sicheng immediately recognized the man despite his back turned towards Sicheng. It was undeniably Taeyong._         

_"Taeyong!" Sicheng ran to him as he hollered, relieved to have found him. Taeyong slowly turned around and looked at Sicheng with a cold gaze._        

_"Don't come near me," Taeyong ordered harshly._         

_Sicheng faltered as he slowed down and halted a few feet away from Taeyong. "What? Are...are you alright?"_         

_"Why do you care," he spat._        

_Sicheng frowned at Taeyong's behavior. This was not like him. Something was off and it didn't sit well with Sicheng. "Taeyong? I...was worried. I thought I lost you so I looked for you."_         

_Taeyong merely stared expressionless._         

_Sicheng blinked, confused. "Is something..."_         

_"Get out of my face. I don't ever want to see you again."_         

_Sicheng balked at Taeyong's curt replies. Surely there's an explanation to this oddity. "Wh-what...why?"_         

_"You're a burden to me, Sicheng. It's annoying and I'm tired of this. Of you. So leave...or I will."_         

_Sicheng could feel anger bubbling from the pit of his stomach. This was starting to irritate him. If it were a joke Sicheng didn't find any humor in it. "What the hell are you saying. Snap out of it Taeyong."_         

_Taeyong just stood there unmoved, face as if it were chiselled in ice._ _"Forget about me."_        

_Sicheng motioned to get closer, fists balled up. "You're not making any sense."_        

_Taeyong's expression softened. "Be strong, Sicheng. Goodbye."_        

_Sicheng held his hands up to grab Taeyong's shoulders and give him a good shaking but as he reached out to touch Taeyong, the latter vanished into thin air like tendrils of white smoke curling upwards in the still air._         

_"What the...Taeyong? Taeyong!" Sicheng cried out, casting his eyes about for any sign of him. He can't lose him again... "Don't do this! Come back you coward!"_         

_Then Sicheng noticed the headstone Taeyong was looking at. The fresh bouquet of dark red carnations Taeyong had placed lay on top of it._         

_"Deep red carnations...mean deep love and affection," Sicheng murmured as he shoved the flowers aside to find out to whom the grave marker belonged to._         

_Sicheng froze, chills running all over his body. Dong Si Cheng. It was his name engraved on the grey marble._         

_"N-no..."_         

Sicheng woke with a start, reality slowly settling in as whispered his beloved's name, "Taeyong...you can't..."        

Sicheng began wailing uncontrollably like a babe, feeling hurt and abandoned, mindless of the immense physical discomforts. "Why... wh-why...please...don't leave me...." Sicheng turned to his 'good' side and buried his face into the pillow, crushing it against his aching heart.        

Sicheng felt the bed dip followed by soft feminine arms wrapping him in a warm embrace. "Mama..." Sicheng sobbed uncontrollably, succumbing to the ache in his heart which was far greater than any pain he felt in his body. "Why..."       

"Shh..shh...It's alright, son. Mama is here, don't cry," Mrs. Dong cooed. "It isn't good for your health and the pain will get worse."        

Sicheng felt comforted somehow, after being in his mother's embrace. He didn't want to admit that he had gone through so much anguish and refutation of reality, but at some point he needed to face the truth. Sicheng found some courage in his family in the past week he had been recuperating and he knew he had to be strong, not only for his parents but for himself. He needed to heal and move on. _But how?_         

"Lia is here," Mrs. Dong said softly as she smoothed Sicheng's hair. "She wants to take you to the garden for some fresh air. Wouldn't that be nice?"       

Sicheng broke free from his mother's arms and looked at her haggard but still lovely face. He really needs to get better for his mother's peace of mind, or at least appear like so. Sicheng nodded as he wiped off his tear streaked cheeks with his palms while his mother stroked his hair. "Yes, I guess it would."       

A knock on the door interrupted them and the nurse entered followed by two men Sicheng recognized as the detectives who were investigating their case.       

"Mrs. Dong, the police are here to speak with you. I didn't want to let them in but they said it was urgent."       

"That's fine, thank you," Mrs. Dong said graciously as she patted Sicheng on the shoulder and approached the men. "Lia, please take Sicheng out for some fresh air."       

"Gladly Mrs. Dong," Lia, who had been standing by quietly, said smiling as she took Sicheng's arm and helped him off the bed and led him out of the room, the nurse at their heels.       

"Madam, we have good news," one of the detectives began. "A new development on your son's case arose. The perpetrator..."       

The rest was lost to the two youngsters as the door was shut behind them by the nurse, who then bowed at them before returning to the station.        

"I hope what they're saying is Haejin jumped off the bridge in Han river and plunged into his death," Lia said sarcastically.     

Sicheng snorted as they made their way to the elevators. "Highly unlikely."      

"Um...so did you get to...I mean about...Taeyong," Lia faltered, afraid of making Sicheng upset.  "Did you get to see him again?"    

Sicheng felt his brows knot up and immediately regretted his instinctive reaction. The bruising and cut on his temple and left eye still felt a little tender and the scabbing made it even worse. Admittedly, he wasn't ready to face the truth. A state of being in denial, if you will. "Let's not...discuss it, if you don't mind. For now."     

"Alright," replied Lia with a frown. "Sorry."     

Sicheng breathed in the cool autumn breeze and savored the fresh air. He had been lying in the hospital bed for almost a week, thus it was a delightful excursion to visit the gardens. Apart from hairline fractures on his sternum, three of his ribs were broken as well.     

It didn't hurt too much to breath now, unlike the first few days when his injuries were fresh. But sneezing and coughing were another matter. He hardly slept a wink for more than a few hours all due to the fact that whenever he moved in his sleep the pain would awaken him and the painkillers were of course useless. Sicheng would be happy when he gets discharged in a few days. At least he would be at home if not comfortable and without any bodily pain.       

Sicheng took cautious steps down to the garden and after a short trek, he readily obliged when Lia led him to the nearest bench and helped him sit down. It was just a few minutes of walking but Sicheng was close to panting as he propped his cane to his side and let out a deep and painful sigh, stretching his legs out in front of him. The pain on the left side of his rib cage was excruciating. Oddly enough, Sicheng found some solace in Lia's presence. Since that horrid day Lia was there to hold his hand or pat his arm whenever he felt the urge to cry. Apart from his mother, Lia had become his anchor. A best friend of sorts.       

"Your face is looking better," Lia commented. "The bruises are turning greenish now...a little yellow on it's edges. Kinda zombie-ish, but not so much."       

"Thank you Lia, that makes me feel so much better."       

"At least they aren't permanent and your face is intact," Lia chided. "Does it still hurt when you sneeze?"       

"Very. Mama still overreacts. Remember that first time? Panicking, she gave away all the flowers in my room to the other patients."       

"Oh God, your mother's reaction...that was hilarious," Lia laughed, recalling the first time Sicheng sneezed. "Your shrieks of pain made it worse."       

"Stop! Don't make me laugh, it still hurts."       

"Right. Sorry," Lia stifled her wheezing. "Well, I'm just happy that you're getting better and also Tae--"       

As soon as Lia's voice trailed off, Sicheng glanced up and followed Lia's gaze. Sicheng bristled with hatred when he saw the cause of his physical and emotional anguish. He froze momentarily, then readied himself to get up and leave.       

"Wait! Sicheng please," Jandi begged. "I just want to...say something."       

"You have the fucking nerve to show your face here," Lia began but faltered when Sicheng took his friend's hand and gave it a light squeeze.       

Sicheng wanted to wring her neck and extract the life out of her, but then he noted the pallor of Jandi's skin and the bones of her cheeks and jaw jutted out. Her eyes were sunken in, undisguised despite the thick makeup. He was curious how this event had affected her. "What is it that you wanted to say. Please be quick, I want to rest now."       

"I know this may not mean anything to you but..." Jandi fidgeted and paused before kneeling in front of Sicheng. She bowed and said somberly, "I'm deeply sorry for all the pain I caused you and...I understand it must hurt so much and what I did was unforgivable. I feel...horrible."       

"Bitch it's too late for that. You made my friends suffer," Lia screeched. She would have said more but Sicheng interrupted her.       

"Lia, enough." Sicheng took a deep breath, ignoring the pain as he did. "You will never understand what I'm going through, nor will you ever know how much it hurts. But at least you know it was unforgivable. Now I.."       

"I realize you're still angry and..."       

"My anger may fade, Jandi. But not soon enough," Sicheng muttered, unable to even look at Jandi for long without wanting to stab her. "You've said your apology. Now please, I'm tired."       

"Please," Jandi said pleadingly as she stood up and straightened herself. "There's more, to...I mean so you can...settle your mind."       

"Can't you take a hint? Just go bitch!" Lia said emphatically.       

"Lia," Sicheng said quietly. "What more can you say to make things better, Jandi. This really isn't letting me have peace of mind if that's what you're after."       

"I...I told my brother the truth. He was running from the...police, but I was able to talk to him and told him everything. I convinced him that it's all my fault and that I lied about Nayoung so he finally surrendered to the police station earlier today. He's admitting to his...what he's done. I...we were both wrong and we weren't in our right minds," Jandi said with her head down unable to look at Sicheng straight. "He also said he was really sorry."     

"Ooh, sorry doesn't cut it bitch! And wasn't it a little too late?" Lia asked, voice biting. "So your brother will take all the punishment while you're a happy bunny, right?"       

Jandi ignored Lia and continued, "I realize I mistaken. I told my parents everything. I'm...being sent away to Japan to live with my Aunt there for a while, so you'll see less of me I guess."       

"They let you off the hook too easily. Just go away bitch!"       

Sicheng sighed a Lia's rebuttals. He felt tired and weary of all this yet there was a slight feeling of relief. A closure of some sort. It will never be enough to make him feel completely happy but it was a start. He has to move forward. Move on and forget. _If only forgetting was easy._        

"Look, I know I may have ruined your relationship with Taeyong before but...I was blinded and loved him too much so I didn't want to lose him. I really am sorry for everything," Jandi declared with regret in her voice.        

"Ruined...I guess that's an adequate word to describe it. Almost...but not nearly enough," Sicheng said as he stared at the faraway horizon, seemingly speaking to himself. "You didn't love Taeyong, you were obsessed with him to the point of blackmail and harassment just to keep him. You didn't care about him or his happiness let alone his safety. If only you had told your brother the truth at the onset, things would have been different. But I guess I can't blame you. You wanted Taeyong for yourself and I was a threat you had to get rid of. I may have done the same thing...maybe not. But I will never hurt anyone at my expense just to have it my way."       

Sicheng's eyes finally focused on Jandi who's eyes were brimming with the tears she held back. Sicheng knows how it felt to lose someone and words were never enough to describe such agony. A broken heart was a terrible thing and difficult to mend. Sicheng felt a pang in his chest and it was not the physical kind. He needs rest now.       

"Goodbye Jandi. I hope you have a good life, despite...what happened, I'll try to find forgiveness." With that, Sicheng took his cane and slowly stood up to return to the hospital room followed by Lia.       

Back inside the hospital Sicheng hovered by the door to his room. He was about to reach for the handle when he seemed to have changed his mind and walked past it. "I want to see Taeyong."      

Lia looked at Sicheng and said cautiously, "are you sure? I know it's none of my business but...I hate seeing you cry again."      

Sicheng didn't answer or pretended not to hear and walked along the hallway purposefully. Several doors down he stopped and stared at the open door. He looked at the nameplate by the threshold and it was blank.      

Sicheng walked in and talked to the hospital staff changing the sheets on the bed. "Pardon me, but was the patient here moved? Which room?"      

The petite lady looked up and smiled at Sicheng. "Oh, the patient here checked out a while ago."      

"Checked...out?"      

The lady-staff looked at Sicheng curiously but nodded her confirmation.    

Sicheng doubled back and stalked to the nurses' station. He inquired about Taeyong's whereabouts but the nurse said the Lee family didn't disclose information as to which hospital he was moved to. Sicheng knew the nurse was lying through her teeth.    

"He really did it...he left me," Sicheng murmured hoarsely. "That coward didn't want to let go of his unnecessary guilt."    

"Sicheng..." Lia looked worried as she held onto Sicheng's arm.    

Sicheng didn't know how he was able to walk straight back to his room without crumpling on the floor. Perhaps it was his willpower or Lia holding him up and gently leading him back to his room. He didn't even realize he was on his bed and that the soft whimpers he created were from himself as he lay on his side, or that Lia sat beside him and started rubbing his back and stroking his hair to comfort him.      

Taeyong really left without even a word. This was it then. Their end. But it was never the culmination Sicheng had hoped for. Not in a million years. Not in this reality. He clutched his heart, the pain unbearable and greater than any physical agony he had ever felt. His tears did not alleviate the sorrow. Not a single bit.      

***      

Taeyong's eyelids felt heavy as he forced them open while the drowsiness slowly drifted from him. He squinted to focus his vision, blurred by the bright florescent lights battling with the daylight streaming through the huge windows partly covered by pale blue Venetian blinds. He was in an unfamiliar room redolent of the array of flowers held by an enormous clear vase sitting on top of a small bureau dresser and two smaller ones placed on the nightstands on either side of the bed he lay on.      

Taeyong gasped at the sharp pain on his left side, clutching it when he tried to sit up on the bed. His brows furrowed at the bandaging around his body and the constant ache that seemed to intensify when he breathed. I'm injured, he thought and he felt sluggish like he was heavily drugged as he tried to figure out where he was, his eyes taking in his surroundings.     

The white cotton sheets slid to his waist when he was finally able to sit up, ignoring the discomfort and intense throbbing pain all over his torso. Then, much to his regret, he began to recall everything. Events that he would rather forget. Taeyong wanted to believe it was the sole reason for letting  Sicheng go. If only to protect Sicheng from his worthless self. But at some point he had to admit to himself that he was wracked with guilt.     

The doctor had said he was unconscious for almost 48 hours and lost a lot of blood. The bullet had struck his fourth and fifth right ribs as it passed through his body, nicking the underlining blood vessels. He added that Taeyong was fortunate that the bullet only bruised his right lung. Although the gunshot caused pulmonary contusion when it grazed his ribs, it was a through and through, missing vital organs and only cracking, not shattering his ribs. He was in a critical condition for the first 24 hours the doctor added, but they were able to prevent hypoxia and he was immediately cared for within minutes of being shot, which may have saved his life.     

Taeyong snorted at the doctor's words. _Fortunate_. He had four broken ribs, his sternum was fractured, getting shot at which wrought two holes on the right side of his torso, mild concussion in the back of his head and he had bruises all over his face and body. And he almost died. Now he wished he had.    

Taeyong didn't care about his body or what could have happened to him. He could care less if he was suffering. When he found out Sicheng had also been badly hurt by Haejin he was devastated. It was Sicheng getting injured that hurt him the most. All because of him. He caused all of this and thought he was stupid enough to fail in preventing it.    

Taeyong's family had naturally been in distress for the past week. His father had just come home from abroad and was tormented by the fact that he had almost lost his son. Areum had let it slip that their parents had somewhat put two and two together. She told Taeyong how their parents and the Dongs had been at the coffee shop across the street for hours, talking. She suspected they now knew that he, Taeyong, had been pretending to be Nayoung's father but was unsure if they guessed that he and Sicheng were in a relationship. Although it wasn't a surprise, it seemed to Areum like their mother and Mrs. Dong had become bosom friends since the unsavory event occurred and appeared to have become closer since they met at the hospital. Taeyong knew the two may have already talked about his relationship with Sicheng.   

Sicheng's mother and father were the first ones to visit him after he had woken up. They were teary-eyed and grateful for him _saving_ their son. The Dongs and his mother had crowded around his bed, asking if he was comfortable enough and how he felt. When Taeyong's mother had to step out for an errand with Areum, the Dongs remained and spoke more openly to Taeyong.    

"If not for you, Sicheng would have been gravely injured. I cannot thank you enough," Mrs. Dong had said. "I'm very happy that both you and Sicheng are feeling better."    

"We are in your debt young man, and if there is anything...anything at all that we can do for you please tell us," Mr. Dong said emphatically.     

When Sicheng's father got a call and had to excuse himself, Taeyong took the opportunity to talk to Mrs. Dong alone.     

"I do have a request Mam," he remembered saying. "It might be best if Sicheng didn't come to see me anymore. I am deeply sorry for causing Sicheng pain. I'm the one responsible for it and I regret getting him... involved with me."     

"Taeyong, no..." Mrs. Dong interrupted. "You kept him safe, you protected my son. You shielded him with your own body, disregarding your own safety. If you hadn't..."     

"Please, Mam. Please prevent your son from seeing to me from now on. I will do my best to stay away myself. I don't want him to be endangered any longer because of me. It's all my fault. I...Sicheng doesn't deserve...anyone like me," Taeyong sobbed. "I won't be able to live with myself if he had been the one..."     

"Taeyong, I know how much you care for my boy, and so does he. Sicheng wouldn't want you to do this," Mrs. Dong said. "I can see you two love each other very much. My son is absolutely happy when he is with you. More importantly, none of this is your fault."     

"It is, Mam. It is all because of me."     

"Stop this, Taeyong." Mrs Dong reached out to hold Taeyong's hand in hers. "I can understand you feel guilty but you can't put the blame on yourself instead of this heartless animal who did this to the two of you. Don't claim the guilt where you have done nothing wrong. That boy is insane and you couldn't have known he would do such a terrible thing."     

But Taeyong did know and he felt he could have prevented it. He shouldn't have pursued Sicheng and should have left things as they where when they last broke up. It _was_ his fault. He wouldn't have been able to forgive himself if Sicheng had...no. He won't think of that. Sicheng was safer away from him and it was all that mattered.     

Taeyong felt as if a knife had cut his heart when he recalled Sicheng's face the last time they spoke with each other. Sicheng had rushed to his side to sit on the bed beside him at the first opportunity, took his hands and kissed them. He said he was worried to death and went on as to how he had harassed the nurses to telling him every detail and development on his condition when he was still in intensive care.    

Taeyong swore he could hear the sound of his heart breaking like wood snapping to splinters. His Sicheng with a battered face and sunken cheeks managed to glow with a smile, eyes glistening with unshed tears of relief. Of love. It was then he knew what he must do.   

"Tae--yong," sobbed Sicheng. "Why did you do it? Why would you put yourself in harm's way like that? If you had been..."   

"I would do it all over again if I had to," Taeyong said with a steady voice, unlike how he felt. "I'm sorry I got you hurt. You mean much more than my worthless life."   

"Don't say that. I love you and you mean the world to me."   

Taeyong gently caressed Sicheng's cheek with trembling fingers, overcome with emotions. He steeled himself and said, "I know. Which is why we can never see each other again."   

Sicheng stiffened. "What? What do you mean?"   

"I have put you in danger, Sicheng. You got hurt because of me. It can never happen again. I will never allow it." Taeyong breathed raggedly and continued. "That's why we have to end this. It's all my fault that you were endangered. I'm so sorry."   

Sicheng frowned and gave Taeyong a reproving stare. "It's not your fault."   

"I should have known and prevented it. If I hadn't forced you to take me back none of this would have happened," Taeyong stated adamantly.    

"No one forced anybody. You're talking nonsense," Sicheng said, tears slowly trickling down his pale cheeks. "You're in pain, drugged and you're not thinking straight."   

"Still, I think we should just end things between us."   

"You can't do this," Sicheng retaliated. "I won't accept it."   

"It's for your own good. I'm doing this for you, Sicheng," Taeyong replied firmly. "We...shouldn't see each other anymore."   

"This is ridiculous," Sicheng said with a shaky voice filled with uncertainty. "You're just not yourself. I'll still see you even if you don't like it. You can't stop me."   

"I can and will."   

"Don't be stupid Taeyong. I know you might feel guilty, but it's all misplaced. Don't let this petty incident come between us."   

"Petty?" Taeyong let out a soft sigh of resignation. "I'm sorry Sicheng, this can't go on. I failed you and you deserve someone more worthy of you. I'm not that person."   

9Sicheng stood up from the bed and let go of Taeyong's hand. His sad eyes fixed on Taeyong's. "You're still confused and in pain. You can't give up on us. I love you and I will never let you go."   

"Sicheng..."   

"I'll...just let you rest and the next time we talk you'll realize this is all a mistake," Sicheng said before reaching out and touching Taeyong's cheek, gently so as to avoid touching his bruises and hurting him. "We're meant to be together. You promised not to leave me."   

"Sicheng, just go."   

"But I can't live without you," Sicheng cried, his voice almost frantic. "I love you with all my heart and soul...."  

"Please don't make this harder than it is," Taeyong murmured. "Go, Sicheng. We're over."  

Sicheng would have protested even more but the nurses came to check on Taeyong's vitals. He had no choice but to excuse himself with tears welling in his eyes.    

Taeyong sighed as he remembered Sicheng lumber out of the room with slumped shoulders, looking defeated and head bowed down, admitting to himself it proved very difficult to let go. He knew how much he had hurt Sicheng but he had no choice. He can't afford getting Sicheng into more trouble. He had to draw the line from here.  

"Taeyong, are you alright?" Taeyong recalled Mrs. Lee asking worriedly after entering the room and seeing Taeyong crying silent tears. "Should I call the doctor?" 

"I want to leave this place." 

"You...want to leave?" 

"Anywhere far from here, please. Now." 

So his family moved him somewhere else at his behest, at this hospital at the outskirts of Seoul. He had specific instructions not to disclose where he was and surprisingly his mother did not protest. She really must have known by then, Taeyong thought. But it no longer mattered anyway. He had broken up with Sicheng. He no longer cared if Areum disclosed his relationship with Sicheng. It was over now. His mother was cautious enough to leave out asking questions. And for that he was grateful.  

Taeyong looked out through the glass window pane staring blankly at the tall buildings seemingly jutting above the windowsill. A sudden feeling of loneliness washed over him, wreathing him in a state of melancholy. His love for Sicheng was too great. How will he be able to forget him? How does one erase such love? He once heard to love means to sacrifice one's self for the happiness of the other. The irony of it. He loved Sicheng and his heart was shattering to tiny pieces but he knew he was doing the right thing even if it hurt him and may never recover. But it was the only way he could make up for what happened. Now he must learn how not to feel anymore and to forget. _I have to feel numb, I have to forget._  How, he had no idea.

 

 


	19. Conquering Dissension

 

 

 

 

 

Sicheng walked down their street as if he were in a trance. Mindless of his surroundings, not even when the light rain shower started seeping through his jacket. His shoulders were hunched and he looked crestfallen. He barely noticed the crisp spring air as Sicheng tread up the paved walkway to their building. It had become a second nature to him being enveloped in a haze of despondency for quite some time now. Since last autumn to be exact. His dark demeanor had stuck all throughout winter. Christmas was the worst. 

Slowly he had become accustomed to the loneliness, of missing Taeyong and not having him by his side. At times, especially at night, he couldn't help but indulge in picking out certain memories of Taeyong and himself. He would relive each one with such clarity and vividness that it ached like a hundred blades slashing at his fragile heart. But he endured. He really had no choice but to accept. 

The school year had finally ended and Sicheng had no idea how he had survived it. Perhaps having his friend Lia around eased his loneliness at times. Perhaps it was her perseverance to make him smile and lend a shoulder to cry on. Sicheng found her friendship comforting and relied on her sense of humor to distract him from his yearning. He found it amusing that despite vehement protestations Lia had set him up last week on a blind date that ended in disaster. At least on his part.

Sicheng found Lia's childhood friend Lucas attractive but too vivacious for his liking. Lucas commanded attention and his voice reverberated throughout the whole restaurant where they had dinner. Sicheng wondered if Lucas had swallowed a megaphone.

Sicheng also did his best not to feel embarrassed by the boy's over-attentiveness. Sicheng purposely plastered a smile on his face. He pretended to like the way Lucas kept touching him and whispering into his ear just to ask if he liked more cocktails or to pass the salt. Anyone would have thought Lucas was his boyfriend. For anybody else a tall and handsome boy such as Lucas who was obviously into him, it would have been a good catch. But not to Sicheng. Especially when they were walking along Han river and Lucas suddenly grabbed him and pressed Sicheng's body close to him in order to kiss him. Sicheng was too stunned to react quickly when he felt Lucas's wet lips practically gobbling up his own. Sicheng's whole being revolted and gave the boy a hard shove. The night ended with an awkward goodnight from Lucas. And for Sicheng, it was a good riddance. He was thankful to see the last of Lucas and that Lia wasn't upset about the whole scenario but instead was immensely amused, teasing him to no end. Much to Sicheng's chagrin.

During the rest of the school year, Sicheng saw Taeyong everywhere, in every corner, on the faces of faceless crowds and even felt his presence on some occasions. But he knew it was just his fanciful thoughts. Taeyong had gone somewhere far from him, he supposed and Sicheng never saw him again after their last discussion at the hospital. He tried  to see him repeatedly but the nurses and even Areum made numerous excuses that Taeyong could not see him. In the end he had given up except for that time Jandi had come to apologize and he found out Taeyong had left. 

Sicheng denied himself any self-pity from that day onward, when it had finally sunk in that Taeyong really disappeared like a thief in the night. He tried going to the Lee's abode when he was discharged from the hospital, but it appeared Taeyong had gone elsewhere with his family. Sicheng realized that when Taeyong said he did not want to see him again, he meant every single word. It was so like him. 

Sicheng entered their home and found his mother, as always, cooking in the kitchen. He gave her a weak smile before he plopped on the couch and dumped his backpack on the rug by his feet. Staring blankly at the black television in front of him, he could see his mother dry wipe her hands on the kitchen towel and headed his way. She sighed and slumped on the sofa beside him. Sicheng slid down and lay his head on his mother's lap.

"Are you hungry? I made some sausage buns and they're still warm."

Sicheng felt so deflated. He took a deep breath before saying, "Mama, I'm so tired."

Mrs. Dong stroked her son's hair and sighed. "I know you're having a difficult time Sicheng. You're not eating much and you're hardly sleeping. I'm afraid you'll get sick."

"I'll be fine Mama. I'm just...taking things in stride. I'm sorry I keep worrying you."

After a short pause, Mrs. Dong disclosed, "you know, I talked to your Aunt Yuyan in Orange County. She lives near the beach in the Balboa Peninsula, remember?"

"Yes. What about her?"

"She said since your cousin Fei got married, she's alone in the house so she feels so lonely," Mrs. Dong said a little too cautiously. "If only there was someone who could accompany her..."

Sicheng already knew what her mother was getting at and he didn't know if he should feel irked, but he said in a patronizing manner, "so you'd rather be the one left alone and send _me_ away halfway across the globe."

"I... have your father with me," Mrs. Dong replied defensively. "Meanwhile your Aunt is all alone. So...I was thinking you might want to consider visiting her there. Not permanently of course."

"Of course," Sicheng said as he rolled his eyes and sat up to look at his mother. Mrs. Dong cleared her throat.

"Oh, and you know, the college where your Aunt teaches has a major in performing arts too. You can continue your schooling there. That's if...you want to...naturally." Mrs. Dong looked a little uncomfortable under Sicheng's shrewd gaze.

"Naturally." Sicheng was somewhat annoyed by now. He knew his mother was just trying to help. But he felt like she was trying to send him to boarding school because he had been a naughty boy. "Mama, are you... trying to kick me out?"

"No! I just thought you might want a...change of environment. You know...to make you...um recover."

Sicheng was quiet for a moment and appeared to be weighing his mother's words. He knew his mother had something up her sleeve. "So are you suggesting that I go abroad and leave you behind to finish my studies there in Orange County, live with Aunt Yuyan whom I haven't seen in 10 years if I may add, just to forget...Taeyong?"

Mrs. Dong's cheeks turned beet red but she nodded in agreement. "I guess if you put it that way. But not to worry, your father and I will come visit as often as we can."

Sicheng studied his mother's expression, her red lips pursed and cheek flushed. She was a beautiful woman and more importantly a wise one. Sicheng knew she already had it all worked out, planned meticulously. He wanted to protest but Sicheng could see the logic and wisdom in her words. Perhaps a change of environment was what he needed. Perhaps it was time to move on and reclaim his life. Sicheng knew it was highly unlikely he would 'recover' soon enough. But it was worth a try. He was suffering within him and wherever he was wouldn't have made any difference, Sicheng thought wryly. At the very least it would please his mother and alleviate her worries. For Sicheng it was enough.

"Alright, you win," Sicheng said before smiling at his mother. Mrs. Dong beamed at her son and hugged him.

"I'm glad son," Mrs. Dong Xia said. "I know you'll be happier there. Trust me."

"If you say so, then I'll trust you." Sicheng didn't want to argue her logic but pleasing his mother was more important than his own happiness.

 

Sicheng guessed it right. His mother had already been in contact with the college months before and was assisted by his Aunt Yuyan. After his Visa was issued it was all a blur. In just a couple of months he was being driven to the airport by his parents. He should be upset that they seemed happy to be sending him away. Far away. But somehow he felt lighthearted for the first time in such a long while. Sicheng wondered at that, and believed it to be a premonition of sorts. A good one, he hoped.

The Dongs lazed in the plush couches in the coffee shop at the airport while waiting for the for the flight. His father had been smiling at him adoringly all the while that it made Sicheng uncomfortable. Sicheng couldn't resist the quip that popped into his head. "Papa, are you happy you two have the house for yourselves that it's almost like a second honeymoon? Is that why you're grinning like that?"

"Pfft...I'm happy because I know you'll find peace of mind and maybe some other _handsome boy_   who will love and care for you."

"Boy...?" Sicheng felt the blood drain from his face and he looked at his mother. She had a lost look on her face as well. Sicheng guessed it was similar to his own.

"What? You two think I'm too stupid not to notice that Sicheng and Taeyong _are_ madly in love?"

Sicheng's mother whipped her head to stare at her husband. Her mouth was hanging open, and so was Sicheng's. Mr. Dong merely laughed heartily.

"Son, remember this. Your happiness is your father and mother's happiness too."

Sicheng shook his head in disbelief. It would take him time to recover from this discovery. His father had known all along.

When it was time to send Sicheng off to the gates, he hugged his mother tightly and said their I love yous. Then he embraced his father who squeezed him till he could feel his ribs started to ache.

"I love you son," Mr. Dong mumbled. "Be happy, and take care of yourself."

"I love you too Papa, but I can't breathe. Please don't break my newly mended ribs."

"Sorry," Mr. Dong disengaged himself from Sicheng. Then he added casually, "oh by the way, I forgot to tell you. I bumped into Taeyong the other day. He looked so pale and...sad. I think he missed you. He kept asking how you were."

Sicheng stiffened and his eyes widened. "You...what!?"

"Taeyong. I bumped into him by at the bank so I asked him to have coffee with me. He said to tell you hi, and that he saw you with your _boyfriend..._ what's his name... Luke? I think he said something like he wanted to talk to you about some thing or other... can't recall. Anyway he said you two looked happy and he sent his regards and to be careful on your trip."

"And you're telling us this now?! HONEY!" Mrs. Dong was bristling.

"What? Can't a human being forget things?" Mr. Dong looked abashed. "Sorry, it really slipped my mind."

"Honey, how could you!"

Sicheng wanted to ask a million questions but his pride stopped him. And he had to leave. Taeyong was back. Taeyong went to his father's office, had coffee with him and sent his regards. His head felt like it was spinning. Why did he want to talk? Could he have wanted to come back to him to rekindle their relationship? No. Taeyong wouldn't. He already said they were over quite firmly, as he recalled. But then... _No, Sicheng. No._

After a repeat of farewells Sicheng walked towards the gates and through immigration in a daze. He didn't know how he would react to what his father had just said. Taeyong _saw_ them. Taeyong saw him with Lucas and thought he was his boyfriend. _When?_   Did he see Lucas kissing him by the river? _Oh my God_.

That very moment Sicheng wanted nothing more than to disintegrate into nothingness.

***

Sicheng made his way down the Balboa beach with a book under one arm and a thick blanket in the other. Upon the insistence of his Aunt, he carried a small wicker basket with a few chicken salad sandwiches, potato chips, a couple of oranges and a thermos filled with hot lemon tea. She practically shoved the basket in his hand saying he might want to have a picnic by the beach.

"It's a lovely day and the weather is fine. So why not enjoy the afternoon outside," she had said hurriedly, hustling him out to the porch. She added that she will join him in a while after she finished her chores before literally slamming the door behind him.

Sicheng just shook his head in wonder. His Aunt was a pushover when it came to his well-being. She took it upon herself to take care of him as his own mother would. They are sisters after all. But today she acted a little too weird. Perhaps she had a rendezvous with some young man. She has been a widow for far too long. Sicheng snickered as he went down the porch steps and onto the street. The beach was just a block away so it wasn't a long walk.

Sicheng suspected not many people would brave the crisp Saturday afternoon sea breeze as he sauntered down the street and onto the vast shores. He scanned the area for the best spot to set up his picnic. He settled down the stuff he brought and decided to settle the blanket on the sand just before it dipped to the very shoreline.

Sicheng sat himself on the blanket with his legs folded to his chest and arms wrapped around them. He stared at the different hues of blue painted across the horizon where the sea and the sky met. It was a beautiful sight. Since he arrived, he came here often and he never got tired of  seeing the sun's last rays before it set reflecting on the water like a thousand yellow diamonds shimmering over the calm sea.

He mulled over the fact that he still thought about that day he left Korea and his father disclosed his meeting with Taeyong. All the time. He cannot deny what he still felt for Taeyong and it never waned albeit he cast it somewhere in the back of his head and heart, it had grown even stronger as time passed. Everyday he wondered what Taeyong was doing and prayed he would not get sick. Most of all he wondered about what Taeyong thought of him after he saw him with Lucas. His chest constricted at the thought of Taeyong seeing that cursed kiss.

Sicheng sighed and distracted himself by picking up the book "A Farewell to Arms" by Ernest Hemingway and settled it on his knees as he flipped through the pages to re-read the tragic but beautifully written novel he enjoyed. It reminded him  of how precious love is and that at any given day you could lose everything you cherished the most. It showed him the importance of living the moment and showing the one you love how much they meant to you. Sicheng thought it was ironic that his own life could be somewhat it's parody. After settling on the page to pick up where he left off, Sicheng began reading. However his thoughts wandered and he couldn't concentrate.

Sicheng put the book down and settled for staring at the horizon once more, and at the calm sea with the small waves creating ripples across the sand as it kissed the shore goodbye. He was amazed that time flew past him without even realizing how quickly it went by. It had been several months since he had arrived. The semester was completed and he was relieved to have a short autumn break before the next one began. He had adjusted to yet another foreign environment with sheer perseverance that he didn't know he had in him. It came as a surprise that he coped with all the obstacles that were thrown his way. He did well in class and even gained a few friends. His Aunt Yuyan was of course ecstatic that he agreed to continue his studies in the US and will be completing his course by the following year. All was well, except his heart.

Sicheng could no longer deny he missed Taeyong terribly and his heart screamed with longing. His life may have been ironed out but his heart and emotions were a mess. He desperately wanted to talk to Taeyong and he needed to make him understand what happened with Lucas. That it was just a really bad date. But to what end? And the very fact that he went on a date and Taeyong saw them...Sicheng shuddered. Besides, Taeyong specifically and emphatically said he was no longer wanted nor needed by him. For countless times he wanted to communicate with Taeyong but how and more importantly what could he, Sicheng, have said to change his mind. It had been almost a year that they hadn't seen each other. It was enough to make Sicheng realize he was not needed.

Sicheng subconsciously started stroking _his_ jade bracelet which he wore every single day. The name Taeyong was engraved on it and Sicheng felt a pang in his chest. He smiled at recalling that day in the hospital when the nurse handed in his belongings. They had accidentally swapped the two bracelets and they ended up with the other's. He didn't act upon correcting the mistake and kept Taeyong's bracelet. Sicheng smiled at the thought of Taeyong having to wear Sicheng's bracelet...if he indeed he wore it. A vision of Taeyong's sweet smile suddenly flashed before his eyes.

"I miss you," Sicheng whispered as he caressed Taeyong's name engraved in gold. Sicheng felt the sharp stinging of tears that started welling in his eyes. His heart ached for Taeyong. He desperately needed Taeyong back in his life. But Sicheng knew it was no longer possible.

Sicheng let the tears flow down his cheeks and onto his jeaned knees as he rested his chin upon them. He hugged his legs even tighter, willing himself to be rid of painful emotions and memories. But how can he stop himself from loving Taeyong when every heartbeat was for him and every fiber of his being screamed his name? Taeyong was his first and only true love. Sicheng sobbed even more while twisting the jade bracelet on his wrist.

"That's mine."

Sicheng stiffened and paused while he tried to prevent sniffing. He blinked back tears as he focused on the owner of the strangely familiar and heavily accented voice. Sicheng could feel his heart beating erratically. _It can't be..._

Sicheng's eyes settled on the black worn Chucks before him and traveled up the tight denims covering the long shapely legs, up to the lithe body recognizable under the loose black tee and finally to the face. He knew that beautiful face. The face he longed to see for such a long time. Sicheng wanted to touch the pale face, wipe away the tiredness under those dark round eyes, and most of all kiss those luscious lips. But he knew he couldn't...yet. _Are you real? Am I dreaming?_ Sicheng noted the identical jade bracelet on Taeyong's wrist and felt the corners of his mouth lift up slightly.

"Enjoying the view?" Taeyong asked shyly with that lopsided grin of his. "Hi."

It took a while before Sicheng could respond. "He-hello." His breath got caught in his throat and he could feel his fingers trembling. "What... what are you doing here?"

"I was just passing by and I saw you. How are you... Sicheng."

The way Taeyong said his name made Sicheng tremble even more. He was about to voice out an appropriate response but that very moment his phone gave off it's ringtone. Sicheng had trouble pulling it out from his pocket and answered the call.

"Hello?" Sicheng's voice cracked. He could feel shivers down his spine at Taeyong's hard gaze through his piercing eyes. "Oh...n-no. I can't this time. Yes. I... I'll have to get back to you later. I'm... in the middle of something. Alright, thanks. You too. Bye. Yes. Bye."

"Is he the boyfriend?" Taeyong said almost scathingly.

Sicheng squinted from the sun's glare as he looked at Taeyong reproachfully while setting his phone down beside him. "I don't have a... boyfriend. He was just a classmate. A _friend_ ," Sicheng replied, stressing on the last word. He didn't know why, but he felt like he was obliged to defend himself. "But you didn't answer my question. What are you doing here?"

"Oh. I was recently accepted as a student trainee at Orange County Academy of Arts," Taeyong explained matter-of-factly with his eyebrows raised as if waiting to be challenged. "I get to officially teach dance there once I complete the program for a year."

Sicheng couldn't help but notice Taeyong looking proud of himself. He would have complemented him for the job but his words sunk in and then he realized and his eyes widened. "Wait...that's where I study."

"So it seems," Taeyong said, lips quirking. "Then we'll be seeing each other often."

Sicheng was confused. Taeyong suddenly appearing before him made him all sorts of perplexed. This was driving him insane and his brain refused to function. Taeyong was _here_. He appeared to be almost...friendly. Almost. Until...

"How's your boyfriend back home? Don't you miss him?"

There it was, Sicheng thought. The real accusation he was waiting for. "I told you I don't have one. No boyfriend, period."

"No? Not even the one you were cozily smooching back home? The tall guy with round eyes? You seemed to like him a lot, with the way you responded to him." Taeyong's eyes glittered. Sicheng wanted to believe it was because of jealousy. But then Taeyong's behavior muddled his brain. Why was Taeyong acting like the jilted lover when he was the who dumped him.

Anger slowly bubbled within him and Sicheng tried to control it as he stood up and met Taeyong's scrutiny. "Why do you care? If I remember correctly you told me...what was it? 'You deserve someone more worthy of you... I'm not that person.' Those were your words weren't they?"

Taeyong shifted his gaze to the sea, and Sicheng noticed he was looking more uncomfortable. His eyes softened and Sicheng was certain they contained a look of loneliness. He looked tired too. Could he be regretting his decision to break up with me, thought Sicheng. He had to know.

"Why are you really here, Taeyong?"

"As I told you, I got accepted at your school's student trainee program."

Sicheng knew there was more to it and he wasn't about to let this slide. Not when he suspected something. "Bullshit. There are hundreds of schools all across America and you got into _my_ school. The odds..."

"Is it so unbelievable? Can't you just accept it as a coincidence?" Taeyong asked with a small frown, eyes squinting sideways to avoid Sicheng's scrutiny.

"And you just happened to see me here... on this beach... in this neighborhood and in this city."

Sicheng's phone rang once more but Taeyong suddenly frowned and Sicheng couldn't help but reject his friend's call. "Sorry."

Taeyong finally met Sicheng's glare, swallowing hard. "Okay, your Mama helped me get into the program through your Aunt and just I came to say hi. But it seems to me you're busy so... I'll just go. Sorry I even bothered," Taeyong mumbled as he pushed his balled fists into his pocket and turned to leave.

Sicheng wasn't convinced. Taeyong was proving to be stubborn once again. Why must it be so difficult for people to admit they have been mistaken and regretted things they have done. For Taeyong it was all that and more. His guilt was a hindrance. And his pride.

Sicheng sighed as he watched Taeyong slowly walk away looking dejected. This was the man he loved, and he loved everything about him, including his stubbornness. Sicheng shook his head and began walking over to Taeyong. Almost a year of misery and heartache was enough punishment for Sicheng. For both of them. This silly childishness had to stop and Sicheng was tired of it. He just wanted his happiness back. He wanted his heart to be filled with love for  Taeyong and not just wishing to be loved by him again. He wanted Taeyong to be finally his.

Sicheng finally caught up with him and grabbed Taeyong's arm to stop him. Sicheng forced Taeyong to face him. Taeyong whipped his head in surprise and his eyes widened when Sicheng cupped his face and took his time to close the distance between them, savoring the feel of Taeyong's skin under his fingertips.

"I missed you so much," Sicheng whispered huskily, eyes searching Taeyong's face for a signal, a sign that he did so too. "I don't have a boyfriend, and I don't want anybody else. I want you. That boy you saw was a mistake. A blind date gone bad. I only agreed to do it because of Lia. But every single moment it was always you on my mind, me wanting to see you...to touch and...kiss you. Like I desperately want to do so right now."

Sicheng smiled when he saw Taeyong swallowed nervously. "But before I do, I need you to tell me this: 'Sicheng I'm sorry I let you go, I need you back. I'll never leave you again. I need to be your boyfriend once more."

Taeyong took a deep breath and with eyes set on Sicheng, he gently pulled away from him. Sicheng could feel a frown forming on his face as he watched Taeyong.

"I'm sorry, but I cant say that because I disagree," Taeyong said with a shaky voice. "I don't want you as my boyfriend anymore."

Sicheng watched Taeyong with confusion and he was beginning to feel upset. Hurt even. But he kept silent and watched Taeyong as he pulled a tiny box from his pocket. Sicheng gasped when Taeyong knelt before him and he felt his heart leap to his throat as Taeyong revealed the contents of the velvet box. It held two matching white gold bands encrusted with small diamonds and twisted to form the symbol of eternity at the top, similar to their bracelets.

"It's the real reason I came here to find you. The reason I sought your parents before you left.Sicheng, will you have me as your lifelong partner instead? Your... husband?" Taeyong's eyes glistened with emotion and so did Sicheng's. "I'm sorry for letting you go. I realized how stupid I was and I was so miserable without you. I regretted it since you walked out of that hospital room but I was consumed by guilt. I then realized how living without you brought me nothing but misery. Then, when I saw you with that boy kissing... it broke my heart and gave me nightmares. I need you back. Forever, if you'll have me."

Sicheng could hardly breathe and as he stared at Taeyong looking up at him with an almost pleading expression, he went down on bended knees, face to face with the man he so loved. "You're mine now. Forever."

Sicheng wrapped his arms around Taeyong's neck and finally, after months of despair and yearning for Taeyong's touch, Sicheng gave in and kissed his beloved. It felt like the first time they kissed in that parking garage when it rained, but even more enchanting. It was enthralling as their lips moved against the other, clutching their bodies closer together, hearts beating as one. They found themselves lying on the sand, limbs entwined and lips melding together in a sweet surrender. Sicheng's senses were filled with Taeyong, his scent, his touch and his taste. If heaven could be felt, it would have felt exactly this way. Sicheng was in heaven.

 


	20. "Epilogue"

 

 

 

 

 

The sun shone brightly on the vineyard in Temecula Valley that early morning in July when the summer flowers were in full bloom. The air was redolent of freshly cut grass intermingling with the faint scent of flowering plants and almost ripened grapes ready to be harvested soon.

Sicheng could almost taste the grapes in the air. But grapes were the last thing on his mind as he sat by the open window staring out at the garden below where in less than an hour, his life would change. He couldn't have imagined this wedding would occur before his graduation. He wanted to wait till he had officially attended the graduation ceremony, but as expected, Taeyong could no longer wait for even a couple of weeks. To be honest neither could he.

Much like when Taeyong and he were separated, time sped by. But this time it was filled only with joyful moments together, sharing new memories and relishing each other. Since the day he saw Taeyong on the beach they had become inseparable, just like before. As if nothing had happened. As though it were always that way. It made Sicheng very happy.

The past no longer mattered for it was the future they looked forward to. Together. Spending the rest of their lives in each other's arms was all that Sicheng cared about. No more blaming one's self, no more anger nor regrets. Both Taeyong and Sicheng had agreed to let go of the past and focus only on their future.

Taeyong had completed his student trainee program and had recently been officially appointed as a new teacher for modern dance. They felt a little awkward at first since Sicheng was still a student. They had to be discreet about their relationship. But now that Sicheng had completed his course, there was no reason for worry. Besides, Sicheng was hardly underage having reached way past adulthood.

But such thoughts were far from Sicheng's mind that very moment. All he could think of was how to calm his nerves and to be rid of the thousands of butterflies fluttering in his tummy. He barely slept the night before and was afraid his eyes were puffy. He had snuck out to see Taeyong who was in the next room but the shocker was, Lia and Areum had took it upon themselves to 'guard' the two from doing so. They had actually camped just outside of their doors at the hallway.

"Have you two gone completely mad?" Sicheng was flabbergasted at his friend and soon to be sister-in-law. "Is it even allowed to spread that blanket and bring pillows in the middle of the hall?"

"It's bad luck to see the br... er... the other groom before the wedding," Areum said indignantly, hands planted on her waist. "I knew one or both of you would try this. You just missed Taeyong taking a peek. Lia was right in suggesting we sleep in the hallway."

"Yep! Now scoot! Go back to your beauty rest."

"But I haven't seen Taeyong for almost two days!"

"It's customary." Aerum explained.

"Since when?" Sicheng complained.

"Since now," Lia quipped. Areum couldn't stifle her laughter.

Sicheng rolled his eyes at the two but was left no choice so he returned to his room disappointed.

Now that morning had come and he was to be married, his nerves had gone awry. He was skittish and jumped at every movement. Even his own breath was ragged. Especially when he thought of the evening following their wedding. Their first night as a married couple. Sicheng could feel his heart pounding wildly at the thought.

To be honest, he had no idea why they thought of doing an abstinence on making love. It was Taeyong's decision not to go 'all the way' since they got engaged. Oh they made out. A lot. But they never had a repeat of when they were back in Korea before the 'incident'. It was foolish, and Sicheng had protested almost violently. He complained that he hadn't seen Taeyong for a year. But Taeyong wouldn't budge. Even when he insisted that it would be longer than that from the time they were engaged. Sicheng snorted at recalling their argument. And today, he could think of nothing that unsettled him more than their honeymoon night.

"Sicheng, it's time!" Lia screeched making Sicheng jump from his seat.

"Couldn't you scream any louder?"

Lia ignored his snide comment and dragged him out of the room to meet his parents downstairs by the hall that led to where the ceremony was to take place. Sicheng searched the room for Taeyong but apparently he was already out front, at the head of the entourage, along with his parents.

Areum, who met them by the threshold hugged Sicheng tightly, eyes glistening. "You look so handsome, even more so than that cranky brother of mine. That hair color suits both of you and you both look dashing in those elegant suits."

"Well, we did a great job dying their hairs," added Lia. "But they both look so yummy."

Mrs. Dong cleared her throat as if to remind Lia to behave, but the latter paid no heed. "Come now everyone. Places please."

As the music began, the entourage walked down the short isle to the gazebo-like structure adorned with white hybrid tea roses up the pillars and down the sides of the isle. The vineyard created a natural backdrop for the gazebo. It was a breathtaking sight.

None of it was noticeable to Sicheng, for all he could see was Taeyong's hair and nape as they reached the steps up the platform. Their parents gave each of them a hug and kissed each cheek. Sicheng couldn't yet look at Taeyong in the eye. It was silly, but he felt shy and overwhelmingly nervous. He had no idea why. As their parents settled themselves at the front row, Sicheng stole a glance at Taeyong and he caught his breath. Taeyong had his hair brushed back, partly showing off his forehead. He had never seen Taeyong's hair fixed that way and it took his breath away. He was so handsome. Taeyong caught his eye and they smiled at each other. Taeyong took his cold hand in his and squeezed it softly. Sicheng felt his heart flutter.

The ceremony was intimate and serene, with only their closest friends and relatives in attendance. The touching moment was when they held hands after placing their wedding rings on their fingers and exchanged their vows, repeating after the officiant. Sicheng could feel the tears threatening to fall and he caught himself. He didn't want to cry, so he steeled himself from doing so, especially when he could hear both their mothers sniffing. Even Areum and Lia who stood on either side of them were wiping off silent tears. He had that overwhelming sense of contentment in holding Taeyong's hand when he said his personal vow of "caring for you and loving you unconditionally until my dying breath." That did it for Taeyong who's tears were streaming down his face. Sicheng thought how beautiful this man looked while he cried. His beloved. And now, his husband. Then Taeyong vowed, almost to a whisper that he will never let Sicheng go and "you are the only reason for my living," it was then that Sicheng felt his own tears streaming down his cheeks.

When they first kissed as a married couple, it was the sweetest and most meaningful kiss of all those they ever had. To have gone through so much and to come to this point made it all the more memorable and special. The guests erupted in an explosion of cheers and applause.

After the ceremony, it was all a blur to Sicheng who barely knew what was going on, who he had spoken to or what he ate. Even the speeches of their families were all jumbled in his head. He could hardly remember anything afterwards. All he could think of was that Taeyong was now his husband. Taeyong was finally his. Even Taeyong seemed to be in limbo and hardly let go of his hand. He kept glancing at Sicheng's way and smiling whenever their eyes met. Sicheng's heart swelled with love. It was like living a dream, and if indeed it were just a dream, Sicheng never wanted to wake up.

When majority of the guests finally retreated to their rooms at the vineyard's hotel or left the reception, Taeyong and Sicheng were finally allowed to retire themselves. It was well into the afternoon. By then, Sicheng felt tired and sleep was trying to catch up to him. They had been awake since early morning to prepare for the ceremony at 9 A.M. Added to the fact that Sicheng barely had a wink the night before. Areum led the newlyweds to their suite with a waiter at her heels pushing a tray behind them loaded with steak, veggies, fruits, more wine and an assortment of pastries. She also made sure they had a few slices of their own wedding cake. Strawberry shortcake, Sicheng's favorite flavor. But what caught Sicheng's attention was the bed filled with rose petals, it's aroma wafting throughout the room. Sicheng felt his tummy turn in knots. He swallowed nervously.

"You two must be tired so I'm just making sure you have food in there. I'm positive I won't be seeing you two till tomorrow," Areum added with a laugh that reverberated through the hallway. Taeyong frowned at her. "The rest of us will be downstairs overseeing the post-ceremony stuff and checking your gifts."

"This really isn't necessary, Areum. We can always order from room service," Sicheng said and sat on the couch while he watched his sister-in-law checking the tray and making sure everything was to her satisfaction. "Thank you. We'll manage."

Sicheng thanked the waiter as he backed out of the suit. Taeyong on the other hand didn't say a word but he pushed his sister out of their suite and into the hallway. "See you later, big sister. Have a good afternoon. Bye!"

Sicheng followed them and when Areum was outside, he shut the door firmly behind her. Sicheng gasped and felt shudders down his spine when he felt Taeyong kiss his nape as he slid his arms around his waist. Sicheng spun around to face Taeyong and met the dark pools filled with desire. Taeyong spared no moment to seek Sicheng's mouth hungrily. Sicheng melted into a shivering mass and moaned against Taeyong's lips assaulting his with a passion that took his breath away. It had been long enough that they were kept apart. This time, Taeyong was his and they were finally alone. Sicheng felt the urge to feel his skin, pulling at Taeyong's shirt to untuck it and when he found success he snaked his hands under Taeyong's shirt to run his hands all over the smooth skin. Taeyong moaned softly as he let his lips travel down to Sicheng's neck, nibbling on the flesh just under Sicheng's ear.

Taeyong pressed his body closer to Sicheng, unintentionally backing up the latter against the door as his hands groped at Sicheng's waist. Sicheng moaned as Taeyong pressed his groin against Sicheng's and started nibbling on his ear making his knees buckle.

The loud continued rapping on the door made the two grunt in protest, parted from each other with great hesitation as they moved away from the door.

"What now," complained Taeyong when he opened the door to find Lia grinning from ear to ear. "What was it that you wanted, Lia?"

"Hey guys! Are you eating?"

"No." Sicheng was fuming. "Go away."

"Just a second, I have a proposal to make."

"We aren't interested in hearing it at this very moment. Go evaporate into thin air please," Taeyong was obviously irritated.

"Listen, I know this is your wedding night and tomorrow we'll be leaving you guys here for the rest of the weekend. So I have to tell you this now." Lia cleared her throat before continuing. The newlyweds were staring at her unamused. "So, I have a thought. What if, I carry your child for you."

"What?!" Taeyong gasped.

"Are you insane? You're asking us to..."

"You misunderstand me. You know either one of you can't bear any children, right? So I'm willing. I mean, you two go find an IVF clinic and I'll be your surrogate," Lia said excitedly. The more Lia uttered her words, the lower Taeyong's jaw dropped and the wider Sicheng's eyes popped open.

"Uh, thank you Lia but now isn't the time to..." Sicheng began.

"Wait!"

"Lia! Go away now, or you'll feel pain for the rest of your adult life." Taeyong pushed her further from the threshold and slammed the door shut in her face. Sicheng sniggered.

"God!" Taeyong exclaimed then took Sicheng in his arms. "Now where were we?"

Taeyong started planting light kisses all over Sicheng's face and neck and then nuzzled his hair. "I missed you."

Sicheng shuddered at Taeyong's whisper. "I missed you more."

They kissed passionately, their tongues exploring and caressing. They were locked in a tight embrace, bodies melding. Sicheng sighed and whispered hoarsely, "I love you so much, my husband."

"I love you, my Sicheng."

Taeyong began taking off Sicheng's jacket and unbuttoning his shirt. Sicheng squirmed out of his clothing and shuddered when Taeyong found his throat and bit gently. Then Sicheng paused and began pushing at the confused Taeyong. "Taeyong..."

"What now? I'm busy."

"I'm just thinking..."

"Don't think just feel."

Sicheng groaned when Taeyong's lips found his nipple. "Stop. I just thought...maybe Lia has a point."

"What on earth do you mean? Are you saying you'll agree to..." Taeyong gaped.

"Well, maybe not _her_ as the surrogate, but...you know...either one of us can't bear a child...and I want to raise your own flesh and blood..."

"No."

"But...can we at least talk about it?"

"NO. Now can we please continue what we're doing?" Taeyong went back to nibbling on Sicheng neck.

Sicheng said huskily as Taeyong's lips went down lower, "please, can we just..."

"NO!"

Sicheng smiled knowingly. One way or another, Sicheng knew he _will_ have his way. Then, all his thoughts were lost under Taeyong's lips as he surrendered to his beloved husband's touch. _Heaven_.

 

\-- End--

 

_For TaeWin <3_

 

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaahhhh.....to everyone who stayed with me through this story, went through the ups and downs of it, patiently waited for updates, I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU ALL. It was such a journey to write this memorable fic for me. My first. Y'all have been so patient and I apologize for the long delays. Anyways, I'm sad this has ended but at the same time, I'm glad these two beautiful boys finally got together. Imma cry...lol. Thank you again for bearing with me, for any possible inconsistency i missed, delays etc. I hope I didn't disappoint you with the ending. Much love!!! - ice <333
> 
> p.s.this epilogue wasn't initially included but 'someone' ...er...demanded that there MUST be a wedding scene lol. i had to give in to her wishes, because she helped me a LOT through all my writing. to my dear friend, this last part is for you. <333


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